To think it’s not insensitive to say I’ve always prioritised saving?

@RawBloomers "It isn't just saying that you prefer to save, it's saying that you think other people should too."

well, yeah
Why is it so strange? People have got to save money at some point, haven't they? Otherwise, where is the money for a rainy day?

People are fools and dont like it pointed out

They have a " you got lucky" attitude becausae they lack the discipline to say No to themselves
Its emotional immaturity and then they love to hang the blame on someone else

You can be on the same wage
Some spend every penny on tat
Others dont

I think the comment that you don't understand people who spend large amounts on non-essentials if it means having nothing put aside is judgmental. It isn't just saying that you prefer to save, it's saying that you think other people should too. Especially if she had just told you that she sees life as for living or something and so spends while the going is good, then it was a somewhat insensitive thing to say and certainly indicates some disapproval of her choices.

But it's a mild way of expressing it and a friend who can't cope with that sort of expression of differences in values is probably either secretly a bit worried about her own choices or just going to be hard work generally.

I don’t think what you’ve said is insensitive at all. However it sounds like it landed badly and that will be to do with her not you. Sometimes things we say / do are the equivalent of holding a mirror up to other people and they don’t always like what they see!

we didn't have an ongoing issue either?

It was just genuinely a puzzle to me that she got so upset when people talked about retirement she's known I wanted to retire early for ages

She also knows that while I love her cashmere coats and all, it's not money I would ever spend because it goes in my retirement fund

So it was a real shock when she suddenly got all shouting and a bit tearful when my brother said he was retiring

Goodness knows what she'll say when I officially do it - not working currently

it came completely out of the blue. All this time, I thought she must be saving something. I just assumed because she was earning so well we met at work. And she's inherited. She never had any debt apart from the mortgage. Since going mortgage free it looks like all that money has just been spent.

They must be hiding their savings from DWP then, as you're not entitled to any UC if you've got more than 16k. Smaller amounts reduce entitlement.

Not insensitive op.

I've always prioritised saving too - even when I was on the bones of my arse after my divorce and I wasn't saving for anything special, just put some cash away each month towards car insurance/tax or Christmas and birthdays rather than being utterly skint or panicking about paying bills a few times a year (though my more affluent colleagues still have a surprise every January, odd that...).

I don't have a credit card and I've only ever had a mortgage on a home that is within my means. Unless you've been bragging I reckon your friend has secret debt or expenses she can't afford.

It really can’t become a significant amount invested 😭

yes it could, after 3 years solid saving pay for an urgent home repair. That’s not much of a safety net unless you only have small unexpected bills every 3/4 years, which isn’t realistic for anyone.

i think people think it sounds good to say things like that without stopping to really think how little it would pay for.
and yes if you’d rather enjoy a pint with friends once a month I think that’s a perfectly legitimate use of £10 vs saving it for the sake of it

It's a savings mindset.

The person saving that small amount of money is more likely to save if they had a larger pot of money.

It's too easy to discount small amounts these days. For me even £10 would be worth saving.

The other side of that is that the OP might be comfortable in old age where as the friend might be scraping by on a state pension

Sounds like someone I know, can’t cope not having the latest car/phone/whatever is in fashion. Earns a lot, spends a lot and then cries the poor tale. It’s embarrassing!

You could both get hit by a bus tomorrow. At least your friend has enjoyed life instead of sitting on her money.

I can see how she might have felt criticised by your comment, but that's what happens when you talk to other people: they occasionally say things that can be interpreted like a criticism. Cutting you off because of this says more about her than about you, and she won't be left with many friends if these are her reasons for cutting people off.

It pays for an urgent home repair if needed without having to borrow cash- this will cost more money.

And if saved and not used.

Over a period of time if investing can become a significant amount

The argument isn’t that £120 isn’t much of a safety net the argument is that since it isn’t much you might as well spend it down the pub and have a laugh instead of saving it!

I think the post says more about her general attitude towards money- than saying she couldn't retire because she bought a £400 suitcase

That.

YANBU at all, but you can't say anything to folks now.
Friendships aren't meant to be this superficial.

I have been there and no it’s not because it still doesn’t buy much, no matter how much it’s worth to you.

a PP said after a year or two or three you could buy a spare tyre. Is that really what’s helping your financial safety? The cash to replace a tyre every other year?

it’s a small amount of money that might help out with one bill, or a couple of weeks food when all else fails. But it is a very, very narrow safety net, let’s not pretend otherwise.

If you only have £10 a month spare, £120 in savings is a fortune. Just having enough for that small emergency always knowing you do have a bit extra if you need it. If you haven't been there you wouldn't understand.

I was talking to a friend once about spending and not wanting to get into debt over things that I don't really need, talking purely about myself because I've been in debt when I was young and found it very stressful. I can be really impulsive and that was the vibe of what I said - not wanting to ever slip back to that. She seemed to take it as a bit of a slight to her though as it seems she has credit card debt (I didn't know) and she got a bit defensive about it and was saying about how you only live once etc and can't go through life without treating yourself. Thankfully it wasn't the end of our friendship! It made me a lot more wary of discussing money with people though

At £10/month it builds up extremely slowly.

Plus a surprisingly high percentage are unable to cover basic bills with their incomings.

Thing is £120 won’t give you enough to retire but it will help you if you have an emergency or a surprise bill and mean that you don’t have to borrow as much to get through it. Savings doesn’t just mean long term savings.
a £400 suitcase and an expensive holiday is a choice between spending and saving and you can say that those numbers wouldn’t add up.
ever since I met someone at the start of my working life who said that when she changed jobs she was going to get back her pension contributions and spend them on a holiday I realised that it isn’t about how much you earn it’s how you choose to spend IF you have a choice.

I assume friend doesn't save, did you know? If so it was insensitive if not then it may have been embarrassing for them.

I was the same I always saved even when I only had pocket money and I always worked when I could, Saturday job, Christmas job, summer holiday job.

Pays for a new tyre, or a coat, or some food / other essentials if your pay doesn’t come in on time…