To think it’s not insensitive to say I’ve always prioritised saving?

I am now retired and am happy with what I have. However there have been long stretches of time where there was no chance of 'priorotising saving' as there really wasn't any spare money to save, my children and I had to eat, the mortgage had to be paid and we lived very frugally, so I think if you cannot imagine a situation where some people, maybe including your friend, can really not save for the future, then you are probably rather insensitive.

I get where you're coming from because I'm the same. I realised as a student, comparing my spending with some of my friends', people just have a totally different idea of what is "essential" or not. Even today, I'm surprised by what some of my friends who I know don't have a lot of money, spend on what I would consider to be very avoidable luxuries, or that so many colleagues buy tons of stuff at the start of the month then spend the last week counting down the days until payday.

BUT I think the thing is you just have to keep your mouth shut and never ever say anything. Finances are such a touchy subject and difficult to discuss even between close friends. Even something like "I prioritise saving" if said in a certain way can seem judgy.

Yep, definitely more to this story...

At least you didn't harp on about your wealth management advisor and how they'd advised you not to buy a second home in the current market, so you didn't know "what to do" with all your inherited wealth. This is what my ex friend said to me last year, knowing I was struggling for money and stuck in a job I hated. Tone deaf and smug. Your comment didn't sound too bad at all!

My brothers friend would always get really excited when Fireworks came into the shops, and immediately go into the shop and buy a rocket and set it off. That was all his pocket money gone in a few seconds and for what?

I always preferred to save mine and buy something nice eventually.

I think you’re right, OP, it’s not about the amount, it’s about the mindset.

Even as a child I preferred to save my pocket money whereas my sister would spend it all at the sweet shop (yes, we had an actual sweet shop with shelves full of jars of sweets).

It’s not something I would bring up though.

Money can be such a sensitive subject.

Its known in my close friends that I have a largeish amount of savings, its always shocked me when others haven't- as OP says the idea of not having some money aside is weird to me. Ive had comments a few times, especially if ive said that 'thats too expensive' to something.

I think its about learning different people have different financial education, usually from family. Eg we never borrowed on credit cards and now I dont (I do use and pay off in full each month for the benefits). We always have rainy day funds and both my brothers also have healthy savings as far as Im aware.
I have friends who are married, both on decent salaries, but dont have anything saved. Friends who heavily rely on credit cards.
And it can be quite a sensitive topic! Just different attitudes to money.

If you want to keep the friendship id recommend just apologising that what you said upset her and you thought you were just discussing money but you can see how it came across as judged.

Indeed

There has to be something to be insensitive TO. What was it in your friend's situation or actions that she felt you were comparing yourself to? Yes there was.

You don’t seem unreasonable from what you’ve shared here but of course much depends on the context and tone of the conversation and the actual words and implications used.

'I don’t always understand spending large amounts on non-essentials if it means having nothing put aside'

There's the judgement for people missing it.

Anyone who buys £400 handbags is an idiot unless they are a multi-millionaire. You can get a handbag for less than a tenth of the cost that does the job just as well.

Deffo jealousy. Always jealous of something. What a way to live x

I don’t think you were being insensitive at all. It was stating a preference, like saying you always prefer semi skim milk to full fat because you were saving calories. But people are odd about money. They worry about it, they worry that others have more. That old cliche, money is the root of all evil, is true. People lose their morals around money, they hate it if someone has more, especially in the UK which hates success.

And saving £10 when younger was about establishing a savings habit, which has served you well throughout life. Examples of £400 handbags not being enough to retire on are irrelevant, that person prioritised spending money on frivolous things at the expense of saving and now she is working when others are retiring. She should just except the choices she made and not feel resentful about others choices. I have only been a saver in the last few years, I berate myself but bear no resentment towards others who planned ahead.

'I like to save money' is a complete sentence but 'I've always prioritized saving,' to me, no matter what English expert wants to prove otherwise, is not

so wouldnt call it insensitive or judgemental or anything like it but in in itself there would need to be more to it, so I dont see the point in using it unless you had something else tp add ie prioritise over what?

Does your friend feel that she is subsidising your ability to save? Does she pick up the tab for you?

I had a friend who would openly criticise my job (my job is nothing controversial, more like if I was a dairy farmer and she was a vegan), as I earnt more than her there seemed to be an expectation I would pick up the tab. It did stick in my throat she was openly catty about my work but happy to reap the benefits by having me pay. I've now withdrawn from subsiding her as she can't have it both ways 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel the same way as you in that savings are important but I think it probably was best not to say anything to your friend as she obviously felt judged. I can see how some would see it as insensitive unless you know the ins and outs of her income and expenditure.

You were a bit insensitive and you were a bit judgy, but certainly not to the extent of ending a friendship! Unless you are the type to make these little comments often, and maybe she's just had enough?

But it IS a very privileged position to say you have always "prioritised" saving.
There was a period of time when my kids were young, that I would stand there in the supermarket trying to decide if I could afford to buy that 99c packet of flour this week, or would it need to wait till next week. It wouldn't have mattered how much I "prioritised" saving, I literally had NOTHING to save.

Prioritised saving over what, though?
Heating? Eating?

If you are genuinely unaware - the phrase is commonly used to suggest that it’s better to take up opportunity and risk to do the things you want rather than hold back to invest in the future.

If you are aware of that - stop being tiresome. The phrase wasn’t used as part of a discussion on how you should live life.

She’s got her own issues and blaming them on you. I have a friend who earns a lot of money but gets annoyed because she pisses money away and then wonders why she doesn’t have savings and investments. Actions. Consequence.

Why is spending money "living life" any more than saving is?

I share the feeling but it’s still judgmental and voicing a criticism to say it to someone who doesn’t save. Like I said, it’s a very mild way of voicing it and I suspect the friend is upset by it because she sees some truth in it.

The issue isn’t that OP expressed her values, it’s that she expressed (mild) disapproval of alternative perspectives.

“Life is for living” is a statement about your priorities not a criticism of different ones, a statement like “life is better with a safety net” would be similar in the opposing side. But OP said “I don’t understand people who [spend on luxuries and don’t save]” which is disingenuous, because unless she has significant intellectual issues, of course she understands it. She knows that they do it because they put greater priority on the here and now and either think it’s worth the risk, expect things to work out, or intend to rely on others if it doesn’t. It’s not beyond anyone of normal but modest intelligence to grasp that. What is meant by “I don’t understand...” is “I don’t think people should…”. Which is judgmental (a judgement I have some sympathy with, but that doesn’t stop it being judgmental). And expressing that judgment to someone who has told you they think that way (if her friend did) is particularly tactless/insensitive.

But why would it be less insensitive to say ‘life is for living’? That’s also a value judgement.

Unless the friend had told the OP that she was in financial difficulty or had no savings, it’s not insensitive. It’s a personal opinion and if people don’t like other people’s points of view, they’re limiting their friendship pool and opportunities to think about things differently - it’s her loss, not the OPs.