To want SD’s room to be multifunctional?

I think speak to SD and say it’s her choice which room she gets, but your desk will always feature in the big room.

Or her wife or her parents or whoever is funding them all. Not ‘defer’ to them but respect that the person doing the paid work needs to use quiet space available to get that paid work done in peace, and not allowing them this space is detrimental to the whole family’s income.

A lot of disabled women with chronic illnesses can't work but still perform childcare to their children. Especially where the kid is in school. Why do you find that so unusual?

My son goes to his dads every other weekend and when he used to live with his ex my sons bedroom also had my ex’s desk in it as he used that to work in the week. Why on earth wouldn’t he do that - how can he work around his gf and her noisy child playing in the kitchen? I don’t think my son felt hard done by by that at all.

Would you expect a disabled woman to defer to her partner in that way?

So your 'D'P can't work full time But he can take on most of the care for your child? 😂😂 He can't be that unwell OP, sounds like he just wants to take advantage....

I don’t understand the issue with working from your bedroom?

We still have all adult kids at home (some will be moving out as renovating a joint but to move into, but others will stay). Due to the number of us, working in common areas is not feasible for those that work from home, so we ALL work in our bedrooms. I do so as well, even though DH and I ‘pay’ for the house, although that is such an arsehole argument. No idea why this is a problem and can’t be done.

ETA - I do have one that does not do any wfh, so theoretically their bedroom is useable while they are out at work each day, but it would be a cold day in hell before I set up camp in there to work. And no, they don’t pay rent/board, but even so I would find it really inappropriate, especially in the basis of ‘I work to pay for this house’.

Most people suggested working in their own kid's room.

And I would expect my DH to back me up and say ‘sweetheart she needs a place to work she is literally paying for the roof over all of our heads and the food on our table’ if my child was being entitled about the spqce

Step kids always get a rough deal don't they. Kids always come last. No wonder there are so many messed up kids - then adults. Her mum and dad brought her into the world. She didn't ask to be here. Then they split up. She didn't ask for that either. So she has to spend her time across 2 homes. Then her dad starts living with another woman and has another child. Then her dad and step mum and half brother, move to another house, where she doesn't have her own room. She has to share it with the step mum. Poor girl.

You should have a desk in your bedroom.

Oh piss off, I'm a step daughter and I was very much staying over at my dad's every other weekend. We're exceptionally close and I take my stepmum out for mothers day because we're still very much family. People like me don't need your word hurt sympathy when we have had actual problems from being in a blended family.

No she said he works fewer hours because of his health. Then because he works fewer hours than FT, he does childcare. He doesnt work minimal hours for childcare reasons, he works few hours due to his health.

If a man was providing for me while I went part time, I would make sure he had a comfortable quiet room to work from if there was an empty room available on his working days I wouldn’t dream of expecting him to work from a living room or bedroom instead - that’s bad for his wellbeing and bad for the households financial prospects if his job is affected. I would deal with my own child’s feelings separately and would ensure they knew the room and their stuff was theirs.
when I was on holiday as a teen or at uni I didn’t mind if my parents used my bedroom to work or to host guests or to do the ironing during the week I wouldn’t dream of trying to dictate this to them.

That is irrelevant. So do you think if a woman is partnered with a man but brings in less money, she should get less say over their joint home? And does this extend to the children, too? Does dad get to choose the school over mum because he earns more? Does he get to decide whether they give a dummy or not because he brings home the bacon? Or is it just who gets what room?

Could he put her kid from a previous relationship in a broom cupboard, while his kid has 2 bedrooms, just because she doesnt work as much?

I'm just wondering how this all goes?

Its not that i think hes lying about the health issues as such, its more that he has given two reasons why he can't work full time (health) and that his hours need to be minimal (due to childcare).

There's a big difference between not being able to work FT due to health and needing to work minimal hours (for childcare) and he needs to be clear which is which as they are different.

Is that a sufficient explanation?

I don’t think anyone is being hugely reasonable here. I know lots of people who have a desk in their room or work from the dining room table without issue. Surely you’d rather work from your own bedroom than from a teenagers bedroom purely for the change of scene?! If your bedroom is large enough I honestly think it makes the most sense for you to have your desk in there, DS has the second biggest room and DSD accepts she cannot have a double bed and has the box room.

I agree.

Totally agree. Your plan sounds fine to me. You are not married, you are financing this, and she has her own space when she is with you

I’d put the desk in your room, give DS the 2nd biggest room and SD the box room

sorry op this shouldn’t even be a discussion. You need a room to work in and you can easily move out of it when she stays. They are both being really entitled.
please please put the new house in your name only if you’re the one funding it and don’t marry him.

It's that female thing where they would be ensuring the stepchild knew that she is only welcome as long as they (the SM) tolerates them. They want her to know that her dad is part of this new family, not his old one that includes her. In the wild, they'd probably slaughter the cubs of the previous mate to hoard resources for their own offspring.

On another point, SD doesn't have a double bed, you and DP have a double bed in the room she uses when she stays over (assuming it was your house he moved into rather than his 🙄)

Of course it's her bed. When my kids go to their dads (he lives with his gf now) they stay in their bunk beds (in the living room no less). It's not bunk beds they have and let my children use. It is their beds. (not my eldest though, he gets the sofa)

OP isn’t married.

So do you think women who dont bring in much income should have less of a say in their marital homes?

It's language like 'staying over' that makes step children feel unwanted. Step children don't ask their parents to split up, they don't ask to have to spend time shunting between two homes and every little comment making them out to be an inconvenience is just one other hurt. This is a 13 year old girl who needs to feel wanted by all the adults in her life. The language by you and some others on this thread make me so sad.