To want SD’s room to be multifunctional?

I feel like the advice would be very different if the husband was the sole earner!

OK.

So does that mean that the transfer of any amount of money between separated parents that they describe as "child maintenance" is disregarded for benefit purposes?

I haven’t sorry, l didn’t make it clearer - l reported the poster you were quoting @GlovedhandsCecilia for yet another inappropriate comment.

You're getting ridiculous replies here. You are doing ALL the right things; you deserve credit for keeping everyone afloat in a storm of difficult circumstances.

I'm fully on board with the importance of ensuring step children are part of the family. This does not extend to keeping a room empty for 11 days out of every fortnight, while the rest of the family crams into the remaining space.

Make this room your office. Give it over to SD when she stays.

YANBU OP. You need to do whatever you must to prioritise your job and keeping some sort of roof over everyone's heads (including SD's mum and half siblings', by the sounds of it).

These are difficult circumstances - your DP has cancer and cannot work, everyone needs to pull together and suck up a bit of hardship while you get through this. SD does not have the luxury of demanding an empty room to use four days of the month when everything else is on the line in this way.

Oh I see. Yes, that created my reaction 😲

I think this is totally fair.

No worries ☺️.
I'm confused why you've reported me, though!

Sorry l meant the post you quoted, not your own.

You have to prioritise your health too here. You can't pour from an empty cup. I would put a desk in the SDs room, and I like the idea of screening it off if it helps the SD feel like she has her own private space. Assuming that actually is her issue. You can't work from a kitchen table, it'll be stressful and terrible for your back.

And I know this isn't the question you've asked, but are you sure moving is the right choice? I'm in a similar situation, DH has cancer and earning are minimal, our fixed rate mortgage proof ends next year and I'm already worrying about how we are going to afford higher repayments. I looked into moving costs vs higher repayments. The cost of moving would fund 7 years of the mortgage increase. I know that's not money of have to find up front as the house sale would fund the move, but it gave me a different point of view.

I know it doesn't help when you are actually just unable to afford the mortgage full stop. If I downsize I'll be reducing my asset value and moving a bit further from my existing support network. I'll gain a bit from the reduction of financial stress in the near term and I'm sure there'll be advantages to a change of location, so that part of the pros and cons didn't help me decide. The Q of if DH dies would I rather be in my current home or somewhere else, really did help though, along with the longer term financial situation viewpoint.

Have you thought of asking the mortgage company for a payment holiday, or extending you term? Not actually sure you can extend the term until you come to the end of a fixed rate period tho.

Moving for us is not off the table but we've both agreed it's absolutely last resort and we're going to try everything else to stay put. It fixes the now problem, but downgrades our longer term situation.

I know your situation will be different and I'm not saying my decision is better, I thought it worth flagging just in case you hadn't looked at it.

Yes, just seen them. Apologies.

You've reported me! Why?

Reported.

Even that.

I think the 5 referred to are the DP, the SD, the Dps's ex, and the ex's 2 younger children.

Doesn't include the OP's son

You are doing the right thing, OP

My only advice is to make it better for DSD by letting her choose colours etc and buying a lovely (but practical) desk and chair. Put your laptop away after work and she’ll never notice that her room has been used.

I hope all goes well.

This seems like a really tough situation for everyone involved. Someone might have already asked this but does SD even have to know that you are working in her room? If she is only there for the weekend then she will be none the wiser. Why not go ahead with your plan anyway and just not tell her. When things settle down a bit after the move you and her dad can talk to her.

OP whatever solution you decide on, it doesn’t have to be a permanent one but it does need to work for you and it should be handled sensitively, considering SD’d mental health and home situation.

You do realise that OP’s son is also her DH’s ?

Ah, so now OP is abusive. While supporting DH’s ex so that DSD’s standard of living isn’t affected ? Don’t make me laugh.

OP, you're already on medication for stress - you need to think about the level of stress you are living with, and get more support if necessary

Split up with her partner who has cancer?

Exactly.

Given @GlovedhandsCecilia‘s previous comments, I’m not so sure.

OP no wonder you are on stress medication, you are supporting a family of 5 (none of whom you are related to) as well as yourself and your own young son.

You are not responsible for any of these extra people.

Help them if you want but not at the expense of your sons wellbeing and your health and wellbeing.

The other two adults are responsible for paying for and housing their own children.

I hope the new house is in your name and that you separate yours and your partners finances completely.

Imagine if you split with your partner, how much better off would you be. I am not saying split up but may be worth thinking about that.

If SD is staying that infrequently then why not a spare bed in your sons room or a sofa bed in the living room. You and your son come before your Partners SD in your own home.

This house does meet everyone’s needs. It doesn’t meet one unreasonable want of the dsd that her dad is indulging.