AIBU to feel hurt by my daughter’s slow replies to messages

Yes, you managed your time but you weren't constantly interrupted by text messages were you?

You don't have to go to bed at 9pm. You could "manage" your time differently to suit when your hard-pressed daughter has managed HER time to attend to (non-urgent) messages.

There you have it…

That’s why she takes her time and replies when you’re going to bed.

Well done to you!!!

Yes that was my thinking too. First chance to sit down and work through the day's stuff rather than answer on the hop.

OP you’re being very unreasonable not to respond to our replies immediately…

If my mother text me that she still wouldn't get an instant reply because I am not glued to my phone around my babies.

I pick up my phone to check my messages / emails when I have a chance.

Throughout the day my toddler is 100% full on and I am trying to keep on top of the house, keep on top of laundry, make sure the groceries are done, get to baby groups, maintain appointments, entertain and feed and bathe the kids etc. During the 45 minute nap my toddler has, I try to whip around and do a bit of housework and I might get a cuppa and to scroll my phone a few minutes before he wakes. But with 2 small kids it's not that simple...

My mother text me last night, I replied this morning! It wasn't me being rude... I made and ate dinner with the family, tidied up, bathed my toddler, got him ready and into bed. I then fell asleep putting the toddler.to bed (I am 7.5m pregnant, work full time, 3 other kids in the house so exhausted xome the evenings) and woke at 3am and saw her message from 7pm!

I would have missed out on the £1m in tiur scenario because I was busy not looking at my phone.

Yabvu. She's busy, has two young children and is replying when they are finally in bed for the night. Interesting that you don't think you should have to consider her very busy circumstances, but think she should be considerate of yours because you go to bed early. I can assure you she has nowhere near enough spare time to plan her messages to deliberately be inconvenient to you.

Some people don't live on their phones. I don't. I clock notifications in case anything looks truly urgent, but tend to actually read messages and reply to them in the evening.

Reading, but not responding promptly. Imagine that!

She has two kids and you’re not her priority clearly. Get over yourself

Did you have people constantly badgering you by text when your kids were little?

And you had a mobile phone then? And expected to answer within seconds?
Come on, 30+ years ago, no one was expected to answer a text that quickly. You know that

As for sending you a message when you go to bed
You realise that
1- 9.00pm is early by anyone’s book. Why are you expecting her to adjust to yur lifestyle but you’re refusing to do the same for her?
2- she is contacting you when she can - aka two dcs asleep, she has eaten, cleaned the kitchen etc….
3- I suspect she doesn’t expect you to answer straight away - just like she doesn’t answer to yu straight away. Why do you feel the need to answer if you’re ready to go to sleep? Just wait until the morning. It’s fine

Because God forbid her attention is on her own matters and not all on you!
Seriously, have some empathy and understanding.
Obviously 9pm is most convenient for her as she will finally have 2 mins to herself to reply after the babies are (hopefully) in bed.
I mean the horror of it, she KNOWS you go to bed at 9:00, how very bloody dare she not put you first 🙄

On many phones you can read a message without opening it.

COME ON OP!!

Our "feelings are hurt by your slow replies to our messages" 😂

4 hours since your last message.

We've all been responding to you for hours.

Where r u OP?

Why are you not responding to us?

Please get back to us before 9pm - we might be in bed.

(Oh, the irony). 😂

It has nothing to do with lonely, it’s about respect replying in a timely manner. Got lots friends who leave it days, they are not happy when it is done to them as you have left it over 24hrs to reply to them. It is a conscious decision not to reply unless they never look at their phones for days. My sister txted my mom who is 82 at 21.45 last night saying she might come to see her today. She had already had plans to meet me for coffee & do errands today. She replied later to my sister as phone no battery. As of yet she hasn’t got confirmation she is coming. You think that is acceptable? she did it at Christmas saying she was coming then not turning up, she didn’t even ring her on Christmas Day. Considering she is widowed poor show I say.

I don't mind people not answering my messages straight away. I get that because I'm the same. What bugs me is when I can see on WhatsApp that they have been online several times since I sent the message and they still haven't read it yet. Have the decency to read my message before deciding to ignore it!!! 😂

I'm not asking for an immediate reply but not to hear back for more than a couple of days is just not on, imo. Asking how they are (as they both have medical conditions) is perfectly appropriate to begin a conversation. If you can't see that I can't help you.

What are you messaging her about? My mum messages all the time about inane stuff. I can't constantly reply to her and honestly if I reply it then encourages more messages and I just don't have time. Maybe ease up a bit on the messaging and aim for a couple of calls a week where you actually have a proper conversation
Also 9pm is a v early bedtime and a normal time for others to be winding down and catching up on messages

In all honesty, how many text messages did your mum send you when your oldest was only three, compared with how many you send to your DD?

Given I'm guessing your mum would have been in her 40s or 50s, say 20-odd years ago when your girls were little, I'm thinking not that many. Or did your mum maybe phone or drop around instead, and actually help rather than just demand attention and then complain when she didn't get it? Might that have made the difference?

Jfc 'I managed my time'. She is managing her time by not leaping on your messages. You are not her priority, her children (and partner?) are. Just because you have nothing better to do with your time doesn't mean she doesn't. Think maybe you need to get some empathy.

My sister in law can get quite snippy if I don't reply quickly, but she does the same and I don't care. Sometimes I pick up my phone to reply, end up reading an email or something else and totally forget what I picked the phone up for in the first place! But I think that is my menopause brain!

😃

The whole point about texting, and WhatsApp, is that you have the messages and can reply in your own time, when it suits you, and how it suits you,with a message, or with a smiley. They are wonderful!

Instant replies to someone started to look poorly when we plugged answer phones into landlines, then took a turn for the worse with texts, and are now practically terminal with all the other messenger apps TikTok’s and Instagram platforms.