AIBU to feel hurt by my daughter’s slow replies to messages

I honestly don’t think some people understand how overwhelming it can feel when someone feels entitled to your attention 24/7. Smartphones have really encouraged this behaviour but it’s not healthy. Your daughter has her own life to juggle and she doesn’t want to interact with you at that point, if it’s urgent give her a call like she does but don’t expect a full on conversation.

I can literally take a week to reply to people, not out of rudeness but just the chaos of kids, dogs, a very hectic full time job and everything in between. If it’s important then people know to call me. Being offended is crazy, and keeping everyone happy is unfortunately not possible so either give her a call or just wait for a reply

Did you have them since mobile phones were invented and this new idea of being 100% available to everyone 100% of the time came in??

When your kids were young, someone you know couldn’t just randomly appear in front of you to ask you a question when you were in the middle of something and expect an immediate reply. But they can now due to mobile phones.

I hate how we are expected to just drop everything and reply to everything straight away.

I treat text messages the same way I do emails. I’ll read it at my leisure and reply when I’m good and ready.

Aw I can imagine that it feels shit for you I doubt she is doing it on purpose and you are right to feel a bit upset if it upsets you but honestly these days it’s different, there is just so much to do and with the kids it’s effort replying to someone sometimes.

my mum or friend will text me and I’ll be reading something n my phone so I don’t reply straight away and then forget

but I deffo leave my mum on read for like 2 days or reply to her when I’m settled in bed which is around 8:30pm, same with my friends tbh 🤣🤣

Just because it is possible to be contacted 24 hours a day, it doesn’t mean we should be. She’ll be prioritising her children through the day and catch up on emails and texts in the evening. Even if you had a mobile when your children were little, it wouldn’t have been a smart phone. You’re being so ridiculous and needy.

Do you read all your messages instantly?

She. Is. Busy.
Every moment of the day. Get off her back.

Absolutely being unreasonable!! I am Mum to 3 children 5, 3 and 1.. it is the trenches but I wouldn’t change it for the world! i spend all my time chasing them around, making sure they are happy, fed, clean and they in turn make sure I never stop. If I get a message from anybody I try my hardest to reply at MY earliest convenience… and that is often once the kids are in bed, I have eaten, showered and finally sat down for my tiny iota of ‘me time’. This point in time is when I try to respond to people… and can often be 9pm ish.

OP where are you??? Or are you planning on responding to the comments at 9pm tonight? We’ll all be in bed by then!

I was really busy with 4 children but always responded to my mum as soon as I could and she does the same, if it’s a day later or we forget it’s no big deal but it takes seconds to reply and my mum is one of the most important people in my life so will always respond and it doesn’t feel like a big hassle

A lot of parents don't like to be on their phones around their kids, unless it's necessary. Maybe she's messaging at 9pm because her day is finally done. Or maybe she doesn't want to spend all of her limited evening in a text conversation.

I’d say she is also managing her time. Just perhaps not in the way you would like her to.

Sounds like OP needs to manage her time better!!!

But you didn’t have texts coming through no doubt … assume you spoke on the phone to people, in the evening … when your kids were in bed!

Are you asking something that requires an immediate response? If not then I don’t see what the problem is. Also if you do need a quicker response then call her!

Most sane, reasonable people send messages/personal emails at a time that works for them, safe in the knowledge that the recipient can read and respond and whatever time works for them.

Parenting very young children is a hands on job, literally. You really think she should be on constant alert, ready to message you back immediately, rather than spending quality time with her kids? Too many people now can't put their phone down even when they are with their children.

As for daily messages, I'd have been driven crazy if my mother had expected such a thing. I probably message my grown up daughters most days but that's because we still live together and it's an easy way to communicate when we all work different hours.

You also didn’t have technology at this time so can’t compare to be honest!

Most families didn’t need both parents to be working to afford to live back then. Now both parents do need to work and that is barely keeping a roof over most people’s heads and food on the table.

Wow.

She is managing her time by replying to you when it’s convenient for her

How is that possible? Surely most of the day you’ll be at work, doing household tasks, on the school run, doing hobbies, generally out and about. When I’m at work, I don’t have my phone anywhere near me. I generally only look at my phone in the morning before work and in the evening.

It takes me longer to do an online grocery shop rhan just walking around the store...

Also I rarely use Amazon. How would Amazon make my life much easier now?

@DaisyChain505

is it? How? Things are a lot more convenient and easier now due to technology e.g online shopping Amazon etc

You sound needy. I bet she's exhausted, needy kids, needy job, needy husband, needy mum - everyone needs something from women and the mental and physical burden can take it's toll.

Times have changed a lot since you had your children and life is all together most stressful in today’s times. YABU expecting so much from your daughter and maybe you should pause for a second and just think about how she may be feeling in life. She could feel like she’s barely keeping her head above water and you’re just adding to her stress by being needy and thoughtless.