AIBU to feel hurt by my daughter’s slow replies to messages

A phone is for the owner’s convenience- to use and reply when works for them. Unless you’re trying to contact ambulance/ police/ fire brigade. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed and having to send a message feels too much; or am in the middle of something and once am done I forget. I know if it’s urgent the person will manage to get hold of me one way or another.

She is managing her time. But you are not her priority. Nor should you be.

This can’t be real.

She is managing her time.

How much grief do mums parents get for "always being on their phone" instead of looking after their children?

When you had two children, was texting the main method of communicating or was it a phone call?

When your children were young, society was very different with different expectations on mums parents and, in most cases, a village to help.

I honestly don't think the two are comparable in this example.

If you want an immediate response/ answer - call someone.

In my mind, messages aren’t for an instant reply. I do often open messages straight away to check if they are urgent, but if they can wait, then they will wait till I’m more available to respond correctly.

What makes you think she isn’t managing her time? Why do you think you should be at the top of her list?

I’m sure OP would have plenty to say if her daughter was constantly on her phone around her children.

No its not rude. So much to think about. No need for "she can get im touch if she wants something " perhaps that msy be trust. She has more roles than just being your dsughter. Show some more understanding instead of criticism.

My mobile phone is for my convenience, not so other people can demand my immediate attention. Also have 2 small children, work full time and life is busy.

Edit. I’m a bit incredulous about the ‘when I had kids I managed my time’ and i can see why she doesn’t reply to you right away now. You aren’t her job, her kids or her responsibility, go and manage your time doing something else until she has a minute to get back to you.

she's not rude, she's just busy. Put yourself in her shoes, imagine looking after your kids at that age and but having the added pressure of having to instantly reply to someone if they texted/called.

She has two tiny children and she’s in the trenches of motherhood. YABVU. I try to keep up with messages but I have too much going on. I’m not always on my phone. I don’t care if people take ages to reply either.

^This 💯. She’s just not managing her time in the way that her mother wants her to.

I find switching attention difficult so if I’m working or even chilling watch tv, I find it difficult to suddenly switch and think about replying to texts. It’s jarring and irritating. So unless it’s super important I rarely reply straight away.

Blimey, I can’t believe OP has gone to bed without updating us. She should really manage her time better.

But you didn’t have a gadget in your pocket where anyone in the world could get hold of you instantly. If this was the 80s/90s, would you be calling her every single day, maybe multiple times a day? If you had left her a voicemail, would you have expected an instant call back? Would your parents? Of course not, because people read messages/listen to voicemails when they can, and then come back when it is convenient. You’ve come across very entitled and dismissive of the demands on your daughter’s time, OP.

Though I’m cackling at the thought of your husband raising his eyebrows with a quiet, “Well, I told you so.”, at the response you’ve received on here 😂

For people that say they reply quickly, I take it you must have your phone open all the time, in your hand, or on the sofa next to you, or at the dinner table, on hands ffree in the car? On a walk? Down the shops?

My phone is in my bag most of the time. Its there now. I dont hold it in my hand and I dont have hands free.

Slow… clap….

It often takes me days to reply to text messages.
I don’t look at my phone 6-8.30pm because that’s bathtime and bedtime and I don’t think I should be distracted from being with my children. Once they’re in bed that’s when I sit down on the sofa and catch up with my phone. So yes, I probably would be replying at 9ish.

I've had 36 messages to reply to today, imagine if I stopped looking after the kids to do that throughout the day. She's getting back to you when she can.

I'm busy with 2 kids until 9pm. I bet you weren't in bed at 9pm when you have kids?

"But I managed my time"
You're lucky you get a reply the next day if that's the kind of attitude you have about your own daughter.
I'm guessing this was the days before smart phones. When we didn't have phones buzzing with notifications all day long and lived in a society that didn't expect people to be available on the phone 24/7.

I think you've clearly forgotten how hard it is having two small children op.
Cut your daughter some slack, maybe make sure she is ok. She probably doesn't have time to eat properly or pee in peace far less texting people back!

This has to be a wind up! She is managing her time by replying when her kids are in bed.

Also, texting back may physically only take a second but it breaks her attention and interaction with her children. When with a 3 yo and baby do you ever have time to completely stop paying attention to look at a device? I have a baby and do all my texting at nap times and bed time.

This. It’s very obvious surely?! She is allowed to prioritise such young children and her days are most likely more hectic than you remember when you had young children. You sound rude and arrogant, the comment about “managing her time” was especially obnoxious. Its not all about you 🙄

A reply doesn't take a few seconds for everyone. It can take a lot of mental energy for some people. It's also very easy to forget if you read the text just before baby starts crying or you're about to head out. I think it's pretty shitty for you to write a post like this about your daughter and be consumed with your own feelings rather than thinking she must be really busy with her 2 young DC.