AIBU to feel hurt by my daughter’s slow replies to messages

Your expectations are wildly unrealistic.

Surely the whole point of a text message, instead of a phone call, is that it can be responded to at the recipient's convenience? What makes you think it's reasonable for anyone to demand immediate attention from anyone?

I try not to be on my phone around my (similar aged) kids so no one gets a text back during the time I’m with them unless it’s genuinely urgent, or about an imminent meet up with them, or something like that. With two very young kids it’s highly likely that she is much, much busier than you are - give her a break and take the conversation at a more gradual pace. She does message back, she isn’t ignoring you, she is just trying to fit everything in!

But who says your way of managing your time is the right way - or even the only way?

Unless your text has some urgency (in which case you'd ring surely) why would she need to respond quicker than she does?

She's managing her time you're just annoyed that you're not her main priority. Narc much?

But you didn't have a smart phone or a mother who sent you messages expecting instant replies.

Here's another interpretation: she finds you needy when she has other priorities so she replies when she knows you've gone to bed so she doesn't have to get into a lengthy exchange with you.

What are you messaging her about?

One of my daughters is the same. She called me 10:30pm last night.

She’s busy - let it go. Your long-term relationship is the most importing thing. Be there for her when she needs you and be easy about everything else.

And I doubt that was during a time where texts and WhatsApp were popular and therefore people like you expected immediate attention and responses.

Don't put extra pressure on her or your relationship with her. Unless you want to fuck it up.

Not replying means she is busy. It also means she is secure enough knowing you'll always be there and isnt scared you're going to be a dick about how long it takes her to reply.

I get that ypu want more from her, but maybe right now, she doesnt have any more to give. Respect that. Get it right now and as the kids grow up and life eases you'll have laid the foundation for a great relationship with her.

What are you messaging about that's so important that it needs an instant response - every time??

Your DD is dealing with a 2 yo and a small baby. Of course the only time she has to respond to non-emergency messages is once the kids are in bed.

Why are you going to bed at 9pm? That seems ridiculously early. But surely you can respond to her messages then? Why is you going to bed more important than her looking after small children? You can text in bed, she can't text whilst stopping a 2yo launching itself down the stairs/into the road or when the baby needs feeding/changing or when she's driving or shopping etc with them both!!

You expect her to follow your sleeping schedule but you can't give her leeway while looking after 2 small kids.

Manage your time better and stay up to a time when it's convenient for her.

She is managing her time.
She is responding at a time that is most convenient for her and her family.

My mother is like you... will text me or call me and then complain that I'm actually doing something like cooking dinner, giving kids a bath, doing a load of laundry, putting kids to bed, at the grocery store etc.

It's not her fault you go to bed at the same time she is probably able to sit down for the first time that day.

9pm is when I pick up my phone and get back to non urgent messages too.

I get messages all day long on numerous platforms. I'd say I probably get 30 messages a day that require attention. If I replied instantly I am communicating to friend/ partner / kids / whoever i am with IRL that whoever is on my phone is more important. It interrupts conversations, eating, discipline etc.

Have you thought about why you might be seeing this in such a bad light? Are you envious or upset about other things?

Its now being recognised that parents constantly on the phone is bad for children.

If you’re old enough to have GC, I’m going to take a guess that your time as a parent to young kids was long enough ago that phones and constant texting wasn’t something you needed to factor in.

Anyway YABU. My DH keeps his phone in his laptop bag at work and will reply at lunchtime or before he leaves for the day. He’s not replying to messages the second they come in because he’s busy. Like your daughter is.

Maybe if you don’t have your phone glued to your hand you wouldn’t notice how quickly she replies.

You don’t have to read the text at 9pm. You can leave it until the next day - or next few days. How often are you texting her?

Bet you didn’t have a mobile phone and a parent expecting you to message back the INSTANT you received a message.

Cut her some slack and instead of counting the minutes it takes her to reply, ask her if she needs any help!!

You sound so very needy.

Did you have a mobile phone when you had very young children?

What is your relationship with her like?.

Oh it’s another Granny post isn’t it? Sigh.

My ds1 can take weeks…I have to teams him at work if I want a quick answer to anything 😀

When you had small children/ babies was there smartphones with instant messaging where people expect immediate replies?

Did your mother text you when your DCs were tiny? Obviously not, so no, you can’t compare.

I don’t reply to texts immediately, never have.

phone is silenced during work/in the day.

I reply when I have time - which is generally the evening.

this is a very standard way to do things.

That was probably 20 years ago, when mobiles were just getting started.