AIBU to feel hurt by my daughter’s slow replies to messages

We can't win can we? On our phone? We're bad parents. Not on our phones? Bad daughter.

She's clearly busy with two small children and probably has the measure of you being an arse.

You’ve written this in a way that is quite damning towards yourself, makes me a bit suspicious this is a reverse.

Edit: OP is either winding us up or this is a reverse.

Is this a different take on the bad grandmother threads we are being flooded with?

Leave her alone. People are sick of being expected to jump to their notifications. She replies to you, stop trying to dictate when she replies.

I'd never hear from my adult children if I had silly rules like this! Mine know I go to bed 9/9.30 and regularly text at that time or later and I answer at 5/6!am when they are probably asleep. No one minds. They are both super busy with careers mortgages kids and hobbies and I love that their lives are full and fulfilling as is mine

😂

I don't reply to texts the minute they arrive. I'm so not glued to my phone that I once left it in the car overnight and half the following morning. Some of my friends are the same.

Anyone who might need to get hold of me in a genuine emergency would know to ring me, and also has my landline number and would use that if it was a life or death type thing and I didn't answer my mobile. I still have a landline phone because the mobile signal here is weak and unreliable.

You didn't have a phone in your hand where someone could get hold of you every second of every day and expect a reply. No doubt you have a landline that would ring and you may or may not have answered it depending on how busy you were that day.

The OPs username is interesting too.

This exactly !

Texting and even thinking of replying takes up mental energy. If you have 2 very young children, there isn't much of that going spare.

She's probably texting at 9 pm, not because she knows it’s your bedtime but because the kids are in bed and she's finally got a moment to think !

I think you’re overthinking and getting a bit paranoid.

This reply just compounds my initial thoughts from your OP that you're demanding and actually not particularly nice to communicate with. I'd avoid your texts too

You managed your time in a pre-smart phone age. I bet your mother wasn’t texting you throughout the day and getting miffed that replies
could take up to a day.
It sounds like your daughter is managing her time just fine - she deals with work and her kids during the day, then when everyone’s in bed and she has time to go through her messages, she replies. If it’s that urgent, call her.

I’m so hurt by the OPs slow replies

If she came round to see you but kept doing things on your phone, that probably wouldn’t feel great.

Wow. With that sort of viewpoint she’s a better woman than me replying at all.

She is managing her time in a way that works for her, her husband and children.

Ouch. That sounds really pointed. When you had your children did you have a mobile phone?

She is managing her time, just not to your timetable.

My older son is like this, but I know he’s up at 5.30, has a full time demanding job, 2 sons, wife who works, dog etc etc and collapses into bed at 9.00 pm.

I’d phone him for anything important.
My mum was cross because I hadn’t phoned her within 2 days of my C section, when the ward phone was broken (pre-mobiles). Don’t be like my mum!

It might be your attitude

Why should she have to jump to it? You are just deciding when and how to impose yourself on her day. The expectation that she will drop whatever she’s doing in order to prioritise you is the only rude part of this.

I'm with you op. Surely we all prioritise our messaging. So, say a colleague or friend messages I'll get back to them later when it's convenient.
When my dm or dc message I reply if not immediately then as soon as I can maybe an hour or 2 if I'm out.

All these posts saying 'oo messages take time you've got to stop what your doing' etc, well everyone manages to scroll non stop on their phone even with such apparently <on here> massive demands of having kids to look after.

Parents and kids should get replies, everyone else can wait imo.

Your daughter is busy with her children all day. I'm assuming that she replies to your message after she has got the children into bed and asleep. Why does she have to work to your timetable when I'm sure she is busier than you?

How old are you? Your 9pm bedtime seems very early. Maybe she thinks that is unreasonable and if you stayed up a bit later, you could have a chat with her.

Maybe she doesn’t always gave her phone on her so it’s not distracting around the children and she can give them her full attention.

The irony of OP disappearing from the feed and not replying.

But you didn't have people sending you texts and expecting an immediate reply, did you?

You say she can be dismissive towards you. I wonder why this is🤔.

I know people who take weeks to reply - one nun took over 1 month …. Not everyone is glued to their phones. And she had two very young kids!!! you sound overbearing.