AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

You are aware mixed sex couples also hurt harm and kill babies

In fact they do it more frequently

Are you aware the OP and her wife are women? What a strange post.

Hetero woman here. I would not want to spend any time with this woman purely because she is a bigot. Heterosexual couples abuse and murder kids. Ergo, hetero couples should also not be able to adopt? 🤔

I'd be tempted to put the ball in her court. Message her saying 'Hi X, I've just seen your posts on FB (or wherever). I'm not sure if you know that (DC's name) other parent is also a woman. Let me know if you want to cancel our meet up next week as I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable.' Depending on how pass-agg I was feeling I might add on 'given that you think [insert her exact comment].'

i.e. basically kill her with kindness by being perfectly polite but making it clear it's a her issue. Either she has to reply cancelling and admitting she's a massive homophobe OR might shock some sense into her that she isn't just spewing hate into a void but is making ignorant comments about people she knows in real life and who can see what she is saying. Personally I think she'll probably reply making up some random excuse that she's forgotten she's double booked that day or similar. To be honest it hardly matters, the main thing is you avoid the awkwardness of telling her on the day - why should you have to sit there wondering how she will react if you accidentally refer to 'my wife' or DC mentions 'mum and mummy' or whatever.

If you do what DW says you'll just face the same issue when she tries to reschedule so I'd just sort it now.

I am in a same-sex relationship and we have a 4-year-old, and there are two things I would say regarding this situation.

Firstly, never feel like you have to hide who you are or your relationship. What message does that send to your child? I’ve definitely had moments where I’ve wanted to just blend in and avoid awkwardness, but my daughter has proudly introduced her two mummies more times than I can count. Every time, I choose to smile and stand tall—because I want her to grow up feeling proud of her family and where she comes from.

Secondly, this woman sounds unpleasant, to put it politely. Regardless of whether this situation involved a same-sex or straight couple, I’d still steer well clear. Some people just aren’t worth your energy.

How lovely for you. Would you therefore set up a playdate with a family who was a same-sex couple? Or lecture them when you found out? If it was reversed and you found out during a playdate what would you do? Might actually be useful to the OP to know what bigots do when confronted by actual people.

(Being 'allowed to have children' is a bit chilling. You're aware that you are talking about eugenics? How on earth would you prevent people from having children?)

In my opinion it's borderline neglect letting your children hear that drivel then taking it to school

I'm so sorry your little one had to hear that and got so confused

The more you explain and the more unhinged posts I see on this thread the more I think you should prioritise your mental health and wellbeing and - possibly - safety, and focus on spending time with people who don't hate your family. You can be an example or a model or whatever else during all the hours and hours of time your children already spend together, without having some odd conversation over a coffee while your children mostly ignore each other. Nursery playdates are for the parents more than anyone else and this doesn't feel like it would be a particularly fun time.

A friend of mine has a toddler and had just immigrated here before getting pregnant so has been very desperate to find friends and make connections. One of the women in her NCT group was a massive anti-vaxxer. My friend thought they could have a parent relationship and just never really talk about it. Turns out not so much - it was absolutely the topic this woman wanted to raise given any excuse. So she dropped the friendship and moved along. I just can't see where this would go for you that would be any more of value really - it's not like you're going to be friends, your kids are too tiny to care and you are already a bit anxious about it.

Lovely
Care to explain why

I agree with you @Jesstica

Why would you want to be socialising with someone who is openly against your family set up.

I think it would be different if her reactions were specific to the incident and people being discussed but if I have understood you correctly, she's interacting with more general negative comments and opinions relating to same sex parents.

Depending what time of person you are, i'd send a message and say this is a bit awkward but i've seen on socials you are interacting with negative posts that relate to our family set up, X other parent is also female, and to save you and me both being uncomfortable i think it's best we cancel the playdate.

Agreed. I had my son telling me his classmate said people need to marry people with the same skin colour. He found this confusing and upsetting as we’re a mixed ethnicity family and he only in year 1. It happens fast and young.

I wouldn’t go ahead with the play date.
You don’t owe any person your company, if their views are prejudice against you. The sooner society stops tolerating homophobia / sexism / racism, the better.

Hmm, not that is ok but I'd suspect given the recent case (reported this) of the little baby who was adopted and brutally murdered by a gay male couple. It was reporter this week this is more of a reactive response to that rather than indicative of any true problematic views. People are reacting very strongly

Kill 'em with kindness 👍
If that doesn't work, mash 'em with militancy, or wanker them with wokeness 😀

For me it would be a situation I’d have to deal with head on.

’Sorry June, I have to cancel the play date next week. I saw your Facebook posts regarding same sex adoption and parenting and given I am in a same sex relationship I feel this is for the the best’

It doesn’t need to be more than that.

Kids learn hate from their parents

Personally I'd not be wanting anything to do with that woman and if not want my child to have anything to do with theirs

You’ll either have to dance around being same sex parents, „expose yourself“ and risk being berated or your DC being exposed to homophobia… I wouldn’t want to do that.

but you (and your wife) have to decide for yourselves what‘s right for your family.

Just to put this to you from you child's perspective: your child is really unlikely to remember this child in 3 years time. Cancelling will have zero impact on them.

Also, this person you're describing would not think too much about cancelling plans with you if they knew you were a same sex couple (and they truly believed what they "liked" on facebook).

And yes, with the benefit of 9 years of parenting experience, I DO avoid arranging playdates with kids who's families I don't like very much, or where I've ascertained he's had uncomfortable experiences with (very controlling parents, for example).

I think you need to feel safe where you go. But equally nothing will change if you hide away. I would want the social group to get used to things quickly rather than a big fuss made when they ‘find out’ later and their kids hear upsetting things that they might repeat to your dc.
if you want to go say ‘child would love to come, not sure yet if it will be me or my wife /gf /her other mum Susan taking her or perhaps both of us if there’ll be space?’ Give her a chance to get used to it before you arrive. Knowing you might change her mind!

Having been in a vaguely similar position before, I would give the people a chance. You never know what just your great personality and good vibes will do to slowly do to broaden their minds about certain topics. You never know, you may or may not click on a human level, your children
may not either, I would start with that first.

The Preston Davey case is grim and is going to unfortunately raise tensions for the gay and lesbian community. I really feel for you and your family.

That. People's views only moderate if they actually get to meet the subjects of their bias, and realise that they're actually just people, and they actually have stuff in common.

Hard no.

screenshot the comments

text them and say you are no longer available. no need to explain