AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

Sigh. And if the OP wasn’t actively taking her daughter on play dates and get together her daughter would just hang out at home and follow her mother around while she did laundry and washed the dishes. I grew up in an era of hand’s off parenting and it wasn’t always a win. This post is about a ‘nursery’ aged child who certainly isn’t going to go sort out her own play dates.

The extent to which parents "curate" their children's friendships and activities today is depressing. Our parents very rarely intervened in such matters, We fell in and out of friendship and toughed it up when we were abandoned and bullied. Having your parents organise everything is very poor preparation for the harsh world we live in now.

They were in response to the news story but the OP has repeatedly said they weren't about MEN they were about all same.sex couples....

And where exactly did I say anything of the sort?

Now I’m going to assume you’re a woman. Would you be prepared to hang out with a man who was liking posts that said women only belonged in the kitchen and should put up and shut up? Or that all women deserve to be raped? Would you spend your time trying to “educate” such a man in order to ensure you don’t exist in an echo chamber? You don’t want to be tribal after all!

Your point has already been made. Up to everyone to educate themselves. Not your job. Not your business. Noted.

I have absolutely no idea who you associate with. It certainly comes across that they either share your opinion unilaterally or theyre out. Same with lots of frothing comments on this thread. It certainly explains to me why we’re all so fractured at the moment.

Why should the OP have to do that though? If she wants to then great and good on her, but it’s not the job of gay people to go around putting themselves in uncomfortable situations and educating bigots and seeking approval from ignorant people. It would be especially confusing and upsetting for her child considering it’s likely, at nursery age, they’ll be in earshot. At that age the kid still has the luxury of believing his family is completely normal and no one would think there is something “wrong” with them. He/she is too young to have that illusion shattered because they can’t possibly understand why people are bigots

If my 'bubble' is filled with friends who think my mother is allowed to be my mother (or in OP's case, that she is allowed to be her child's parent) I'm okay with that.

I think we all are very well aware of the bigots around us, but that doesn't mean we need to invite them into our social lives.

Oh that’s lovely. Very cohesive.

The people you deem acceptable the people who share your views, and only your views. An echo chamber if you will.

OP, I genuinely admire you for your restraint in this matter. If it were me in your situation then I would have immediately called out her behaviour. Not in really confrontational way but id let her know that I had seen her views and given her the option to cancel. Probably signed off by 'dont worry, I won't tell all the other parents youre a bigot, see you monday'

Two mum family here as well, and when DD was at nursery I'd probably have gone along and had an awkward time. These days I'm much more confident and would message her to cancel and tell her why. Along the lines of "Hi Barbara, I was scrolling through FB earlier and saw your enthusiastic support for the idea that all same-sex couples are unnatural deviants and shouldn't have families. You're wholly entitled to hold that view but given that I'm married to a woman and Tabitha has two mums I think a playdate would be very awkward, so I'm going to cancel it and spend the time doing something deviant, like the laundry. All the best."

In your shoes, I would cancel. Life is too short to spend precious time with bigots. The children can play together at nursery, no need for "play dates" with people who have shown you who they are.

As is everyone, good or bad.

They’ve all
got “views” right or wrong!

The children should be your priority

I think it depends on the level of risk you perceive and how you want to be involved in helping combat homophobia. If they're the kind of rabid homophobes who might kick you out of their home or even assault you, for instance, then no way would I go there. If they're lazy homophobes who believe trash on SM then it depends whether or not you want to be bothered with trying to change their minds.

Indeed. We’re doing it anyway. Lots of us. 😀 but your comments are noted. My old neighbour didn’t think people should marry outside their ethnicity. He was also entitled to his view, the racist old bastard. I wonder why he died alone, estranged from family, scowling at the world.

I’d Just make an excuse and not go, I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. We had to do a similar thing with a family who supported the education taxes

PS there’s nothing ‘woke’ about not spending time in the company of homophobes when you don’t have to!

2 mum family here - you owe them NOTHING. Fuck that for a game of soldiers, as they say!
I wouldn’t go. Cancel. I wouldn’t bother talking to them about it unless they ask why you do t want to meet up.
My kids are now teens and I can tell you that most people will be lovely about your family, and you shouldn’t waste one second of your attention on those who aren’t. NOT ONE SECOND.
You’ll have endless opportunities for your kid/s to have play dates with people who aren’t homophobic arseholes.

I think you should text something like

my wife just reminded me we have something already happening so will have to cancel but would be great to arrange another time. Sorry

I don't think it's really about that though. This person is coming out, on a public page, and saying the OP's family is somehow less genuine or worthy than another family. At nursery aged playdates, the parents are hanging out - often much more so than the children. I wouldn't want to spend my precious free time with someone I know disapproves of my entire life. I am 100% aware that my children have a rich and varied social life with all sorts of people (including a friend of my son's whose parents fully disapprove of the boys' friendships as my son is Jewish) and I don't do anything to control that. But I wouldn't go have a coffee with that mum either.

Personally I would be cancelling. i couldn’t sit and make small talk with someone knowing they hate the whole essence of me and who knows if they air those views in front of their DC and then they then repeat those things to your DC.

Yes you can’t control what children say to eachother when you are not around, but you can try and limit contact.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the friendship, your DC is still in nursery, so still very young and friendships are still very fluid at that age.

I disagree, I'm afraid. I think cases like this give people with problematic views an excuse to air them. Of course, it's an absolutely appalling and devastating case (though I should note that neither member of the couple accused has yet been convicted). But the vast majority of gay couples who adopt children, or have biological children don't abuse them.

OP, in your position - which I'm not - I'd cancel the playdate for now with a vague excuse and then turn up to a nursery event with your wife. You will probably learn a lot from that, and you will be safer in numbers. (I'd hope this woman wouldn't use a softplay as a site for a homophobic rant, but honestly, you never know.)

There is a parent at my DC's school who I know to be homophobic. I wouldn't stop my DC attending his kids birthday party. I wouldn't let my DC go to their house unattended.

What's wrong with being woke lesbians? Make the bloody waves I say and no I wouldn't be having play dates or encouraging this friendship.