AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

Because it’s the same old virtue signalling nonsense that we all fall over daily on social media. Reread the thread. The pearl clutching over the great unwashed with their less than perfect thoughts. The unwillingness to engage or ‘educate’. It’s embarrassing. We are not worthy.

Her nursery wasn't attached to a school.

I wouldn't go on principle. The kiddos can be friends but id avoid the awful adults

Re my PP above. Not all nurseries are attached to a school.

Many are independent, so @Jesstica that may shape your response if it is the nursery that leads into the local infant/primary school. We only have one of those in my town and it fed into a school that was only ‘fair-good’, so no-one sent their darlings there! Have about 5 independent/village nurseries and a few attached to private schools.

Yes, really.

Really? It's true that I don't remember ALL the children that DD was at nursery with, but one of them (that went on to the same school) is her best friend and there's something special about the way they've grown up together and understand each other so well. The other that went to her school is also still a good friend (although boys and girls are not that interested in each other at this age) and there's another little girl at a different school we keep in touch with regularly too.

I’d cancel.

That doesn't make sense?

I wouldn’t go, myself. Nursery friendships have no depth and don’t continue into school. I couldn’t even tell you the names of the children my 18 and 21yo went to nursery with. There were no outside playdates, just one party for DS. One or two may have ended up at the same infant school but if they did it had no bearing on school/class friendships. So long as they are socialised and happy to mix with other children at nursery and outside activities, they will be fine at school.

I would have given this mother a swerve, personally, and I’m straight [mum to a lesbian, now, but obvs didn’t know that when she was 4!].

Is't the OP's kid in nursery though? Hard for nursery aged kids to curate their own friendships, isn't it?

It's not just "any posts they find offensive" though, is it (nor is it a particularly arsey message). There are plenty of posts I'd personally disagree with to the point of them being offensive but people are entitled to their views and I'd gladly take my child to a playdate with someone who holds polar opposite views to mine. I have done, numerous times. DD's best friend in reception lived in a hugely evangelical household and I know they hold strong views against gay marriage - but they're lovely to me, and they don't think gay people are evil, just that we shouldn't get married because in their view it's a sacrament between a man and a woman. Fine. I've sat and chatted to people who hold very different views to mine on immigration, or on the criminal justice system, or on gender roles, while our children play.

It's an entirely different scenario to posting in public - or giving a speech at Speakers Corner - or announcing loudly in the local pub - that you think a particular group of society are dangerous or criminal just because they belong to that group. I'd not stop anyone thinking it or publicly saying it, but I don't have to go and drink tea with them either. Why wouldn't I protect my child from someone who thinks my family shouldn't be allowed? If I was in a mixed-race marriage and my child had a playdate lined up with someone who'd been liking white supremacist posts about Britain being diluted by dual heritage children would you think I should just go along and have a Tunnocks teacake to keep the peace? Because that's a level of appeasement that even I, as a serial people pleaser, can't accept.

I find it interesting that your argument rests on the supposition that you are open to speaking to anybody because you don’t make assumptions about people, yet you seem very intent on telling me who I would hate and what I would think of others. You don’t know anything about me, my politics or my stance on anything, yet you have created an entire narrative about me using a number of well-trodden tropes designed to sow societal disharmony.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

You are of course entitled to your view. And others are entitled to avoid you because of it. Curious if you have children and how you'll cope if one of them is gay though.

😂

I literally talk to anyone and everyone. I’m absolutely sure some of the people I engage with and have engaged with are Reform voters. Im not scared of them. They are hard working people who really care about their family and country. I’m sure you would absolutely HATE them. They’d be disgusting and vile.

I see people as multi faceted and interesting. I even dare to try and change their minds if I think their politics are misguided. I have well thought out dialogue with them and are informed enough to make interesting counter arguments. No one falls out. I still like them afterwards, because I can usually understand why they feel the way they do. Walk a mile in a man’s shoes.

Of course if I found out someone had some depraved criminal record i’d dump them like a sack of sick, but I haven’t knowing conversed with someone like that yet.

I saw the grandad post you’re talking about. What you described isn’t what happened. He was upstairs in the bedroom with her, deliberately kept the toys she liked up there, while the grandson played with other toys downstairs, and insisted on closing the bedroom door while they were in there together. On other occasions he insisted on taking her to the toilet despite plenty of female relatives being present and offering. There were red flags all over the place. It wasn’t cos she “didn’t trust any man she wasn’t related to!”

You want consequences for the children of people who broadcast views you don’t agree with on social media ? Sounds quite sinister, are you a Labour voter?

Why? What is it you think you’d do to the child if you married someone the same sex and adopted? Why are you safe to have kids in a heterosexual relationship but not a gay one? If you found you couldn’t conceive with your husband, would an adopted child be safe with? If not, why not?

And why should the parent have to lie about the reason they don’t want to go to the bigot’s house? Might actually make the mum think about the effect the hateful opinions she spouts for all to see, have on the people around her. If she’s just ignorant and not hateful it might cause her a bit of well-deserved shame and, if she likes the OP it might result in her changing her beliefs once she sees not all gay parents are monsters who are going to fuck up their kid. As for the kid having a terrible time - they’re in nursery. Neither child will know anything about it. I’d encourage doing this even more if the kid were older - I guarantee it’ll be the bigot mum who comes off worse in the eyes of other kids and young people, and, most likely other parents. Thankfully the majority of people don’t think like her these days.

This would be ideal! I think it would be no harm for these people to realise that when they broadcast views on SM there will be a consequence for their child. One less kid at a play date won't harm them but they could in time be ostracised because of this. It also gives them the chance to correct you if it was misinterpreted somehow, although this looks unlikely.

I wouldn’t be wanting my child to be friends with kids whose parents had such dodgy values regardless of whether I was in a same sex relationship or not!
If your kid is at nursery they are still young enough that you absolutely can have some control over who they are friends with outside nursery.

I wonder if it's worth just messaging the Mum and saying. "Hey, we're looking forward to the playdate on Saturday. For the avoidance of awkwardness, just wanted to check you already know that Maggie and I are a same sex couple?"

If she's horribly homophobic, she might then claim her child is ill or something and cancel. If I received a message like that I would be so keen to reassure the parents how welcome they were.

Why on earth would anyone do this? The poor kid has years of nursery/school etc they'll have a terrible time if their parents fire off arsey messages to anyone who likes posts that they find offensive.