AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

I'd be inclined to go and see how it plays out naturally in conversation. I don't think you should have to either hide or announce your family set-up in advance. If they really are massive homophobes/bigots then fuck them off like the cunts they are. You absolutely shouldn't have to worry about this, but I completely get why you are thinking about it. Sadly there are people like this but you can't shield your children from it forever so start as you mean to go on. Much love and all the best x

I hear you, as a hetro female coming up to 39 years married, technically as “straight” as can be, it also appauls me, I stand up to the sort of posts as much as I can. Unfortunately, I can’t spend 24 hours a day doing it, so I mostly go unheard.

Don’t spend your time with such people, you’re better than that.

You’re just unhappy because you didn’t like the fact I didn’t agree with you. Not everyone will. It’s okay.

You’re trying to find reasons to feel depressed at this point. Life is hard enough without reading a thread online and deciding the world is out to get you. Little bit of fresh air and some warm sun on your face will help. It’s meant to be a very nice weekend 👌

Don’t meet her then. You’ve made up your mind. People on here have agreed. Just cancel the play date and ignore her going forward. Easily sorted.

It's depressing how many posters think it's the responsibility of gay people to educate homophobes or ingratiate themselves with them in an effort to "change their minds".

But the reason those nasty vile men did that to the baby was nothing to do with them being gay? It’s because they were vile nasty people.

the same as the many parents who hurt and abuse and kill their children, as one example baby p, but sadly many more.

I’m straight and I would swerve this woman, I find her views abhorrent and I would want to protect my young children from being exposed to them, which is easy to do at this age at least. Harder to do when they are older and you may not want your DD to lose a friend over it. But at this age when friendships are entirely reliant on you, life is too short to maintain a relationship with someone who has those views about families like yours. I’d decline/avoid and if forced I’d explain why. She put her views on the community Facebook page, don’t put them out there if you are prepared to be held to account for them.

Yes you are. People are also entitled to avoid social contact with you because they find your views abhorrent.

The OP has absolutely no idea how this lady feels about her family set up. She has surmised how this lady feels from the small amount of social media activity she has seen.

You think it's 'virtue-signalling nonsense' for someone not to want to expose themselves (never mind their child) to someone who holds negative beliefs about her family set-up and might find this out while they happen to all be together? If you haven't experienced finding out live that someone happens to be prejudiced against someone like you then you're very lucky and I hope you don't have to find out how awful and stomach-dropping it is to realise they immediately think less of you. Maybe OP wouldn't be in that situation, but maybe she would - and a lifetime of never knowing which it would be is exhausting, and in this instance she has a heads up that actually, there's a fairly good chance this mum actively disapproves of her just because of her life.

Why whataboutery the facts? It’s okay to recognise that two gay males sexually abused a baby to death alongside recognising that other males, not in a gay relationship, have also violently abused children. When you aren’t wrapped up in needing to be right you can recognise the common denominator here are males. Violent men and absolutely nothing to to do with lesbians.

@Jesstica Your little one is 3? Then you and your wife get to choose who they have playdates with.
Cancel it. You don't need that kind of attitude around your children.

What has the fact that they’re a gay couple got to do with the fact they murdered and abused their adopted child?! Do you know how many fostered/adopted children have been abused by straight couples? Does anyone mention their sexuality in these cases? No. Jeeez this reminds me of back in the day when people used to think gay men must be peados 🤣

I think if someone (especially someone who is presumably still fairly young if she has a nursery age child) has got to 2026 and still holds these bigoted views it’s not because they aren’t educated, it’s because they’re hateful..possibly ignorant as well but I agree no adult takes kindly to “being educated”, especially not by a virtual stranger on a play date! Also it’s not your responsibility to educate her

The OP has said the ‘friend’s’ reaction was to the story of the male gay couple who allegedly murdered a child that had been placed in their care. There was some nuance to the reaction even if that doesn’t suit your knee jerk reaction straight to unbridled bigotry.

If they do go to the same school then my experience is that they do tend to stay close, and it's going to be tricky to avoid this Mum until Y6. However, it seems that this varies- although at minimum there'll be a few whole class parties in KS1. You're within your rights to write her off now and have nothing more to do with her but it might get more awkward over time.

It's not your job to educate and I wouldn't to be honest, just the fact that you are a perfectly nice, normal woman who happens to be in a relationship with a woman with (I presume) a perfectly happy, well-balanced child who happens to have 2 Mums might be enough to make her rethink her ideas. I definitely wouldn't entertain a political debate, I'd challenge her simply by demonstrating what a same sex family looks like, which is probably very different to the propaganda she's been swallowing.

I suppose it depends on what you want out of any interaction. I know you didn’t want to discuss politics, as you stated as such in your opening post, so would a play date require you to know anything about the other parent’s views on same sex parenting? If you hadn’t seen their social media activity you would be none the wiser as to how they felt about a range of subjects. You’re trying to filter these people out before you’ve got to know them, and I think that would be a shame.

On the general point of whether people like to be educated I couldn’t talk about anyone other than myself. I don’t have fixed views on much, so I’m always open to discussing things and I certainly might change an opinion based on meeting someone and I might realise I was totally wrong about certain subjects. That’s the joy of meeting a mix of people.

The OP isn’t just talking about a differing political belief though - the belief this woman has is directly offensive to her family, her child, and her whole identity. Don’t you get what the difference is? Assuming you are white and imagine you’re married to a non-white person and have mixed race kids. Imagine if a white acquaintance invited you and your kids to their house then you saw posts on SM from them that said they don’t agree with interracial marriage. They wouldn’t have to say much more than that for you to know it’s because they’re a racist, they believe any other skin colour is inferior to white, so they believe your partner and children are sub-human. Would you be happy to spend time and make polite conversation with this person? Would you risk them saying something racist in front of your child? If you haven’t been discriminated against for who you are then you have no idea what it feels like to be around people who disagree with your very existence

In which case, I really would not worry about being invested in relationships [DCs or yours/DWs with other parents]. So long as baby is having a great time and is settled, they will be set up for whichever school they go on to and make ‘proper’ friends there. And if there is a child or two from the independent nursery you are using at the same school and in the same class, then all well and good.

Play groups (rugby tots, playball, music with mummy etc) are the place to meet likeminded fellow mums locally, and you will soon find the ones that accept your family without question. I truly would not bother with this other mother as it is clear you don’t really share the same values.