AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

Would you be happy to be called a racist, if you weren’t one?

Go along an educate them. Theres nothing that can replace seeing what great parents you are. Your just two women or men doing there best to bring up children. Don’t let their ignorance.have any effect on yours or your children’s lives. When they see how great you are what can they say.

Homophobe is not a slur. It’s just a factual statement

I am a bisexual woman and I would not interact with anyone who supports negative statements being made about gay parents.

I accept that people can have different views/opinions from mine but I draw the line at any sign of homophobia, racism, xenophobia, bigotry and misogyny. Those are non negotiable.

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast maybe if you explained what exactly your point is, it’d be easier to understand. Is it that people should be open to having discussions with people who have different beliefs to them? I agree with that..but not to the extent of letting someone into your life that threatens your way of life or your child’s understanding of and security in their family. Is it that you shouldn’t assume that this woman is a homophobe cos she liked (multiple) posts about gay parents being damaging to their kids, kids should grow up in a heteronormative family, gay people shouldn’t adopt, the reason that child was abused was because his parents were a gay couple? Because I see that as the very definition of homophobia. It wasn’t just one like, it was multiple. That’s clear evidence that this person has homophobic views. Do you suggest the OP should go and get confirmation just to make sure? By doing what? Going to her house and starting a big (very awkward) discussion about it at her child’s play date? By sending her a text asking if she’s a homophobe? Neither of those things would be appropriate and neither of those things is the responsibility of the OP to do. People who are an minority’s first priority is to keep themselves and their families safe. You’d understand that if you’d ever suffered discrimination.

This reminds me of the The Dartmouth Scar Experiment. It’s a really interesting psychological experiment where the participants believed they still had a scar on their face and perceived bias in an interview because of it. I’ll link to it.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-school-walls/202410/invisible-scars

What if they’re not homophobes? What if youve decided they are based on limited knowledge and internalised prejudice, and you are completely wrong?

If my circle becomes smaller by excluding homophobes I’m fine with that!

The word homophobe. You are one of the posters using that word to describe people when you have absolutely no idea if they are prejudice or not. I’ve even being accused of homophobia on this thread, which is why I know your radar is faulty as I am certainly not homophobic even if it suits you to believe that. By throwing slurs around you just alienate people further and make your circle smaller.

You’re throwing slurs out again. You have painted people very firmly into groups. Homophobes and acceptable people. I’m pretty sure in the Venn diagram there is definite overlap of people you’d stick in homophobe and people who just think differently to you without any prejudice at all.

You think I think I’ve counter argued? What does that even mean? So you think I should surround myself with people who are the opposite of me? Who think very differently and that I have zero in common with? That I should deliberately make my life miserable and stressful by replacing all the friends I have that I have fun with, who like doing similar activities to me, who I laugh with, who I share values with, with people who don’t agree with my life, judge my parenting, don’t like any of the same things as me and I have nothing in common with?? What an utterly bizarre point of view. Honestly your “argument” makes zero sense. Obviously people choose friends who share their values and think similarly to them! It tends to make for a much more enjoyable life. That’s not to say I can’t get along with anyone who has different political viewpoints. I do have some friends with different politics to me but I’m never going to be friends with a homophobe because it’s deeply offensive to my family and my entire identity. If you don’t get that then you have never been discriminated for anything in your entire life. If you had you’d understand and you wouldn’t be here with this very weak argument. It’s an extremely privileged position to be in, most people would just be grateful for it and graciously keep quiet because they know they can’t possibly understand what discrimination for just being you feels like. I guess not everyone got that memo though 😬

Lol I’m definitely gonna steal that penis metaphor!

I'm sorry it's making you feel worn down op. It makes sense it would take a toll which is why protecting your bandwidth is so important. The only people you need to show up for are your wife and child, the rest is secondary to that.

Can you delete cookies to reset your algorithm a bit? I'm not super technical but thinking it might help?

There will always be people who have horrible opinions but there are more people out there who would challenge those opinions.

Some people just need to learn that opinions are like penises. Fine to have, not ok to take out and wave around at everyone without asking first.

i think you think you’ve counter-argued somehow, but you’ve just proved the point that you’ve surrounded yourself with people who think the same which was my point a thousand pages ago.

i know it’s a comfy thing to do and I completely understand the mindset, I just don’t think it’s useful to exist within an echo chamber.

NOT making them feel like they’re different I meant

Lol I haven’t “tried to make sure 80% of my mum friends are lesbians” 🤣. Of the mum friends I have they just happen to be the ones I have most in common with and are closest to. Most I’ve known for over 20 years and we had kids at a similar time, a few I’ve met through LGBT parenting groups, one is a school mum. I have straight mum and non-mum friends too. I don’t choose my friends because I’m trying to model some kind of diversity or whatever to my kids, they’re MY friends, I choose them because I like them, we get along and have things in common, just like everyone else. They just happen to be gay. It’s got nothing to do with my kids! But it does have the added bonus of making them feel like they’re different or the only ones with two mums.

You are throwing insults again.

Read back all my posts and see how many insults I’ve thrown (zero) and then read replies to me and see how many individual posters have called me names (lots).

I find it interesting. Is it in the spirit of the message board and is it in the interest of interesting conversation and debate? I would say it isn’t. Diversity of opinion and lifestyle is really important in society and especially important when raising children. We should be encouraging our children to engage and socialise with a wide variety of people and cultures. Celebrating difference is key.

Where does that poster say she has “decided to make sure” that 80% of her mum friends are lesbians? Why are you making stuff up? The fact that you don’t actually know the stats but are “pretty sure they’re not standard” really does demonstrate your homophobia.

You probably know way more homosexual people than you think - they are probably just not out to you. I wonder why.

Having read the thread, I’m curious to know whether you actually enjoyed spending time with this parent before this, or whether it would have been slightly awkward small talk either way?

Perfectly understandable to want to serve this one. If I were going to try to steel man her position I suppose it’s possible to assume that the real issue she has is with men, and the idea of two men in a relationship together multiplies whatever statistical risk factors she associates with men and children anyway, so potentially the idea of lesbians also being tarred as bad parents wouldn’t have even entered her head. But even if this was her position, you’d still be justified in wanting to swerve the play date because who wants to hang out with someone who is not only unable to articulate this position but goes on a public Facebook group to openly discuss it in an easily misread way?

You sound like a sensible, thoughtful person - I hope you find some other mums to hang out with who are genuinely fun company while your kids play!

Maybe you need to shrink your ‘bubble’ a bit and only let people in who you know feel 100% positive about your family. 80% of the mum friends in my bubble are lesbians, so it’s completely normalised for my kids.

Even this comment is bizarre. You have decided to make sure that 80% of your mum friends are lesbians so your kids think same sex relationships are the standard? I don’t know the stats on same sex relationships but I’m pretty sure they’re not the standard, why would you want your kids to think that every relationship looks the same? Where’s the diversity in that?

Pretty much everyone does…. what? Agree with the OP?

Pretty much everyone does…apart from you.