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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

365 replies

Jesstica · 22/04/2026 07:57

not a political debate do you decide which kids hang out with yours based on their parents (if they are of a parents coming along age?)

Hey. I'm from a 2 mum family and debating if I should still go on a play date thing. Long story short a local political group (naming no names!) has recently posted some dodgy stuff about same sex parents, box ticking and that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt which has meant that people in the comments are chipping in some bold stuff. One of the people liking/adding some posts, is someone who we are due to meet up with next week whos kid goes to nursery with ours. We dont know her well, I'd presume she knows our family set up but I don't know because this is the first non nursery meet up.

DW wants to be mysteriously busy, because she doesnt want any awkwardness if she hasn't realised, or for those views to get through to our kid if it becomes a longer friendship. Our kids can hang out at nursery etc, just not on parent play dates outside of it until perhaps when they are old enough that hanging out with the kid doesn't mean also hanging out with the parents.

I dont want to interfere with the friendship but am not thrilled at awkward parent chat while they play. None of this is either of our kids fault so I'm tempted to go along but then don't know what I'd do if she wants to schedule more

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 22/04/2026 08:22

I wouldn’t go. And I’d tell them why.

Jesstica · 22/04/2026 08:21

There's a tricky line between not wanting to be those woke lesbians! I still worry that acceptance of families like ours feels fragile, so I don't want to be the person creating waves.

Equally it's on our local community pages so is pretty in your face. I didn't specifically hunt her out in a private group etc

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/04/2026 08:20

Jesstica · 22/04/2026 08:12

Its not that. Its specifically about adoption, but mostly massive sweeping statements about gay parenting being unatural/ should be banned

Oh, that’s very different. I wouldn’t spend time with this person, I have had experience with one parent who had unsavoury views. We don’t see her anymore as she’s a big mouth to match her twisted mind.

Beachwalker66 · 22/04/2026 08:20

No I wouldn’t want my child in the care of a raging homophobe.

ChickenBananaBanana · 22/04/2026 08:20

Personally if it was out of the house ie at a park or similar I'd say both go. I deffo wouldn't have them in my home.

crackofdoom · 22/04/2026 08:19

So DW is proposing that you hide the fact that you are a gay couple in order to enable your DC's social life?

Really, I wouldn't do that. Your DC is going to have a lot of potential friends growing up, and while she is very young you will be forced to hang out with those parents. You might as well ensure that the parents you hang out with have compatible views from the off- if you're lucky, they might be potential friends.

I would be your absolute normal selves, and if they don't like it then the trash will take itself out.

Threesmycrowd · 22/04/2026 08:18

Think youre really justified either way. You can go, and likely educate them - and their kids - that youre just a normal family doing your thing. Unlikely that these keyboard warriors are close to any same sex parents, hence the "othering". They'll not be brave enough to express their views to your face so wont be awkward.

Alternatively, fuck em. Youre well within your rights not to go, and its just a nursery friendship, not something where you really need to support your kid.

Jesstica · 22/04/2026 08:18

ChickenBananaBanana · 22/04/2026 08:10

I doubt they know you have a wife tbh, unless you are both super present at pick up etc rather than it typically being one of you?

Yeah, i think it's possible that she doesn't. Which means the idea of making small talk feels abit tricky, knowing that she might not have agreed if she knew that

OP posts:
Jesstica · 22/04/2026 08:17

arethereanyleftatall · 22/04/2026 08:04

If she’s just ‘liked’ it, I wouldn’t be too concerned. I press liked on all sorts of stuff I don’t mean to by accident.

Definitely not accidental. Basically it's about the horrific case of child abuse recently. Lots of hang them type comments which i might not agree with but doesn't bother me. Shes responded that way on two different posts which is whatever, but its the stuff she's liked that's the issue

Some of it is pretty extreme stuff about all gay men being deviants, children needing hetro family set ups, stuff with homophobic language.

Its definitely not accidental.

OP posts:
Jesstica · 22/04/2026 08:12

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/04/2026 08:11

It wasn’t kind, OTOH it is not uncommon for people to be against surrogacy, when two fathers are parents they need a host/womb so it might be that.
Just keep the conversation basic. Most parents keep their personal views out of the play date conversation.

Its not that. Its specifically about adoption, but mostly massive sweeping statements about gay parenting being unatural/ should be banned

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/04/2026 08:11

It wasn’t kind, OTOH it is not uncommon for people to be against surrogacy, when two fathers are parents they need a host/womb so it might be that.
Just keep the conversation basic. Most parents keep their personal views out of the play date conversation.

ChickenBananaBanana · 22/04/2026 08:10

I doubt they know you have a wife tbh, unless you are both super present at pick up etc rather than it typically being one of you?

Octavia64 · 22/04/2026 08:08

I had no idea of the family arrangements if the kids who went to to nursery with mine.

it was hard enough remembering which kid went with which parent.

Hotandpointy · 22/04/2026 08:06

You wouldn’t be unreasonable not to go but under the circumstances, I definitely would. As you said, their views will filter down to the kids and, not to excuse their ignorance at all, but maybe they’ve never met any same sex couples? Kill them with kindness and they might twig that actually, you are normal people and perfectly valid parents, they might even end up sticking up for you if others are showing prejudice.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/04/2026 08:04

If she’s just ‘liked’ it, I wouldn’t be too concerned. I press liked on all sorts of stuff I don’t mean to by accident.