AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

I'm fairly right of centre but racism and homophobia are absolute boundaries I'd be busy and cancel this.

I wouldn't go and would try to promote other friendships which I think would be better long term for your child.

One of my best friends is married to a woman and has a sperm donor baby, 2 of my old uni housemates also have the same setup, but I don't think gay men should be allowed to adopt babies. The 2 aren't the same thing. I'm also anti surrogacy, I don't think anyone should be allowed to rent a woman's womb. My friend doesn't know I have these views why would she need to? The 2 things aren't related.

I would just cancel if she asks why “wouldn’t want to make anything awkward with your views on life Sally.”

It sounds like its a group play date rather than just you and her and your kids? Is that right? In that case I would go, the vast majority of people are reasonable and won't share her views and you should hold your head up high.
If its a one to one - then absolutely no way. You don't have to make nice with a bigot for the sake of your children.

I would actively choose to go. My best friend once had a massive rant about same issue (I was horrified). I gently pointed out to her that she attended a dinner party at my house two days ago and met a lovely gay couple and does she really believe they are unfit parents. She didn't realise they were a couple, apparently but this conversation completely changed her perspective to the point that years later she was apologising to me about this rant.
People believe what they believe until it is about some group of people they have no exposure to. So give her an opportunity to get to know you and change her mind.

I wouldn’t go OP and I’d discourage the friendship … there’s plenty of other kids who come from families who don’t hold these views.

I was sadly expecting this kind of response to that horrific case.

My DD is hoping to have a baby with her GF in the future and it saddens me immensely that this kind of shite still goes on 😟

This woman has shown you who she is, drop her and focus on some decent people at nursery.

I'd go on the playdate, assume they're a perfectly nice person who got swept up in things online due the the horrific abuse and casually mention your wife and see the reaction you get. It will be easy to make your decision on whether there will be any further play dates based on how that goes. At least then you'll know exactly where you stand.

I'd cancel and avoid them in future. Heterosexual couples abuse and kill children too, are they out with the pitchforks and abhorrent comments then?

I definitely avoided future play dates after going to one where the dad spent the whole time ranting about how covid was a hoax eg “well I never had the vaccine and according to them I should be dead by now. But more fool them, I won’t be microchipped like the rest of you”

I didn’t really worry it would influence DC, I just didn’t want to listen to it again.

Yeah it could be something about men using surrogates. I know that's not something a lot of people are keen on.

I think you are overthinking this, I had no idea what people's setup was in nursery, in fact I still don't for many and one of my children is off into y6 next year, they've been in the same class since nursery. One of the mums told me during lockdown her neighbour (who's kid is in the class) left her husband for a woman, I still don't know which kid it is 5 years on 🤣, you don't tend to go to kids partys/playdates in couples so it's impossible to work out.

Also are you sure the posts weren't in response to the hideous case of the 2 gay men adopting a 10 month old in Blackpool, they sexually abused him and he died at 13 months old, I read about it yesterday, one was a high school teacher too https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c393eww1pero there were many comments on the post on social media.

It's a perfectly legitimate point of view.

I'm bisexual and have been in relationships with women and, with respect, I don't believe in gay adoption.

It's not necessarily coming from a place of hate. (It might be, but not necessarily).

In your shoes, I’d cancel, OP. You’d be turning your home into a space that’s not safe for you or your family. I don’t mean physically unsafe, but why invite in someone who essentially hates you in essence? It’s not up to you to educate bigots.

Your child's life is not going to be greatly impacted by you organising a play date or not.

They have six to eight hours per nursery day to hang out and in case they are tiny children and not really capable of having deep and meaningful friendships yet....they are in the ?mostly playing alongside phase still!

Having a play date aged 3 is going to have no bearing on whether they are best friends at 16.

So if you don't want to go (and I wouldn't), don't go. You really don't need to have pre-school play dates at all with anyone - your child is not going to know the difference aged 12.

OP I would be inclined to message her and say that you have seen her views on sm and just to let her know, in case she didnt, that you are in a same sex relationship. That way you are outing her opinions in advance and also allowing the opportunity to cancel the play date if thats how she really feels.
I wouldnt hide it and if that is how she feels, thats no friendship your DC needs.

I have had similar issues in the past - not for the same reason, but because I’m both Jewish and an immigrant and I come across various views on either or both things regularly.

I would never ever lie about it, that won’t end well and no one will feel great about it.

In this scenario? I would probably cancel - the kids are tiny, they won’t know the difference and you wouldn’t want to have these people round in any scenario. There’s a lot to be said for just living your life and being a representative of just how boring and normal most people are (I am regularly the only Jewish person someone has met - I live in Scotland so not a lot of us!) but this goes beyond innocent confusion to something ickier.

I have had to shut down a neighbour a couple times - literally no idea why he thought I’d be a reform voter but as a Jewish immigrant with a gay mother I’m assuredly not! Kept it casual though as they live next door and I don’t need drama, but I won’t have them in our house either.

Move? Where to, there's bigots everywhere

No, I wouldn’t go on this play date. You’d try to avoid the topic relationship (which is harder to avoid than politics) and you still might slip and mention your wife at some point and it might become awkward. Apart from the fact that you’d understandably not want to hang out or make friendships with homophones (if the extend of their social media engagement suggests that they are) - I’m straight and I wouldn’t.

It's understandable that you'd rather swerve the interaction, but you're early into the parenthood journey and are you going to use avoidance every time you face an uncomfortable encounter in the decades to come? You'd be restricting yourself a lot.

Maybe use this as an opportunity to test the waters and see how it pans out. She may not know your family set-up, but even if she does, she won't necessarily be vocal about it. Some people have a blind spot about whether the views they express about the world in general apply to people they actually know - I had a colleague who would often talk about too much immigration, completely overlooking the fact that she was married to an immigrant. I think they see the problem with 'them' but anyone they know personally doesn't count as 'them'.

On your local community page? Jeez. I think I'd move.

I would do exactly what makes you feel most comfortable in the long term. You don't have to apologise for being a same sex couple and you don't have to stand up for all same sex couples everywhere either. Nor do you have to spend any time with a vile homophobe. Your kid's needs and yours are intertwined at this point and they don't need to apologise for having same sex parents either. If you don't want to hang out with this woman, don't, starting right now, and you don't have to explain (though you could). It's not just that you disagree it's that she is being vile about people like you. Why should you bother to twist yourself around trying not to cause awkwardness when she's the one causing it.

They’re setting their child up to fail in school if they share these views.
My DS friend has two Mammy’s, it’s never been an issue between the children, they will ask as they’re interested in the set up, then get on with playing.

Oh, apologies- I misread your initial quote as your DW wanting to keep out of the way so the other family didn't realise you're gay 😳