AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

I wouldn't encourage my child to play and bond with a child whose parents have these attitudes. Unfortunately they will likely be passed onto the child plus is the parent someone you really want to spend time with?

Also peoples family set ups are nobody else's business. One of my kids friend's had 2 mums. I didnt think anymore of it than I would have done than any other family set up. When dc excitedly told me his friend had 2 mums. I think i answered "thats nice" and we carried on reading a story.

Straight men and woman have murdered there own kid's before as have biological parents.

In general I would try to ignore something like this for the sake of the kids and I would assume they wouldn’t bring topics like up in conversation. But if it was specifically about people like me/something I am then I think I would struggle to hang out with the person without thinking about what they truly think of people like me

Some people may have a problem with two men adopting but wouldn't have issue with two women doing so, as statistically men are far likelier to be physically/sexually abusive. On that reasoning a FF couple would be the safest option then MF with MM being the riskiest.

I’ve seen the case you’re talking about and it was truly horrendous, still I have to say when I read the comments I was truly shocked. I thought we’d come on further than this, people are still so bigoted. I wouldn’t go mostly because I’d just see her as unintelligent and not someone I’d get along with! Your child will have plenty of play dates hopefully with parents with a few more brain cells.

I would go as the only way to change people views are to break the stereotypes and educate the ignorance. I’m not saying go in all guns blazing and lecturing but allow a relationship to form beyond the fact that you’re a same sex couple.

You have different values, so whilst I wouldn’t discourage a friendship with their DC at school, I certainly wouldn’t be actively encouraging one. I wouldn’t have the play date.

Life it too short for dealing with that shit. Politely decline.

I absolutely feel the pressure to be SUPER DUPER NICE and SUPER DUPER NORMAL when I'm around people I know aren't used to Jewish families. Unfortunately I'm not particularly nice or normal so it can be a challenge lol

Appreciate the support for the OP from you that if she doesn't want to be a representation - it's exhausting and not always a great experience - that's also fine.

I totally get why you would want to bail, but in your shoes I think I would go ahead and be over the top friendly - smother her with kindness and make any awkwardness her problem. More likely than not, she’s ignorant and doesn’t know any same sex couples.

But I’m quite generally quite up for a bit of confrontation meets education, and I appreciate it’s not actually your job to make people not be bigots. So you’d be reasonable either way.

I think it's fair enough to avoid a play date for any reason really, there's no need to justify it in great detail. Many people will hold similar views (or other views that you disagree with) but not be active on SM and keep their views private, so you'd have no idea. But tbh play dates at nursery age are a bit of a waste of time, they do plenty of free play at nursery so I don't see the need for it, and in our case we weren't building up future friendships as all the dcs went off to different schools and quickly got forgotten. We preferred to spend non-nursery time as a family and with extended family as those relationships are more enduring.

That is the most abhorrent and barbaric thing i have ever read. Poor, poor baby. Absolutely awful and tragic.

Yes if someone is making actual posts that you find offensive you'd notice but to scroll through the likes, really?

Personally I wouldn’t want to hang out with people who felt that way and so would probably cancel. Like you say the kids can hang out at nursery you just don’t need to be involved. These sort of opinions are becoming too normalised. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to ostracise people because they are homophobic.

I think you've got 2 choices:
Go in boldly or
Avoid

So sorry you have to deal with this bloody archaic BS.

I'm in a heterosexual marriage of almost 26 years and I wouldn't meet up with a bigot like that.

I wouldn't tell her why, I'd probably be evasive if I could but if pushed, I'm not shy of my views and I wouldn't want my children to be around people like that. If she's putting these views on social media then she'll not be shy of saying them to your face. At the least you can expect a whole load of "immigrants should be sent back on the boats they came" crap

I made a mistake of friending some school mums on social media when my daughter was little and immediately deleted them. I honestly didn't want to know! A little bit different if this is on a page for the entire community though, if you are on that sort of page you can't really avoid it.

I'd go just to see her face as she realises your family set up and feign ignorance of her bigotry.

I suspect a lot of people who think 'gays shouldn't adopt' are doing knee jerk responses and haven't really thought about the needs of children awaiting adoption, how many suitable adoptive parents there are, why sometimes a single person or single sex couple may be specifically preferable etc etc.

You won't change people's minds by avoiding them.

As an aside i had no idea what parents at my dc's school liked on social media.

Just don't go, no need for dramas or explanations. Plenty of other kids at nursery to play with surely?

I’m in a same sex marriage as well OP and in this instance I would cancel. If the woman asks why I would also be honest. Her views do not represent her child’s, so it’s not as if you’re saying your children can’t hang out at school, but you most certainly do not need to. There is a big difference between being disgusted by a particular case and making such sweeping generalisations.

For instance, both those men were men, so would the same online group say men shouldn’t be allowed to adopt? Where are these people when straight men are raping and killing children? Are they saying all men are deviants? Of course not. This is not about child welfare, it’s homophobia, pure and simple.

I am also from an ethnic minority background and I also wouldn’t hang around with someone who was liking posts from Reform about boats etc.

You do not have to spend your leisure time with anyone who makes you uncomfortable. Life’s too short for that.

If she asks why you’re cancelling I would just be factual and probably say something like “based on the posts you’ve been liking on X platform about Y, I assumed you would not like to spend time with a same-sex couple who have a child together.”

Struggling to see why you are giving it so much thought, go if you want to but don’t make your sexuality front and centre of the occasion. You will I am sure have many more facets to your personality other than whom you are attracted to. You can drop the odd reference to your wife into the conversation to test the water and either cut it short or actually discover that it is very rare to find people whose total opinions and stance aligns completly with yours.

I am a happily out lesbian and have children, in my experience you will meet many people whilst your child/ren are growing up, it is highly likely that your child won’t even recall their contemporaries from nursery let alone still be friends with them so with the greatest respect save your energies for the big issues.

As an aside I don’t agree with surrogacy, am a proud TERF and find many gay men very misogynistic, so life is somewhat of a spectrum.

I’d do this.

Life’s too short just text her cancelling

“i think it’s best we cancel seen your post/reply about gay parents I presume you are unaware we are gay parents wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable so best we leave it “

This is a really interesting topic.
I would like to think I’d agree with @Rumors1and be bold enough to call them on it, in a dignified way. In reality, I might be more inclined to think not my circus not my clowns and avoid someone who sounds like a raging homophobe like the plague. It is however a great opportunity to change someone’s whole perspective on the subject once they get to know you, which is very noble, but not sure I personally am that noble.
Also, I suspect there’s a chance that they may really like you and still hold those views afterwards anyway - ‘I’ve got gay friends, but I just don’t believe in X on principle’ type people. Perhaps some of these prejudices just run too deep.

I’d love to hear what you eventually decide to do, and if you do go, an update on how it went please OP?