AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

Life is too short to hang out with dick heads and it isn’t your responsibility to educate people. I’d swerve / give a wide berth cos I wouldn’t want to spend time with them.

I'd come up with some reason to text her before the meet up and casually mention something about your wife. The ball's then in her court. She can come up with a reason not to meet if she feels very strongly about her homophobic beliefs. If she doesn't try to cancel, then maybe there's some room there for educating her...

What exactly is my “bubble”? Can you elaborate?

It's almost always men. Not all men, but almost always men.

I am straight and I wouldnt be taking my kids to playdates with those types of parents.
I wouldn't actively discourage friendship, but I wouldn't be helping it along either.

I fully expect that these people are using the term 'gay' to mean homosexual men. As in only men.

wr have a national crisis when it comes to protecting babies and children from men and women gay or straight.
You just keep hearing about cruelty.

lessons are never learned and the dots are never joined up between the services.

Urgh. That case was horrific, but there's plenty of heterosexual parents that have done horrific things to their children as well, whether biological, step or adopted.

I'll admit on a visceral level I want to hurt anyone who abuses kids, but on a intellectual level I don't, I'd prefer life imprisonment but that rarely happens.

There was a man in New York who found an abandoned baby boy and who, along with his (male) partner, adopted him. That boy is now a teenager and seems fairly well adjusted despite having a bit of a rough start in life. If I was feeling brave I'd post about that as a counteraction.

I socialise with people who have different views to me, but that's my choice. I'll need to teach DS about my views as he gets older, because there's a lot of right wing people in my social circle whereas I'm left wing (although I don't seem like a socialist according to one of my friends.)

Definitely this. Go and be open honest and positive. And if it doesn't go well, don't arrange to meet up again. Or make a choice that not going is in the best interests of your family.

OP - Unfortunately this is part of being a parent. People will judge based on anything from your age to your job, your partner (or lack of one) to how many children you have to how well your child does (and this can go both ways, we are currently getting snidy comments as my oldest is very sucessful both sports and academics). The best bet is generally not to get too involved or hung up on what other parents think or say (unless it directly impacts your child) and focus on whether a friendship is positive for your child or not - is that child kind and respectful towards your child etc.

Do you have a problem with adoption in general or just relating to gay men?

Whilst I appreciate it isn’t your job to educate these people- maybe it’s a learning opportunity for them 🤦‍♀️🫣

would they prefer a child went to a home then where there was a mum and dad but they were cruel and abused and killed the child
It's down to the individual parents not whether they are male or female.
Do they not read the news and see that most baby/ abuse murder cases are between two heterosexuals?

Can't they talk about something nice instead of being judgemental and contraversial. Tell them to lighten up sing a song or tell a joke

I'd probably go and make a point of picking them up on it if the topic happened to come up somehow. Not go out of my way to bring it up, but be ready to make them squirm if I got the chance!

Saying that it's pretty difficult for me (and the presumably majority straight user base here) to understand how you feel and any struggles you've had in your life due to your orientation, etc, and give truly reasoned advice.

Is her comment about same sex parents or men? I dont think anyone is looking that story and thinking lesbians are the issue. Its yet another case of the "system" not protecting children from men. That baby died in a sadistic, perverted manor and it has made people emotional.

The only way you will change minds is by going along and being a completely normal mum.
If they then choose not to accept you, then that is their problem, but excluding yourself and your child is denying yourselves a social occasion and not giving them a chance.

I'd go.

I'd base your decision on whether or not you think your DCs enjoyment of the playdate will be worth any potential awkwardness. Bearing in mind there might not be any. Don't let ignorant people stop you doing things with your DC. There will presumably be other parents in attendance who don't share her views.

I say go for it.

I’d probable feign illness and let the ‘friendship’ drift. I don’t have time to waste on people who actively dislike me or my family - I’ve had similar issues recently with my friends sharing their reform views, despite knowing my husband and kids are the people they protest about.

Well that’s fine then isn’t it. Stay in your bubble. Tribalism has been shown to work very well and we are seeing the results of that play out in society right now. Look how cohesive we all are 👍

I would tackle it head on, and message her saying you have seen her comments, wasn’t sure if she knew you were in a same sex relationship but thought you should inform her if not, so that if it is going to be an issue for her, you can cancel the play date and keep the children’s friendship to nursery hours only.

I think your wife is right, I’d probably be busy too. It’s not your responsibility to educate her…

was it because of case in the paper at the moment about little Preston who was murdered by 2 men who adopted.
Emotions will be running high ATM.

I'd decline the invitation and I'd say why OR I'd ask if she is the same Jane Bloggs if there's any query and if she says yes, I'd simply say that I don't think our views are compatible and it's best that we don't meet on X date.

Life is too short. The more I see of people on social media, the more I despair at the level of critical thinking.

I'm sure they don't have an issue with women looking after / parenting children. Lesbians or not lesbians. They probably have an issue with 2 men adopting a child as there have been news stories about the subsequent sexual and other abuse of said child/ren. The one in court this week in the UK (male headmaster raping his 1yr old adoptive son, to give him internal injuries that helped lead to his death), and there have been others. Just a few examples below.

Obviously these are all men. Women straight or gay rarely abuse a child. So I expect their issue is with men abusing their adoptive children. Much like men abuse their children and other children and women all over the world. That's why 95% of prisoners are male - and a similar percentage of sex abusers are male.

It's disingenuous to say men aren't an issue the data tells us other wise. Pretty sure they wouldn't have an issue with 2 mums.

https://www.voxnews.al/english/kosovabota/shokuese-ne-britani-ifti-homoual-abuzoi-ualisht-me-foshnjen-1-i114869

https://www.dailymail.com/news/article-11102057/Gay-couple-accused-sexually-abusing-two-adopted-sons-recording-vile-acts.html

https://news.sky.com/story/adopted-boy-sexually-abused-by-gay-fathers-10441302

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9676497/

I’d be suddenly busy honestly. You shouldn’t feel obligated to spend time with these people and I’d be concerned the types of messaging they share with their children. Play at nursery fine but you have ultimate control over the social networks your child makes outside of that setting.