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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for advice on an employment issue

171 replies

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 14:26

I am currently on sick leave, as is described in another thread. The cause of this is work stress. I am fearful that my employer may take retaliatory action if / when I eventually have to return. Would it be reasonable / strategically wise to send a list of grievances (basically a description of what led to this)?

I'm not sure whether there's anything that would matter to an employment tribunal. My issues are:

  • documented historical bullying which seemingly was not addressed at the time.
  • my job title is far, far too low for my skills, abilities, and portfolio of work. I was on the verge of promotion two years ago when suddenly the global policy was changed to exclude the option of promotion. Since then, I have been given work that is two levels above my official pay grade and expected to get on with it without any support. My job title means that people treat me as if I have little value and I don't have authorisation to do things I need to do in order to be effective. I am humiliated every day. I have raised this with management several times.
  • my new portfolio of work was previously owned by my bully. It was handed to me without any support or guidance, other than having to ask my bully for help
  • my manager refuses to have 1:1s and I have to arrange ad hoc meetings for anything I want to discuss. When we meet to discuss work projects, this is a clear imposition and I am treated as if I am stupid or annoying. Typically my manager has not read my updates in detail. Occasionally my manager has held specific pieces of the work hostage for a couple of weeks (eventually doing nothing and finally allowing me to take it over again), causing big delays.
  • as a result of the above, I feel constantly insecure about the work and whether i will be blamed if something goes wrong due to my manager's lack of communication and occasionally chaotic approach.
  • recently I took time off to get married. When I tried to get cover in place 3-4 weeks beforehand, I was told in an annoyed way that this was too early. When I finally was told who could cover, there were only a few day s left before my wedding. A very senior person who had to cover some of my work was hostile and angry.

When I faced the prospect of going back, I spent several days in a state of severe depression. I could not face it.

It seems to me that none of this is discrimination or illegal. Is there any point writing this all out and sending it to HR and my manager?

OP posts:
Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 16:44

Lightuptheroom · 21/04/2026 16:37

I'd get rid of the list, it's not something HR are going to be interested in and it's not helping you.

Practically, if they start sickness capability, then you can make sure you've stated what has led up to the problems. Realistically, are you going to be returning if nothing changes? They have no 'reason' to change anything, so what are you going to do?

With regard to your job title and how much stress it's causing you. Have you ever asked for a regrade consideration? I mean, I've been in a public service job for years and had to do this. They didn't progress it so I decided not to stay with that team.

Sometimes you just have to move on and not turn the feelings in on yourself. Company structure is usually such that we often sit and scratch our heads as to why we have the managers we have, but that's the way life is. Time to move on and find something better for your own wellbeing.

Yes, my manager acknowledged that I have the wrong job title but says her hands are tied.

But when I had my appraisal, I was held against the standard of learning new work / someone who got a promotion. (It was a fine grade but not what one would hope given my supposed peer group).

OP posts:
Backawayfromthesausage · 21/04/2026 16:43

Why don’t you just leave, it’s not hard for fee earners to get other jobs.

Backawayfromthesausage · 21/04/2026 16:42

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 16:41

I am 15+ years PQE. I work for a large financial institution. My job title is what they give to NQs but I have been given sole responsibility for all legal matters within my business area in an entire region.

Edited

You are a junior associate wirh 15 years pqe?

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 16:41

Backawayfromthesausage · 21/04/2026 16:37

You’re a lawyer?. What do you mean you have a menial job title. Law is very structured. Because billing is done based on the position of the person who does it.

what is your job title and what exactly are you, are you qualified and how many years pqe are you? Or are you a para legal?

I am 15+ years PQE. I work for a large financial institution. My job title is what they give to NQs but I have been given sole responsibility for all legal matters within my business area in an entire region.

OP posts:
Backawayfromthesausage · 21/04/2026 16:41

Op you are not making much sense.

hiw can you have the wrong job title if you’re a lawyer, it’s in companies interests to give the right title in law as it impacts billing for fee earners . You should have supervision for your work.

again, are you a qualified lawyer, how many years pqe, or are you a paralegal and wish to be employed as a lawyer?

Lightuptheroom · 21/04/2026 16:37

I'd get rid of the list, it's not something HR are going to be interested in and it's not helping you.

Practically, if they start sickness capability, then you can make sure you've stated what has led up to the problems. Realistically, are you going to be returning if nothing changes? They have no 'reason' to change anything, so what are you going to do?

With regard to your job title and how much stress it's causing you. Have you ever asked for a regrade consideration? I mean, I've been in a public service job for years and had to do this. They didn't progress it so I decided not to stay with that team.

Sometimes you just have to move on and not turn the feelings in on yourself. Company structure is usually such that we often sit and scratch our heads as to why we have the managers we have, but that's the way life is. Time to move on and find something better for your own wellbeing.

Backawayfromthesausage · 21/04/2026 16:37

You’re a lawyer?. What do you mean you have a menial job title. Law is very structured. Because billing is done based on the position of the person who does it.

what is your job title and what exactly are you, are you qualified and how many years pqe are you? Or are you a para legal?

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 16:34

Apprentice26 · 21/04/2026 16:32

Save it for the inevitable tribunal. All you’re actually doing is giving them a heads up as to what you’re eventually going to take them to court for.
It’s pretty unavoidable by the time you reach this stage

What? Why would there have to be a tribunal?

OP posts:
Apprentice26 · 21/04/2026 16:32

Save it for the inevitable tribunal. All you’re actually doing is giving them a heads up as to what you’re eventually going to take them to court for.
It’s pretty unavoidable by the time you reach this stage

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 16:31

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack I have gotten a referral for talking therapy and I am hoping that this will help.

In this case, multiple people at work have approached me and said that I have the wrong job title. They have tried to give me advice on how to change this, which I have followed. Some intervening global HR policy and management changes are probably the core reason why none of this has worked, realistically.

But yes, this is affecting me in an especially negative way because of my prior experiences. The job situation is legit unfair to the extent that I know others are outraged on my behalf - but I am also very, very sensitive to the issue and this has caused me extreme anguish as a result.

Here's hoping the referral comes through soon

OP posts:
EmmaStone · 21/04/2026 16:31

Hi OP, I've read your other thread as well, have you now handed your notice in? I presume you get paid sick leave? Have you previosuly reported any of these grievances to HR?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 21/04/2026 16:25

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 16:10

Thank you.

I am spiralling. It all feels so unfair and I feel so utterly worthless. It seems like I am just destined to be a loser. People in my organisation treat people with my job title like they are less than, and I just can't stand it anymore. Maybe it would be less upsetting if I were just being given low level work, but I am expected to perform big while being treated like nothing. This has been my pattern my entire life and I don't know how to change it. I really devoted myself to getting a promotion over the past 4 years, and it's absolutely crushing that I am not valued enough for anyone to bother trying to make this happen.

OP, I mean this kindly and I hope that you will take it in the spirit in which it is intended, but if this has been a pattern throughout your whole life and not only in relation to your current employer, then I would gently suggest that this is a problem which has more to do with you and your low self esteem/perceptions about how others treat you than it does with the external reality.

That is not to say that your feelings are any less real or less painful, but simply to acknowledge that you are the one with the power to change your perspective. I would strongly advise you to forget about your grievances against your employer for now, and focus issues on yourself and unpicking the thought processes that lead you to feel like this. If you can access counselling to help you with this, then all the better. Either way, I think you need to stop looking for external people to blame and look at how you can help yourself to see things differently.

I wish you well.

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 16:10

Sallycinnamum · 21/04/2026 15:52

OP, lots of people gave you some very useful advice on your other thread.

For your sanity, I really think you have to chalk this up to a bad experience and move on.

Many of us have been in similar situations. Yes, it's horrible and terrible for your self esteem but you're really spiralling now. Take some much needed time off to recover, lean on your husband who sounds like a real gem and find another job when you're stronger. Putting in a grievance is just going to prolong the agony.

Thank you.

I am spiralling. It all feels so unfair and I feel so utterly worthless. It seems like I am just destined to be a loser. People in my organisation treat people with my job title like they are less than, and I just can't stand it anymore. Maybe it would be less upsetting if I were just being given low level work, but I am expected to perform big while being treated like nothing. This has been my pattern my entire life and I don't know how to change it. I really devoted myself to getting a promotion over the past 4 years, and it's absolutely crushing that I am not valued enough for anyone to bother trying to make this happen.

OP posts:
Ansjovis · 21/04/2026 16:09

I think you need to come to terms with the fact that the workplace is rarely fair. HR aren't going to be interested in a word of this unless they think that there's a potential legal threat to the business there. HR also know that there are high barriers to the creation of said legal threat, without even considering how difficult it is to prove it at tribunal. Therefore the absolute best you will get here is lip service with zero meaningful improvement to your working conditions.

This absolutely doesn't mean that you haven't been wronged here and I know that this is hard to get your head around. My advice is not to give this list a second thought and put 100% of your energy into securing alternative employment.

Sallycinnamum · 21/04/2026 15:52

OP, lots of people gave you some very useful advice on your other thread.

For your sanity, I really think you have to chalk this up to a bad experience and move on.

Many of us have been in similar situations. Yes, it's horrible and terrible for your self esteem but you're really spiralling now. Take some much needed time off to recover, lean on your husband who sounds like a real gem and find another job when you're stronger. Putting in a grievance is just going to prolong the agony.

Iocanepowder · 21/04/2026 15:46

What action do you consider they will take?

There will likely be discussion of an absence trigger and they should take through the appropriate return to work process and offer support. It is in your return to work meeting that i would recommend the reasons you describe, mostly the bullying, and provide any evidence.

Agree that point 2 in your op is absolutely not appropriate to raise as a grievance or reason for being off sick with stress. Many people are working below their capabilities.

Swiftie1878 · 21/04/2026 15:43

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 15:40

It feels so embarrassing, but the environment has been so hostile and my frustration has been ramping up for some time. I truly haven't been able to face going back in.

I feel like I am just a weak and incompetent loser. Otherwise they would have given me a promotion. I hate myself.

It sounds as though you’re just a bad fit where you are. Ask a fish to climb a tree and he’ll look like a loser too. You need to find the right place and environment for you.

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 15:40

Viviennemary · 21/04/2026 15:26

I don't think I wouldn't submit that list. It just sounds like a list of general moans. Look for another job. Or you could take out a grievance against this bully person but you need facts about incidents and dates.

It feels so embarrassing, but the environment has been so hostile and my frustration has been ramping up for some time. I truly haven't been able to face going back in.

I feel like I am just a weak and incompetent loser. Otherwise they would have given me a promotion. I hate myself.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 21/04/2026 15:26

I don't think I wouldn't submit that list. It just sounds like a list of general moans. Look for another job. Or you could take out a grievance against this bully person but you need facts about incidents and dates.

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 15:25

Seelybe · 21/04/2026 15:23

@Vinividivici from the multiple posts and the language you use, I suspect the other people involved might offer a different perspective.
I think raising a grievance whilst off sick might just make things worse unless you have unequivocal proof of misconduct.
Your personal gripe is about your status and pay which your employer does not want to address for whatever reason.
So your best bet is to keep your head down, do just what's needed to meet your actual job title, minimise interaction with the people you have a problem with (since they don't initiate with you) and apply apply apply elsewhere.

Thank you. I think that it's understood among basically everyone that my job title is totally inappropriate, but that may be irrelevant to the question whether to say anything.

This perspective is helpful.

OP posts:
Seelybe · 21/04/2026 15:23

@Vinividivici from the multiple posts and the language you use, I suspect the other people involved might offer a different perspective.
I think raising a grievance whilst off sick might just make things worse unless you have unequivocal proof of misconduct.
Your personal gripe is about your status and pay which your employer does not want to address for whatever reason.
So your best bet is to keep your head down, do just what's needed to meet your actual job title, minimise interaction with the people you have a problem with (since they don't initiate with you) and apply apply apply elsewhere.

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 15:23

MaturingCheeseball · 21/04/2026 15:19

You are being a bit contradictory, saying your job title is too menial, yet you need support for the work you are being asked to do.

As others have said, it’s time to move on and find a better job. In my (sadly long) experience, you can be the greatest employee in the universe, but if the boss doesn’t like or, worse, value you, you’re f*d.

And yes, I am looking for a job. I probably wouldn't have gone sick unless I felt that I was really at the end of the road here. I would have dragged myself to work and cried every day while stewing in self-loathing, as I have done for several months now.

OP posts:
Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 15:21

MaturingCheeseball · 21/04/2026 15:19

You are being a bit contradictory, saying your job title is too menial, yet you need support for the work you are being asked to do.

As others have said, it’s time to move on and find a better job. In my (sadly long) experience, you can be the greatest employee in the universe, but if the boss doesn’t like or, worse, value you, you’re f*d.

I can do the work, but sometimes there are strategic questions or risks that need to be considered by a senior decision-maker. My manager is annoyed when I raise these kinds of points, even though they are absolutely things that she needs to have flagged.

But also, why do I have the job title of the most junior lawyer when I am managing huge cases basically on my own? Shouldn't they want to supervise me if I am so lowly?

OP posts:
MaturingCheeseball · 21/04/2026 15:19

You are being a bit contradictory, saying your job title is too menial, yet you need support for the work you are being asked to do.

As others have said, it’s time to move on and find a better job. In my (sadly long) experience, you can be the greatest employee in the universe, but if the boss doesn’t like or, worse, value you, you’re f*d.

DuckyDolittle · 21/04/2026 15:18

Ok so if you made a grievance originally but nothibg happened, you could check the proper process and see what should have happened, and then state that i.e. i made a grievance on x, but there was no y meeting or z follow up according to the policy.

My role has moved far beyond the job description, but I have not had the opportunity to address this because I have not been provided mechanisms such as one to ones

The combination of my unresolved grievance and the work load far beyond the job description i waa given has led me to suffer workplace stress, as documented by my GP in this letter.