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Original poster

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

957 replies

shehardlysleeps · 20/04/2026 17:18

I’m in a reflective mood, and it’s got me thinking about something I did a few years ago which is probably the thing I’m most deeply ashamed of.

There was a coworker who really rubbed me up the wrong way. I was very unhappy at the time, and going through an awful time personally. She would make snide comments about me, do things with my family members (who were colleagues too) which really got my back up, I felt like she judged me harshly and was pretty rude. Along with another colleague they made three or four very nasty comments which still stick with me.

Instead of raising a grievance, which I should have done, I took to posting about her on another website (along the lines of Mumsnet), not realising she used it too. She saw the posts and reported me, and I ended up facing a meeting with HR and a senior partner of the firm I was working in. It damaged my reputation within the firm forever and I ended up leaving after not being offered a promotion. I still feel ashamed of it now, nearly half a decade on, and feel like it’s tarred me forever.

Whats the worst thing you’ve ever done?

OP posts:
Differentforgirls · 28/04/2026 11:17

Dkkdd · 28/04/2026 11:13

She broke multiple internal rules and codes of conducts at her organisation..multiple major breachers. Conflict of interests.

Proud of it too.

Dkkdd · 28/04/2026 11:13

She broke multiple internal rules and codes of conducts at her organisation..multiple major breachers. Conflict of interests.

Frieda86 · 28/04/2026 11:10

Tredadt · 22/04/2026 07:39

@x2boys @cheekynamechang3 @ThatCyanCat @Momlife86 @CoffeeCantata @Jellybelly80 @calanaiscailleach @UnctuousUnicorns @mjf981 @365RubyRed @Dragonscaledaisy @ChiliFiend @Allseeingallknowing @Jellybelly80 @Hernameisdeborah
@Differentforgirls @ComfyKnickers @Livpool @Ihateboris @Newyearawaits @ainsleysanob @BluebelllsRosesDaffodills odills @Yeseyeam @thepariscrimefiles @vanillachoc

Wow, I'm shocked at the utter vitriol and wishes and hopes my daughter fails. To clarify a few things. Firstly this is absolutely true and like someone pointed out, nepotism isn't illegal. Someone even mentioned that it's common in the NHS too. I did nothing wrong. Yes, I trained my daughter up and withheld training from other staff. However, my daughter is very bright. She got a first at university. With a little help from me, she picked it all up really quickly and is doing really well in the role. She isn't lazy or a failure.

When she came here after uni as a temp, I didn't create a master plan about this. I didn't even know about the job until a few months after she started. She was really struggling to find a job. As mentioned previously, she's shy and lacks confidence. She struggled to fit in at secondary school and although uni was a lot better, it had it's own issues. She really struggles with her communication skills. The team are lovely and really friendly and always try to include her. In any other places, id worry she'd get picked on. Here, they are nice and she's under my watchful eye so I know she'll be okay. I suspect she might be on the spectrum. She works hard and this job was perfect for her- doing isolated work on her own working with spreadsheets and data without having to communicate much with people.

If you are parents, I'm sure you'd understand. I'm just worried about her and wanted her settled. It so happened that the overall team manager went in long term sick and subsequently retired, so an opportunity arose where I could train my daughter on senior level work. It's almost like all the stars just aligned. I just wanted her settled in a job. She already struggles in so many areas in her life and I didn't want her struggling in work too.

As for writing the JD, yes it went through all the HR processes but in the absence of the team manager, the HoD asked me to draw something up as he obviously doesn't have a clue about the tasks. I wrote it up and he added a couple of things and signed it off to HR as though he had written it. I wasn't involved in the recruitment/ shortlisting or interview.

I hope this sheds some light on things, it's not always so cut and dry when people do terrible things.

Also to add, it wasn't from me to refuse the rest of the team to see the JD. This was a decision made by the HoD.

Edited

I think the thing that really irritated me (and others) was the "lol".
You say your dd struggles with confidence etc, so do thousands of others.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/04/2026 11:06

Don’t judge us all by your own low standards, @Tredadt.

And actually you have not helped your dd - she needed to learn how to make her own way in the world, but all you have done is to make her completely reliant on you, if she wants to get anywhere in life. So now she can only work somewhere where her mum is her boss - that is infantilising her, not helping her.

JJkate · 28/04/2026 10:29

@NewspaperTaxis I'm not clear what happened, did the care home deliberately dehydrate your parent so that they died?

MoonWoman69 · 28/04/2026 10:02

@Tredadt Don't try to justify and excuse your poor behaviour by saying other people would do this. Not everyone has such low morals as you. Which is clearly shown from the comments regarding your post, throughout this thread.

NewspaperTaxis · 28/04/2026 09:34

Thanks @JudgeJ - I did as a last resort contact their Rotten Borough piece about what Surrey had got up to, spoke for over half an hour to the fellow running it, he seemed interested and said he's pass me on to their health correspondent Heather Mills; never heard back. That is in my experience what happens when contacting journalists about this kind of thing - they can run exposes on care homes - I've facilitated a few of them myself, including one in the Daily Mail and the Mirror - but trying to get to the dark characters in the Council behind it all, you can forget it, they can't be even named. But before you get ghosted you will have a happy, promising chat with the journalist in question, getting your hopes up... Local authorities plead poverty but spare no expense taking legal action against newspapers, that is one aspect to it.

All the ghouls who did this to us are still employed in Surrey 10 years on; I don't know if the new reorganisation of the Councils will change that. Probably not. If you know the dark secrets, you will be protected, you are gold dust.

JudgeJ · 28/04/2026 09:16

Lost the quote, that's to Newspaper Taxis!

JudgeJ · 28/04/2026 09:14

Have you tried Private Eye, sounds like their kind of expose, can't do an acute accen!

Differentforgirls · 28/04/2026 09:10

Tredadt · 28/04/2026 06:54

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius @CoffeeCantata @Dkkdd @tnorfotkcab
I withheld training as I wanted the best chance for my daughter to get that role. If I trained everyone else up too, she'd have much more competition and highly likely she wouldn't have been successful. I'm looking after my daughter- I have no obligation to the other members of the team. She is good at the job and it fits her skillset and personality.

As I have said previously, I suspect she is on the spectrum and struggles socially. She tried getting a job after uni but just couldn't get anything and this was too good an opportunity to miss. I know she will be okay here. The other team members are really nice. They will look after her. She is bright and brilliant and as a mother, I'm just giving her a helping hand and secure her future. You would all have done the same.

I wouldn’t have.

NewspaperTaxis · 28/04/2026 09:07

It's worthy of study just why this confession gets so much condemnation compared to some of the others. I think she's confused the thread with those X account Confessionals where anonymous people drop news of their misdeeds and quickly depart.

The tone of many of the posts is one of regret and repentance, and @Tredadt hasn't read the room.

I have to say again, what on earth do you think goes on at local authorities? This seems to me a very minor offence, given that most of the time they all have a job for life no matter what crime they commit, the lack of accountability is one of the perks of the job. All the dark secrets of the British State take place at local level, be it paedophile rings in young care homes (Lambeth and Surrey) or passive euthanasia of the elderly carried out via dehydration, enforced by bullying social workers should relatives twig what's going on; they will find themselves barred (Surrey).

Surrey's adult safeguarding team went to war against me after I exposed one of their failing care homes to the local press, they took it out on us via our mother at another care home in the same constituency. Tried to get us barred from visiting her, timed it deliberately for Xmas to maximise hurt and inconvenience, got the care home (Barchester's Reigate Beaumont) to send us a letter outlining pages of so-called misdemeanours. We just thought the care home had taken leave of its senses but an SAR (Subject Access Request) revealed Surrey's part in it behind the scenes, had us up on Safeguarding concerns. Complete and utter bastards and neither our MP Chris Grayling nor his successor who I voted for, Helen Maguire, were interested enough to do a damn thing about it. Fact is, they can't, they're scared of them.

I tried to take the role of the Council to the press, they simply couldn't run it, they have diplomatic immunity, it's very odd. Last year I sent an account to all Surrey MPs, all Surrey county councillors and scores of borough councillors - nada, just one borough councillor responded sympathetically and Helen Maguire chiding me for going public, in effect, before washing her hands of it.

Compared to that, @Tredadt's crimes seem relatively minor. Westminster controls foreign policy, the country's budget and its direction, but it's local councils and their mates the police who actually run the country on a day-to-day basis and Westminster MPs know that.

Dkkdd · 28/04/2026 08:51

Loomis · 28/04/2026 08:50

Why are people still going on and on about this incredibly tedious confession, it's by far one of the least interesting on the thread.

Show quote history

Because she's bragging and laughing about it.

Loomis · 28/04/2026 08:50

Dkkdd · 28/04/2026 08:34

Definitely broken internal LA rules and rules about hiring. Conflict of interest. Broken rules on objectivity, integrity, and selflessness.

Why are people still going on and on about this incredibly tedious confession, it's by far one of the least interesting on the thread.

Dkkdd · 28/04/2026 08:34

Definitely broken internal LA rules and rules about hiring. Conflict of interest. Broken rules on objectivity, integrity, and selflessness.

Mamadothehump · 28/04/2026 08:15

shehardlysleeps · 20/04/2026 17:30

Maybe I’m a bad person, but I think ‘someone’ did a very good thing

Show quote history

Same!

CoffeeCantata · 28/04/2026 08:02

@Tredadt

You are missing the point. You had power over people's lives and you misused it to the disadvantage of your 'poor' team. That's the very definition of corruption, and personally I had no idea that what you say you did is actually possible these days - I'm really shocked.

Please don't keep telling us that 'we'd have done the same'. That's judging others by your own standards. No, I wouldn't have. I've been in situations where I had the power to help friends and my children and I scrupulously avoided favouring them - it's just not done.

99% of pps here have confessed to something and said how sorry they feel and how their behaviour haunts them, and how they wish they could make amends. Your post stands out for its brazen lack of self-reflection and remorse. You just cannot seem to see what you did wrong. It's not about your daughter - it's about what you denied to other deserving people who trusted you. Not only is there no remorse, your original post actually seemed like a gleeful boast.

I don't like a pile-on, but honestly - read the room.

ThatCyanCat · 28/04/2026 07:45

Is she still trying to justify fucking over skilled, hardworking people - and laughing about it - to elevate her no-talent daughter?

The thread is about terrible things people have done. Would the daughter have been smart enough not to share the story if she thought it was wonderful and wanted admiration for it?

x2boys · 28/04/2026 07:33

Tredadt · 28/04/2026 06:54

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius @CoffeeCantata @Dkkdd @tnorfotkcab
I withheld training as I wanted the best chance for my daughter to get that role. If I trained everyone else up too, she'd have much more competition and highly likely she wouldn't have been successful. I'm looking after my daughter- I have no obligation to the other members of the team. She is good at the job and it fits her skillset and personality.

As I have said previously, I suspect she is on the spectrum and struggles socially. She tried getting a job after uni but just couldn't get anything and this was too good an opportunity to miss. I know she will be okay here. The other team members are really nice. They will look after her. She is bright and brilliant and as a mother, I'm just giving her a helping hand and secure her future. You would all have done the same.

So you were not concerned enough about her being on the spectrum to encourage her to have an assessment?
You are just using it as an excuse to justify your behaviour ?
Ironically if she is on the spectrum she could have had reasdonsble adjustments at work
Which may have helped her secure her job on her own merit.

Dkkdd · 28/04/2026 07:27

If there was a role internally I'd help my DC with interview preparation but wouldn't do something so blatant like that. They'd have to get it on their own merits.

Dkkdd · 28/04/2026 07:19

Tredadt · 28/04/2026 06:54

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius @CoffeeCantata @Dkkdd @tnorfotkcab
I withheld training as I wanted the best chance for my daughter to get that role. If I trained everyone else up too, she'd have much more competition and highly likely she wouldn't have been successful. I'm looking after my daughter- I have no obligation to the other members of the team. She is good at the job and it fits her skillset and personality.

As I have said previously, I suspect she is on the spectrum and struggles socially. She tried getting a job after uni but just couldn't get anything and this was too good an opportunity to miss. I know she will be okay here. The other team members are really nice. They will look after her. She is bright and brilliant and as a mother, I'm just giving her a helping hand and secure her future. You would all have done the same.

No we wouldn't have. Shut up.

tnorfotkcab · 28/04/2026 07:17

Tredadt · 28/04/2026 06:54

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius @CoffeeCantata @Dkkdd @tnorfotkcab
I withheld training as I wanted the best chance for my daughter to get that role. If I trained everyone else up too, she'd have much more competition and highly likely she wouldn't have been successful. I'm looking after my daughter- I have no obligation to the other members of the team. She is good at the job and it fits her skillset and personality.

As I have said previously, I suspect she is on the spectrum and struggles socially. She tried getting a job after uni but just couldn't get anything and this was too good an opportunity to miss. I know she will be okay here. The other team members are really nice. They will look after her. She is bright and brilliant and as a mother, I'm just giving her a helping hand and secure her future. You would all have done the same.

Yes, but if she us as wonderful and as clever and brilliant as you claim, then it wouldn't matter if other were trained alongside, because she's naturally shine....

You were wrong to withhold training from others in order to advance your daughter's career, because you even wrote that she wouldn't have probably been successful otherwise.

I'm not sure why you are still defending your position. You keep saying "you'd do the same". But you wouldn't be happy if your daughter was denied training and watched a colleagues daughter get trained and subsequently given the job that training demanded.... You'd be claiming it was unfair, discrimination, nepotism etc.

ComfyKnickers · 28/04/2026 07:13

Tredadt · 28/04/2026 06:54

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius @CoffeeCantata @Dkkdd @tnorfotkcab
I withheld training as I wanted the best chance for my daughter to get that role. If I trained everyone else up too, she'd have much more competition and highly likely she wouldn't have been successful. I'm looking after my daughter- I have no obligation to the other members of the team. She is good at the job and it fits her skillset and personality.

As I have said previously, I suspect she is on the spectrum and struggles socially. She tried getting a job after uni but just couldn't get anything and this was too good an opportunity to miss. I know she will be okay here. The other team members are really nice. They will look after her. She is bright and brilliant and as a mother, I'm just giving her a helping hand and secure her future. You would all have done the same.

More excuses.

No. You were absolutely wrong, dishonest and unprofessional.

I really hope that someone recognises and reports you.

cheekynamechang3 · 28/04/2026 07:05

Tredadt · 28/04/2026 06:54

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius @CoffeeCantata @Dkkdd @tnorfotkcab
I withheld training as I wanted the best chance for my daughter to get that role. If I trained everyone else up too, she'd have much more competition and highly likely she wouldn't have been successful. I'm looking after my daughter- I have no obligation to the other members of the team. She is good at the job and it fits her skillset and personality.

As I have said previously, I suspect she is on the spectrum and struggles socially. She tried getting a job after uni but just couldn't get anything and this was too good an opportunity to miss. I know she will be okay here. The other team members are really nice. They will look after her. She is bright and brilliant and as a mother, I'm just giving her a helping hand and secure her future. You would all have done the same.

  1. Plenty of people on the spectrum get jobs, I work with a lot of them due to my industry. None of them had mummy help though, it was their own hard graft.
  2. Yes, we all know why you refused to train your colleagues only your daughter. To create an unfair advantage for your daughter. This is absolutely disgusting and you've sabotaged their careers, for which they worked hard, to give your daughter and advantage she didn't earn and didn't deserve.
  3. No we wouldn't do the same. I have a strong sense of fairness and would absolutely not ham string my colleagues in this way to favour my own children.
  4. You need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. You need to feel shame for what you have done. Sadly it seems you have no shame and are doubling down on it.k
Tredadt · 28/04/2026 06:54

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius @CoffeeCantata @Dkkdd @tnorfotkcab
I withheld training as I wanted the best chance for my daughter to get that role. If I trained everyone else up too, she'd have much more competition and highly likely she wouldn't have been successful. I'm looking after my daughter- I have no obligation to the other members of the team. She is good at the job and it fits her skillset and personality.

As I have said previously, I suspect she is on the spectrum and struggles socially. She tried getting a job after uni but just couldn't get anything and this was too good an opportunity to miss. I know she will be okay here. The other team members are really nice. They will look after her. She is bright and brilliant and as a mother, I'm just giving her a helping hand and secure her future. You would all have done the same.

Dkkdd · 27/04/2026 17:33

Tredadt · 22/04/2026 07:39

@x2boys @cheekynamechang3 @ThatCyanCat @Momlife86 @CoffeeCantata @Jellybelly80 @calanaiscailleach @UnctuousUnicorns @mjf981 @365RubyRed @Dragonscaledaisy @ChiliFiend @Allseeingallknowing @Jellybelly80 @Hernameisdeborah
@Differentforgirls @ComfyKnickers @Livpool @Ihateboris @Newyearawaits @ainsleysanob @BluebelllsRosesDaffodills odills @Yeseyeam @thepariscrimefiles @vanillachoc

Wow, I'm shocked at the utter vitriol and wishes and hopes my daughter fails. To clarify a few things. Firstly this is absolutely true and like someone pointed out, nepotism isn't illegal. Someone even mentioned that it's common in the NHS too. I did nothing wrong. Yes, I trained my daughter up and withheld training from other staff. However, my daughter is very bright. She got a first at university. With a little help from me, she picked it all up really quickly and is doing really well in the role. She isn't lazy or a failure.

When she came here after uni as a temp, I didn't create a master plan about this. I didn't even know about the job until a few months after she started. She was really struggling to find a job. As mentioned previously, she's shy and lacks confidence. She struggled to fit in at secondary school and although uni was a lot better, it had it's own issues. She really struggles with her communication skills. The team are lovely and really friendly and always try to include her. In any other places, id worry she'd get picked on. Here, they are nice and she's under my watchful eye so I know she'll be okay. I suspect she might be on the spectrum. She works hard and this job was perfect for her- doing isolated work on her own working with spreadsheets and data without having to communicate much with people.

If you are parents, I'm sure you'd understand. I'm just worried about her and wanted her settled. It so happened that the overall team manager went in long term sick and subsequently retired, so an opportunity arose where I could train my daughter on senior level work. It's almost like all the stars just aligned. I just wanted her settled in a job. She already struggles in so many areas in her life and I didn't want her struggling in work too.

As for writing the JD, yes it went through all the HR processes but in the absence of the team manager, the HoD asked me to draw something up as he obviously doesn't have a clue about the tasks. I wrote it up and he added a couple of things and signed it off to HR as though he had written it. I wasn't involved in the recruitment/ shortlisting or interview.

I hope this sheds some light on things, it's not always so cut and dry when people do terrible things.

Also to add, it wasn't from me to refuse the rest of the team to see the JD. This was a decision made by the HoD.

Edited

You could have helped the others as well and trained up everyone so the whole organisation did better.