To think being a single parent shouldn’t trump everything

Thank you for this, it really expresses how I feel about being a single parent, that thing of having nobody to share the joy and the pride. When my child did all their "firsts" their absent dad was simply not interested, and although my parents were involved and loving grandparents it was not the same. And the many lonely evenings when they have (finally!) gone to bed and there is just you, your exhaustion, all the chores and the silence.

You get still be lonely in a relationship, it’s not a competition. Her parents should be supporting both their children.

I think your sisters situation sounds tough - most senior jobs are demanding and balancing that with single parenting is difficult. I wouldnt assume your sister has it as easy as you think. Though you are clearly unhappy with your situation which is perfectly valid, so look at what changes you can make

Two separate issues. Your life is hard with two small children. You are comparing your life to your sisters. She may wish she had a family unit and didn’t need to work. All you can do is change your situation or make steps to make it easier. But how can you do this without looking at your parents as they are not giving you what you want. Can you book a separate babysitter? It sounds like you need some time off.

While I think you are being blinkered about your sister and you don’t see what you have this thread is such an example of people deciding from the get go to stick the boot in. Of course everyone else has struggles, especially with a young child, and I do remember as a sahm there was a lot of you chose this/ you’re lucky etc etc and when you’re exhausted it’s never ok for people to say ‘well look what someone else has to go through, you have it easy!’

You need to stop focusing on your sister and parents. Decide what changes you want to make in your life and look at how you can get there. If you want time away from your children then look into going back to work/putting your children in nursery or asking your husband to take on more household tasks/take the kids alone occasionally.

Then you have no idea about the loneliness,the worries and the what ifs. That's the real issue with single parenting. Not the cash. Or lack of.

I’ve been in both situations and being at home was definitely easier than having to work.

This isn’t to say that OP doesn’t have her own struggles going on, but what she has is a case of “the grass is greener” and is focusing on her sister, who ultimately has more on her shoulders.

But it is a luxury. One many people would give anything to have. Of a single parent came on here saying she couldn't work cos her child was 14 months old she would be handed her are on a plate. And some.

It's not your parents job to provide the support you are looking for, that role belongs to your husband. They are supporting your sister because she doesn't have another adult in the house to support her.

Op, I wonder if your parents think that your husband could be doing more parenting? It isn't right that you get no time to yourself. Talk to him about how you can both make this happen, which involves him looking after both children at the same time.

I think if I told my parents I was struggling and they kept telling me my sister had it worse, it would annoy me too! Sometimes you just need a bit of peace and support.
You can’t say a single parent with a high income/nanny cleaner etc is the same as a single parent on UC.

I have never been a single parent so I don’t feel like I am in a position to comment and I don’t think you should be either. And it’s not unusual to have 2 kids under 4. Seems to be almost the default to have 2 kids 2 years apart for some reason

It’s trite OP but comparison is thriving your joy away here. Your sister being more hard done by certainly won’t make you less exhausted, and you know your parents response so you’re flogging a dead horse by complaining to them.
What are your dh’s working hours like? Are you getting out of the house by yourself when he gets home?

This

Are they perhaps embarrassed? I would be embarrassed if you were my daughter and you posted the entitled, spoilt bratishness that you have in this thread. Pull yourself together and get a job!

If you had a decent partner wouldn’t he take the kids for Wednesday evening and during the day on Saturdays?

Completely disagree.
This is harsh and insensitive and completely missing the point.
OP has every right to feel exhausted and in need of some love and support from family. I have friends who admit to being in privileged positions when their kids were young (supportive partners /lovely homes /financially comfortable etc) & they still found it hard and in need of support from wider family. That support makes a HUGE difference, irrespective of circumstances.

I’ve also been a solo sahm on mat leave and that’s hard too, but agin would be so much easier if someone else could hold the baby while
i I took a quick morning shower or do the evening tidy up and washing up while I did bath and bedtime

No but you never will if you don't get your arse in gear, stop whining and do something about it. You chose not to work. This is nobody's fault but your own.

I’m a single mum who works part time in a senior role that has a flexible calendar but it’s hugely tiring juggling that and the nursery run, just because I don’t have strict visibility hours I still have a lot of hard work to do , and keeping up in th evenings or weekends is so hard as that’s also the only time I get to do any life admin or exercise or literally wash myself and my home. My life would be so much easier if I had someone else doing some of the metal load at home(I’ve just paid £200 more than I need to on my car insurance as I dropped the ball
on that admin and it auto renewed into an expensive new deal for example, i can’t pop out to the shops if i need soemtbinf after dinner time, even taking the bins out to the flats bin room is a huge task when my toddler is here which is always). Being the only adult at home is so hard.

Divorce your husband and get a job then.

Honestly I used to have your life OP. Now I'm divorced, work full time and only see my kids 50% of the time.

No one knows how painful it is to only see your kids half the time until they've done it.

Just wow…

@Unher10

Stop complaining. Your lot as a SAHM is no more or no less than many SAHMs. If you don't like the way things are, then change them.

Get a job. It doesn't have to be megabucks or high-powered. The point of it would be to get you out of the house, away from childcare duties for a while, and earning some of your 'own' money. . Maybe then your parents would be more willing to help you out since both you and Sis would be 'equal', ie working.

Get your husband to do more. With you working he should share the domestic load proportionately if not 50/50. Both my husband and I worked full time and he pulled his weight. Why shouldn't yours?

If you don't want to do that, then you'll just have to content yourself with your life, as is.

@Unher10

Your parents are completely wrong for bringing up your sister when you are dealing with your own struggles. They shouldn’t be comparing and it’s completely unfair.

However, being a single parent is a different kind of pressure entirely, so I don’t think you should really look at your sister as if she has it easier than you. I don’t think people fully understand what it’s like until they experience single parenthood (not that I wish it on anyone!).

The problem here is that your parents don’t allow space for you to vent about your struggles or ask for support. They are the problem and they are going to cause resentment. I think this needs to be discussed with them. You are allowed to find parenthood difficult too.