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To think being a single parent shouldn’t trump everything

480 replies

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:11

… when it comes to life being hard.

I have 2 kids under 4 and a husband and general family support. Husband works long hours which means I can stay at home and we do not have financial worries but equally I wouldn’t say we are wealthy in the sense that a cleaner etc would be too much of a luxury.

I am really struggling and feel like my parents don’t give a shit. My sister is a single parent to one child age 2 and is back at work, her daughter is in nursery four days a week and my sister works from home whenever she likes while also having a social life with work stuff.

Even though she has a huge income and hefty CMS payments, time to herself when niece’s dad spends time with her AND she has flexibility at work so can shop and go to the gym in peace during her lunch hour…my parents still feel sorry for her and will be at her beck and call if she needs anything, even though she rarely does!!!!

I have said I am not managing and fed up being with one or two children all day every day and they say sister doesn’t complain and she’s a single parent… literally anything I say the answer is she is a single parent and she copes so why can’t I. How are our situations even comparable?!??

I am close to my sister and wouldn’t say this to her as she’s been through a lot and I love her but the perspective that I have it all great in comparison in the eyes of my family just takes the piss. I don’t know what im asking really. Just want to let out my feelings as I feel so down today.

OP posts:
MxCactus · 20/04/2026 14:29

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:24

@McSpoot right so how is that comment supposed to help? I know I could have chosen differently I am saying that my parents seem to think my life is perfect in contrast to my sisters purely on the basis of our marital status

OP you sound unhappy with your situation. If you're struggling having the kids at home all the time with no break (I have two little ones and I know I'd struggle to be home full time!) why not go back to work? You can surely look for work that offers flexibility or WFH, or retrain

Upearlyaseva · 20/04/2026 14:28

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2026 14:28

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:24

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing we used to
do this but it’s become much harder since having a second

Can you drill down into why it’s become so much harder?

Either to take it in turns or to parent together?

I mean obviously two children will be more work than one but you knew that when you had the second.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 20/04/2026 14:28

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Nope. We work (at least did until I became to ill to work, looking at returning now) similar jobs. Mine has more unsociable hours though. But it's little things like them taking her out for dinner because she deserves it because she's a single mum. They took her to Spain for 2 weeks because she "needed a break". I get none of that.

GoldDuster · 20/04/2026 14:28

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:25

@Upearlyaseva yes that’s my point! My life is so much harder at the moment and my parents don’t give a shit

Can you be more specific in which ways you feel your life is harder than hers, so you could focus on how to make improvements, rather than feel pissed off with your family?

You can't compare apples with oranges. You have made your choices, so has she. To think that you should feel that your life is "fair" and be able to compare it with a sibling, seems quite a naive perspective, and really unproductive.

Upearlyaseva · 20/04/2026 14:28

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Onetimeonlyhoildays2026 · 20/04/2026 14:27

Both of you are parents which at times can be difficult. You and your sister have different challenges but it doesn't mean it's any less difficult for her or you. I'm a sahm too so I understand the challenges.

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:27

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@Upearlyaseva used to but much harder with two

OP posts:
Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:26

Comedycook · 20/04/2026 14:24

I agree with the sentiment that single parents don't necessarily have it hard. I know a single mum whose ex does 50/50...she also has a supportive extended family. She has a pretty great life in all honesty and is always on long childfree holidays

@Comedycook thanks. I just needed someone to recognise this. I feel like I am
going mad with how our lives are portrayed by my parents

OP posts:
Upearlyaseva · 20/04/2026 14:26

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/04/2026 14:26

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:25

@Upearlyaseva yes that’s my point! My life is so much harder at the moment and my parents don’t give a shit

Why’s your life harder? Why can’t you go back to work?

Calliopespa · 20/04/2026 14:25

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:19

@Comparelightly sorry yes we did look at it but even with the hours it is expensive

I came to say this OP.

For some the maths just doesn't work.

You get some people OP who will just jump on you with this thread as you are a sahm, which is often seen as some sort of indecent luxury.

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:25

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@Upearlyaseva yes that’s my point! My life is so much harder at the moment and my parents don’t give a shit

OP posts:
Upearlyaseva · 20/04/2026 14:25

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Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:24

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2026 14:23

Can’t your husband give you the equivalent amount of breaks as her ex does?

Whether by parenting with you when you’re together (I find people in couples too easily disregard this huge benefit) or by taking things in turns on weekends?

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing we used to
do this but it’s become much harder since having a second

OP posts:
Upearlyaseva · 20/04/2026 14:24

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Comedycook · 20/04/2026 14:24

I agree with the sentiment that single parents don't necessarily have it hard. I know a single mum whose ex does 50/50...she also has a supportive extended family. She has a pretty great life in all honesty and is always on long childfree holidays

Notanotherusername2626 · 20/04/2026 14:24

Comparison is the thief of joy.

If you want to work then go back to work though.

Have you ever considered she has no choice in working? She might like to be a SAHM like you are but couldn’t afford to do so.

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:24

McSpoot · 20/04/2026 14:22

She worked her way up. So could you have. You choose otherwise. And are continuing to choose otherwise. Being willing to do anything would include putting in the work.

@McSpoot right so how is that comment supposed to help? I know I could have chosen differently I am saying that my parents seem to think my life is perfect in contrast to my sisters purely on the basis of our marital status

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2026 14:23

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:22

@TheCheeseTax she gets every Saturday and every other Wednesday to herself as well
as the time when she is in nursery, in contrast I am parenting non stop. You are basically sounding like my parents with that comment which is entirely the point of my post. Being single shouldn’t trump everything

Can’t your husband give you the equivalent amount of breaks as her ex does?

Whether by parenting with you when you’re together (I find people in couples too easily disregard this huge benefit) or by taking things in turns on weekends?

Upearlyaseva · 20/04/2026 14:23

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/04/2026 14:23

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:22

@TheCheeseTax she gets every Saturday and every other Wednesday to herself as well
as the time when she is in nursery, in contrast I am parenting non stop. You are basically sounding like my parents with that comment which is entirely the point of my post. Being single shouldn’t trump everything

So your husband never gets a day off? He could have the kids?

pinkyredrose · 20/04/2026 14:23

Unher10 · 20/04/2026 14:18

@Upearlyaseva @pinkyredrose exactly! She has worked her way up so in a more senior role and has loads of flexibility. She does often work into the evenings when I call her but I would do anything to have that choice about my days and my time

Jealousy is the thief of joy.

GCAcademic · 20/04/2026 14:23

This has got to be a reverse. No one is this lacking in self-awareness, surely?

Calliopespa · 20/04/2026 14:23

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That's just so snarky.