To think being a single parent shouldn’t trump everything

My husband will look after both whilst I might have a few hours to myself. Why can't yours?

Is it actually that she is a single parent - or is it underlying favoritism?

I ask because that what it was with my sister - same as in childhood really - but there were a long list of reasons - so when she wasn't single any more it still carried on.

Being begruded a family UK hoilday while they had sister child so she could go away with new boyfriend on hoilday childfree did irritate as did being cristised fro training round kids when they had her child so she could.

No because youve sat around being a SAHM for years. You made your choice.

Your sister has worked to get to where is and has to juggle everything the way it works best for her. She made her choices. She has your parents support as she is a single parent.

Your husband should be supporting you. Thats the whole point of being in a marriage. You support each other.

Maybe it's time to make a change in your life, get out there and find a job. You may then get some of the perks you believe your sister has. Change the choices you are making. None of your unhappiness is your sisters fault.

It's a difficult one and everyone's situation is different but I don't think being a single mum on its own trumps anything.

I know single mums who have no support and I know single mums who have all the support they need. I know couples who have no support and I know couples who have all the support they need. Some single mums have more support than some couples, so you can't generalise.

So I have 2 children under 4. A flexible work from home job in a senior role with a very good salary and a husband that works 12+hr shifts as a paramedic. I just wanted to add in that just because we WFH and have flexibility to do pick up etc doesn’t mean we suddenly have an easier life. The work still needs to get done and I’ve not taken a lunch break in 3 years and work a couple of evenings a week to make time up and 4 days a week I do that with 0 help as my husband is out the house before the kids wake up and back after they are in bed (or reverse if nightshift). I absolutely love motherhood and love spending time with my kids but that combination is quite hard to juggle sometimes and I imagine that with being a single mum is really hard because when my husband has he gives us 100%. This is to say I don’t think it’s automatically ‘harder’ as a single mum but it’s definitely different and you need your village more I would assume which your mum and dad are providing her. Tbh I think you are just at a hard point of motherhood and taking it out on your sister. You seem annoyed that she is thriving as a single mum? Did you want her to struggle?

No it isn’t their role to cover his responsibilities but when they seem to assume their daughter is having an easy time it probably feels upsetting.

I wonder if it’s not about comparing and resenting the support your sister receives

She says though that sister actually rarely asks for any help. Sounds like it's not about what sister receives but OP thinks she should get more, in general.

I agree it can be very lonely in a relationship if you don't have emotional support - is that the issue OP?

You have chosen to have two kids and be a SAHM. You can also make the choice to not do that rather than moaning about it

This is true, but it’s not the parents fault if the husband isn’t doing his bit.

Yes, I had the same with my 3 kids.
Husband worked long hours.
I used to find Saturdays so long.
I worked Monday to Friday.
Taking k8ds to hairdresser etc

I think you need stop comparing your situation with your sisters. They aren’t comparable.

You can’t be a SAHM and complain your life is “harder”. No wonder your parents don’t give a shit about your complaining. If you want something to change then make a change.

Would it help to change the focus. I wonder if it’s not about comparing and resenting the support your sister receives, but more about feeling people haven’t listened to you?
You’ve talked about your parents not understanding how you feel, but how about your husband? Does he see how you are struggling? Is this all about this weight of parenting or is there a loss of professional/ adult identity too?
You seem shocked at the suggestion of nurses for a child who is over 1yr old. Why does this challenge you?

Well put your kids in nursery, get yourself a job and work your way up like your sister if you’re prepared to do anything. Most people who work have to put their kids in nursery at between 8-12 months.

I was only a single parent for a short while as my DD is older but you have no idea how hard it is doing everything yourself and juggling that with a demanding job. It's just not comparable to being a bit bored at home with two kids.

Presumably you chose to be a SAHM and have two? Did you sister choose to be a single parent?

There’s often an assumption that married SAHMs have a husband who is spending time with the children and she has some free time. It’s clear from posts on here that it isn’t always the case. It can take time for someone to extract themselves from a situation where they’re being treated as a drudge and sometimes they just dig in and wait for the kids to start school. A single parent completely on their own with no family help and a useless ex has it harder but some single parents do have help and free days. A lot depends upon how involved and sensible the children’s father is.

Sister gets cms

This is very important too I think.

@Unher10 did you make the choice to be a SAHM believing your parents would help you? Is this the issue? You shouldn’t really factor in the idea of help from them unless they’ve expressed said they will help.

Otherwise, your getting exactly what you chose. If you’ve changed your mind, now is as good a time as any to make changes in your life.

But I do also think your issue is with your husband, not sharing childcare outside of work hours, not with your parents.

There’s not really an issue of “trumping” as no one has the right to their parents’ time as an adult. But if they decide they want to help your sister out I can see why - there’s one parent in her household to do it all, and two in yours.

Get a minimum wage one then?

Be careful what you wish for. I don’t think you’d find being a single mother any easier than you find being a stay at home mum with a husband.

will be at her beck and call if she needs anything, even though she rarely does!!!!

So your parents aren't spending a lot of time helping her either? How does her being a single mother 'trump' anything? I could understand if you resented that parents spend all time helping her and therefore have no time for you, but that does not seem to be the case.

This is batshit! Of course being a working single mother is more challenging than being a supported housewife!

Remember that your sister carries the entire financial load for her little family on her shoulders, this is not something you need to worry about.

If I were you I would put the younger child in nursery and get back to work. Perhaps also work towards additional qualifications at the same time. Speak to your husband and tell him that he needs to take both kids for a few hours every weekend so you can have some time to yourself.