AIBU to want him to keep his promise on our child-free day a month together

It’s a difficult one because that’s literally the only day he’s got to do something on his own or with his friends.

I think it’s fair that MOST of those child free are spent doing things as a couple but it’s only fair if he sometimes uses those days doing things on his own/with his friends.

How long have you been together?

It’s very difficult being with someone who has kids when you don’t have kids because of things like this.
I have DC but I do not date men with DC under a certain age as I’m done with that stage of life and I enjoy being able to do things without kids.

If the child is young, this problem isn’t going to go away.

I think you need to ask yourself what it is that you are bringing to the relationship as a whole, and compare that to what he is bringing.
Do you feel you operate as a partnership, or are you the mostly the housekeeper, childminder and bed warmer? It does sound as if he has things all his own way and he is petulant when you challenge this, but only you know the true shape of your relationship. Unfortunately it's not going to help if he only prioritises time with you under duress, not because he actually want to. The question you should be asking is why doesn't he want to in my opinion.

Why don't you arrange something to do on the day off and tell him so that he doesn't book golf the same day?

I'd move on.

His response to you was childish and manipulative. And he clearly is not interested in spending time with you. I'm struggling to see what you get out of the relationship.

1 day a month? You’re not asking for much and he’s being twatty about it.

This man sounds like the complete opposite of a good catch. Throw him back.

Time spent with his child doesn't come into it as that's a given when you get into a relationship with a father.

What's left is that he goes out on his own 3 nights a week and you're asking for one day a month to spend together as a couple and he's getting arsey and defensive?

Not a good place to be and I can see why you're miffed OP. I think it's time you were valued.

Long time ago I had an ex boyfriend who never prioritised me. Any time spent with me was spent with other people too. I really resented it. And moved on.

I think you need to move on too.

If it were a case of, "should my partner by default spend quality time with me every time there's a day he doesn't have his daughter?", it would be too rigid. I could understand the argument that there's other things that might fall on that day.

But the problem here is him undervaluing you in general. If you were spending time as a couple already at different times, fine. But he's treating you as part of the furniture as a free bonus parent and that's not on.

I think you should address the wider relationship problems and not solely focus on the specific idea of the day together.

This is not the relationship for you. Get out and find someone who is in a position to prioritise you (someone without children).

Ditch him and move on. He's happy to have you help play families when his dd is around. It sure is convenient to have a live in babysitter so he can go for a run when he likes. His sulky response about throwing out his clubs tells you all you need to know. You don't matter to him. He won't change. Sorry.

I made a general comment highlighting that this man depends on the op for childcare based on what op said

like I said, his daughter is with his 2/3 nights in the weekdays, and even on those days he usually going out after she’s asleep to do his “work” (training for a marathon)

He couldn't do this is if the op wasn't there.

Sorry OP but I think you know you’re not being unreasonable and he is. Very. Good luck.

Can I ask why he has custody more than 50% of the week?

If he can't make you any kind of priority even for one evening now, it's never going to happen. You're there primarily to pick up the slack for him and facilitate him doing things he enjoys. Tell him this is a deal breaker.

This

Read her original post, she is parenting with him on the days he has his child.

This. He’s with you for the free childcare and other labour you’re probably providing for free. Bounce. V quickly. DO NOT have a child with this man.

He didn’t ask OP. He asked his father.

The ‘fragile’ comment was manipulative and dismissive. Your request wasn’t U.

don’t provide childcare for him. Don’t live with him. Probable that if you do those things he’ll end the relationship because you’re not facilitating his leisure.

I think it’s entirely normal to a parent to ask a grandparent to babysit their child for a day. Can’t see why it bothers you at all.

My thought too. It sounds like he's happy to have OP as a stand in mum to help him out (I'm sure), but doesn't give her much himself. Chuck him back OP. It won't get better.