Wealthy MIL hoarding money

I think it’s ok to only leave my kids £1mill between them when I kick the bucket. I think it’s also ok that I take business class flights to ease my aching bones and enjoy my last few years travelling the world. I think if my kids have got a big problem with their mum enjoying their last few years, then I’ll think of another way to deal with that lingering pesky £1mill they would have been left to deal with - I don’t expect much - but I won’t put up with bad manners or threats - walk away if that’s what suits you.

And if she gives it away then has care fees? Can nobody answer that?

Second hand clothes and no holidays is not going to damage them for life. The responsibility to provide is on the parents who presumably decided to have them even though they apparently can’t afford them.

She knows that if she needs care she will have to pay for it and that everyone resents her for not passing everything to them. I ask again - who would pay for that if she gives money away?

What I find genuinely funny is that people say how people will say mean things about her. She will be dead so why would she care.

Well.... I don't care as much about a woman with multiple millions of pounds, and expensive assets, and an expensive property, who is over privileged, and spoilt, and has inheritances, who gives zero shits about her own flesh and blood and is happy to see them suffer.

But that's just me. I care about under privileged and downtrodden people who are down on their luck, especially when they have selfish, mean spirited family members who won't hand out a penny to them to help their suffering and misery.

You do you though.

@zov it totally depends on what you do with that money. We earn a lot of money but it is non negotiable that a chunk of that is for me to invest for our future. As is the kids school fees and holidays we want to do, as well as jewellery or watches and anything else we chose to do.

We do put a lot of money aside for the kids in ISA’s and pensions but the kids have already been told that if they piss it away they sacrifice any right to anything else as it will just show they have the wrong mentality

It’s her reality as a rich old lady!

I did say I’d get flamed 😁

You don’t care about the MIL. Say she gives the majority of the money to her sons, if she needs care, who pays? The BIL presumably still won’t have a pot to piss on and the OP feels she’s entitled to it

Exaclty. Appalling behaviour from the OP's mother in law IMO.

@poetryandwine

You laugh, but it is 6 or 7 years of fees to a decent care home. It will b 5 or fewer before this MIL’s time. That’s without buying clothes, eating meals out, hair care or any discretionary purchases whatsoever.

Oh come ON!!! Anyone saying half a MILLION pounds is 'not that much money' is properly showing their privilege.

@DrTosh

Absolutely. Median savings for people approaching retirement are nowhere near £500k, so calling it ‘not much’ comes across a bit detached from reality.

Exactly!

@CliantheLang

How dare any woman think she's entitled to enjoy her own money on her own terms. And she has a lover? The fucking nerve of her! I'll bet the bitch even refused to give up working to raise her GCs so her sons and daughters-in-law wouldn't have to! I'm having conniptions just thinking about it...

Despite your totes hilaire little speech there ^ I'm just gobsmacked that a woman with MILLIONS of pounds is happily letting her adult children struggle financially, with all the stress and difficulty that causes, while she lolly-gags about like Lady Muck enjoying all her money. But that's just me. Caring about other people. I can't help myself.

@DimeADozen yes I didn’t make it clear. I was talking about the attitude of the OP but it wouldn’t let me edit it.

The points still stand.

So if she gave her money away to her feckless family, who pays for her future care if she needs it? Because they expect her to pass it on because she didn’t ‘earn’ it but would the family pay for her care? I’m guessing not. Assuming they even have any left, because it’s clearly okay for them to spend money they didn’t earn

How is this a reply to my post? The situation you’re describing isn’t ours at all; we don’t do “minimum wage jobs” (but plenty of people do work extremely hard in very important roles that aren’t recompensed accordingly and there would be anything wrong with with it if we did). It’s not always easy or even possible to “get out of” a job into a better paid one, everyone has different circumstances and factors that affect the work they’re able to take on.

I also don’t think we’re “grabby arseholes” for feeling my husband’s great aunties and uncles who didn’t have children and left everything to their nephew might be disappointed that their hard earned money is being used by his widow to play favourites between his children and is likely to end up being spent on drink, drugs and gambling (the relatives were apparently very religious and they definitely wouldn’t have spent money on those things themselves). We’ve never asked for or expected any “handouts”, my point was about generational wealth, the in-laws didn’t “build themselves up” at all they barely worked as the inheritances meant they didn’t need to and they gave my DH very little growing up (e.g. poor nutrition, lack of dental care) despite being well able to afford those things, because they are/ were very selfish.

Absolutely. Median savings for people approaching retirement are nowhere near £500k, so calling it ‘not much’ comes across a bit detached from reality.

I am thinking of her at this very difficult time. 😢

You laugh, but it is 6 or 7 years of fees to a decent care home. It will b 5 or fewer before this MIL’s time. That’s without buying clothes, eating meals out, hair care or any discretionary purchases whatsoever.

British society is crap at thinking about end of life. Most people have no idea how grim council funded care can be. I suppose people are too terrified to think about it.

And certainly isn’t with a six bedroom, six bathroom mansion to pay council tax on and maintain inside and out. @Justbloodydoit

Yep. That made me LOL too. I am 'older,' and I would LOVE half a mill! It is definitely NOT 'not that much.'

Does that make sense? 😆

Well it wouldn’t be much if she had to fork it over to her grabby family

half a million in cash is not that much when you get older

🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂😂

Could be she doesn’t realise but more likely she doesn’t feel duty bound to prop up her adult children and their (less than economically wise) decisions

I know, right. After all cows are made to be milked.

How dare any woman think she's entitled to enjoy her own money on her own terms. And she has a lover? The fucking nerve of her!

I'll bet the bitch even refused to give up working to raise her GCs so her sons and daughters-in-law wouldn't have to!

I'm having conniptions just thinking about it...

Does your BIL spend much time with her? Do they have a close relationship? Do you and your DH? These things make a difference

It might be she has reasons for not helping your BIL (I say this because of an in-law who had drug issues), whether you agree or not, and maybe she doesn't want to be seen as interfering. In her shoes, I would want to offer my kids something, but I would worry about their partners calling me interfering, or alternatively, we've all heard stories about a spouse divorcing someone and taking all their money, even when the house was purchased by their parents.
Luckliy, I'm not rich, so that's one problem I'm unlikely to have when they grow up!
Or maybe she genuinely doesn't realise how much harder life is for present generations.

Once she’s dead, why would she care about their opinions 🤣

I’m not sure what’s so funny about watching your grandchildren grow up in poverty whilst you keep your wealth for you and your boyfriend.

I’m not sure what’s so funny about making clear to your children and grandchildren that you don’t give one single fuck about their struggles in life.

I’m not sure what’s so funny about your grandchildren wearing second hand clothing and never having experienced a holiday in their life, whilst you fly around the world in first class.

Am I missing the joke?

Anyway, what a legacy to leave behind.