Wealthy MIL hoarding money

The poster I was replying to made it clear they would be distancing themselves due to lack of being given money. So yes, all about the money for that one. I don't need people like that in my life.

There are lots of good reasons to distance yourself from people, including parents, but entitlement to their stuff shouldn't be one of them.

Well she’s clearly not hoarding it is she? She’s spending it having a lovely time and on lots of things she wants.

She’s just not giving it away to her sons.

Lol.

Yeah, that’s right. If your child distances themselves from you, don’t look at yourself. No, no, no. It’s because THEY ARE ONLY AFTER YOUR MONEY.

For fucks sake 😂

I've seen enough of life and that things are often not what they seem, to withhold any judgement of the wealthy woman unless I've heard her side of things. It's amazing how things that seem obvious can look very different when you get the other perspective.

It's not a question of being entitled to anything.

It's a question of, if you were a multi-millionaire and could easily help a struggling loved one in a way that would be significantly helpful for them, and no skin off your nose at all, would you?

One can judge someone's decision not too.

Nothing about being entitled to anything.

It's also possible to be poor and entitled.

Thus proving you're only interested in her money, not her as a person, and confirming she's doing the right thing.

It’s possible to be both wealthy and selfish.

She's selfish and sounds very very tight.

I wouldn't have any respect for someone like this - watching her own family struggle while she flies business class. I can't imagine being like this. I'd distance myself from her tbh.

I agree with principle of this - practically very hard in this economy. Where was this and what type of job are they doing? Did they not even live at home rent free? Where we are in south east a 2 bed standard terrace is £400k +. So even with a 40k deposit plus £5k stamp duty ftb 30 yr mortgage at 5% that's almost £2k a month (needing income of circa 80k) All my millennial friends who had a step up from parents are in much better position now than those with no help, even where their income is lower in a lot of cases. The next cohort the impact is even more pronounced. Well done to your kids! But they are an exception nowadays.

I agree, it seems really puzzling and selfish with regards to the BIL. One wonders what her thought process could be, because it's certainly not a normal way to behave.

Obviously that doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to do as she pleases, and it's noone else's place is to say anything.

I wonder if MIL will leave all her wealth to her partner? If it's a well established relationship, I wouldn't be surprised if she left most of it that way.

I won't judge the MIL since I haven't heard her side or reasoning.

Yes, I couldn't see my sibling struggle either.

Could you help your BIL as you are so concerned about him?

The whole question of whether generational wealth should be passed on is an interesting one- if you were given a leg up yourself then it would seem only human to do the same for the next generation, however millions of people who did well while we still had a vibrant economy did not start with any wealth- and really it seems to me if they built it up themselves it is entirely their choice whether to pass it on.
In my experience the expectation of receiving generational wealth tends to poison rather than enrich lives, so there is a question mark whether it is a good idea.

Having mental health challenges and then deciding to bring kids into the world is a choice - do we know which way around decisions were made here?

Having mental health difficulties and ending up on min wage is not a life choice!!!! Good grief! Have some empathy!

Very well written. Unfortunately, this poster, with her repeated posts on this thread, appears to be projecting something of her own situation and character. It is all coming across and resentful and cruel.

Yanbu.

Mil isnt rich but she has some money. Sil is in debt up to her eyeballs. I honestly dont understand why, at the very least, mil wont lend her money at lower interest rates.

She's not hoarding it; she is just not spending it how you would.
She has a right to do what she wants with her own money.
I guess both you and I would be generous with it, but she has to make her own choices.

Are you suggesting that the MIL should fund her sons now to buy their future loyalty?

It depends what kind of situation they are in.
If they are going crazy and spending money they haven't got and struggling then I wouldn't help.
But if u can see they are really trying and working hard and with my bit of help their life could be abit easier then why not.

Agree it feels like family who threaten to cut you off if you don’t fund their lifestyle might be better cut off. Inheritance might be better transferred to a charity than insincere relatives

I could never see a situation where as an adult I’d be looking to my parents to subsidise my weekly expenses- what does that do to your relationship, your self esteem- it might be acceptable short term but what happens when your child won’t and can’t support themselves and expect you to subsidise them long term - I’d struggle with that.

In the end, you still hear about people in luxury care homes who have no visitors.
I suppose having people you’ve paid to be nice to you might be enough. But then, what if they’re ‘grabby’?