Wealthy MIL hoarding money

Her financial advisor should have an overview off all her assets and investments to aid the executor when the time comes

40% depending on what’s left, how it’s structured and an assumption on who it will be left too.

But the point is the fact the brother is struggling is on him and his life choices.

Such a tricky situation! Sorry you are getting the 'grabby' replies, doesn't seem to me like you are being anything like this. You aren't looking for her to start passing anything to you and your DH specifically, mainly your BIL.

If you are able to mention it in a non inheritance focussed way, are you able to consider trying to have, or probably getting your DH to start, a conversation to ask about who her executors for her will are, POA, that side of things. Its obviously important to have that in place while fit and healthy so may be a gentler way to open the conversation. To then lead somewhere about IHT planning. Most 'tight' people would rather choose who to pass their money and assets on to, rather than let the government take it! Keeping money/gifting etc way out of the conversation initially, just making sure she has the other admin in place and that you know what it is/who to talk to so the probate process smoother.

Maybe once she has started the planning, she might start to think about IHT mitigation.

You also mentioned her funding a lot for a current partner. Do you think he's got an influence on her? Looking to ensure inheritance goes to him? Obviously her choice as long as she is healthy and not being otherwise manipulated.

I've fairly recently had the conversation with my DM, and got her Will and POA in place. She is not wealthy, but has way more than she needs. But the conversations were very much about her future security from a paperwork perspective. There would be IHT payable now, we've not focussed on that yet as she will also likely live to 90's! But she's single so its important for us to be able to help, know her wants etc, so we can make sure that happens on her behalf.

Oh goodness, what a mess! 😬🫣

@hoardingwealth

This has got to be really hard to watch happen, OP, I get it….

I would say this is cause me to feel hurt that she would let her children live in near poverty when she has millions.

I would also like to point out that there is no guarantee she has listed her children as beneficiaries of her Will. For all you know, she could have left the lot to charity.

Can you not ask for a leg up?

This kind of feels like something you should just think in your head but never put out into the universe a complaint like this.
As I'm sure you've been told, it's her money she can do with it as she pleases. Just because you'd dish it out to the kids doesn't mean she has to do exactly the same as you would.

This seems to be a very snotty, stompy gripe. You don't get a say here. I'm stunned you put this out for judgement. If I was her and saw this I'd start sharing out out skipping over the entitled DIL and family completely.
Fancy feeling so entitled to someone else's money that you post this.

It's very natural and galling to watch people indulge themselves when their families don't have enough. Don't feel bad for feeling that. Just nothing you can do about it. World isn't fair or just and lots of people are selfish. That's the world we live in so don't let it sour you. Bless her and move on.

I think if considerable wealth was passed down through family it’s fair to take care of it and to help younger family members and so on, I agree it’s strange and even wrong not to help your children in that situation. Then again I’d give mine my last 50p if they needed it.
If you earned all your wealth off your own bat then ..whatever ..hoard or spend on holidays or whatever you choose to do. Personally as I said if I was comfortable my greatest pleasure would be to help younger family members snd cant fathom why people wouldn’t but that’s just me.

Oh that’s a shame. I hope the relatives were nice at least.

One of my father's friends who was worth millions died without a will not long ago. He had no children and wanted to leave his money to charity. He just never got around to that will. Instead it went to the closest living relatives he'd not had a relationship with and might never have met (the legal lines of succession).

I’m guessing most people with assists of a few million pounds has a will.

Thanks @Zov. Good advice. I already came to the same conclusion and stopped engaging.

If FIL died without a will then the children are entitled to something.

Depending on where she lives. In some areas, the house may be worth well under £1M.

I don’t suggest the woman is poor, or very nice. Odds are that she could be doing something to help as most of us would. But OP hasn’t said enough that we can know.

There's a lot of personal attack in there based on your bizarre conjecture that I'm a misogynist and that i support the DH actions. I can't be bothered to report the post but i suggest you stay away from unjustified ad hominem attacks on others.

I'm was pointing out that here you have another partner thinking the in-laws should hand over their wealth before they die and, I imagine, would be quite happy to even up the handouts so BIL and they are "treated fairly".

The only significant difference here is that OP thinks her DH should make the argument to his parents rather than her.

My parents are the same, my dad is self made millionaire, apart from a small intimate wedding that was rather cheap, they have paid for nothing for me or helped in anyway since I married, I have also been removed from the will for marrying beneath my family status!!! Im I bothered..no, I told them to spend it all.

A 6 bed 6 bath house is likely to cover care costs for some time. If she has a house that size, she has a good pension or good investments. The woman ain’t broke.

@Timble · Yesterday 09:29

I’d feel the same as you OP. As a mother I could never imagine living such a luxurious life meanwhile my children are struggling. My own mum would give me her last £10 if I needed it, I don’t understand parents that wouldn’t help if they had the money to do so!

Same here. I find it really depressing that ANYone can think so little of their own children that they would happily leave them in penury whilst they roll around in their millions of pounds. Utterly disgraceful way to treat your own children. Makes me sick to my stomach to be honest. I don't know ANYone in real life who would do this. Then again, I don't have people like this in my life. I am very choosy about who I have in my life.

Unfathomable isn't it? Ebeneezer Scrooge would be so proud of a few posters on here.

No pockets in a shroud and all that.

I absolutely agree with you. My lovely mum always put us first. I help my children- give with warm hands.

I think this is mad from MIL, why is she not helping her DC and DGC? And what about the boyfriend, any influence there ? Do you think MIL would be behaving differently financially if the BF was not on the scene.

This is the issue with the UK and why our benefits bills is so high - because of this attitude. You aren’t entitled to her money, it’s hers; you just want it. Same with all the people who want the govt to tax like crazy one person or group of people, to then give it out to them as benefits.

The only reason I think that is crazy is that the tax man will have a field day with everything left over £2m. She may have been very clever hiding inside companies and trusts but labour tightened up on all that. Regardless of the fact she can do 1what she likes, she really would be better to give as much away as she can without impacting her quality of life and future needs.

I would rather see my kids benefit while I am alive, rather than wait till I am dead. In an objective sense I would rather they get the money than let HMRC get a second cut of the same pot of my money.