Wealthy MIL hoarding money

I completely understand that she can do what she wants with her money, but if you were able to improve the lives of your children (and their children) materially (and with little impact on yourself), why wouldn’t you?

So she’s also a business woman.

maybe approach her in that capacity?

Are there any ways you could go into her business with her? Undertake tasks she delegates or services she pays for?

Because then you would actually deserve the money and not just be sponging off her.

She would probably see you as more deserving too.

Why is your BIL so broke?

So what happened with life choices? You and dh v comfortably off and bil scraping by?
has bil expected mil to fund him at some point?

I can’t imagine having millions and watching my son struggle for money but.. My grandad was also very wealthy and he didn’t help my mum financially when me and my brother were growing up. As an adult I can see why, my mum was completely irresponsible and it wouldn’t have helped, she’d have just blown it on crap anyway. None of us ended up inheriting a penny in the end, it all went to his new wife who he entrusted to pass it on to his grandchildren once she died, she didn’t, she left the lot to her own daughter.

I know a family whose massive inheritance went to the RNLI and a cats home (nothing wrong with that but ...). One parent died, the other married again and died. Due to a badly-written will and not managing the tax position, the family ended up in a misunderstanding with the surviving step-(grand)parent. They rewrote their own will, died and gave away most of the family assets.

This!

I couldn't see my kids struggling if I had the means to support them.

It doesn’t make sense to me as a parent both morally but also from an Inheritance Tax (IHT) and succession planning. DH and I have two young adult DC and maybe 5-10 yrs left in work. We’ve already started the IHT and business hand over planning with the DC.

I would not leave my DC struggling whilst I lived in comfort. I would expect them to be making a reasonable effort to do something but that something wouldn’t have to be highly paid.

If she is as wealthy as you think I am surprised she isn’t looking at managing the transition of the business to the younger generation. She should also be taking IHT planning advice.

Eh I know a few older people like this including my DM. I leave them to it. You don’t know all the ins and outs of her finances really.

The generational wealthy are that way becuase they work to keep their family wealthy. If you want your family to succeed you have to help the future generations. Otherwise the wealth is lost and you end up, as a family, another working class family struggling to make ends meet.

I dont think its OK to sit on money when your children are struggling, yes its hers, now, but she didn't earn it, she was given it by those above her who believed in helping their families future generations.

I couldn't be comfortable and watching my children struggling. If she was barely comfortable and had enough to sustain herself for 25 years and possibly leave a little behind if she is lucky added doesn't need alot of care thats differnt. You have to think how much would earn in total for the next 25 years. Thats how much she needs to have in savings, it would sound like alot but when you split it over 300 months its possibly not that much.

If she's so wealthy that she could very easily help her children and not notice the effects on herself then its really just greed isnt it. Were not talking a cousin helping everyone even semi relatd. Were talking a mother helping her own children.

There's another thread here today where DH has been lambasted for talking to MIL, telling her she'll be the richest corpse and that she should help the ailing brother. OP was advised to LTB for suggesting they should hand over inheritance early.

A lot of gen X might not be in line to inherit as much as that from their boomer parents but that generation benefited from salary to housing ratios which were unheard of before or since.

So, bloody what?

Make of your own life what it is. Do better with your kids if you can. Boomers are weird. Look at who they are more likely to vote for! Do different yourself.

Sounds like Smaug in Lord of the Rings.

Look on the bright side, Inheritance tax will take a big slice for the benefit of the community.

Yeah then it is "oh but BIL got x money, so why can't we?" or "it's ok when we inherit all that lovely money we can take it out of BILs share"

If MIL is 70 you may not be aware that they can be sprightly one month and then seriously start to decline at any point from around 75-80. My mum was driving at 80, going to various groups, and going abroad on holiday. By 82? gave up driving, gave up all her groups, has difficulty with mobility and is going into cognitive decline. It was shocking how quickly it went.

BIL is an adult who can (and has) make his own decisions and life choices.

Mean old cow!

People can say ‘it’s her money do do as she likes with’ until they’re blue in the face, but unless there’s estrangement, I really can’t understand anyone with plenty of money not wanting to help adult children who are struggling.

Honestly OP do all the what does it have to do with anyone else opinions which I get to some extent, I just feel like what a huge fuck up the values of these people have.

What is the point of money unless to share and enjoy with friends and family? In my family things get shared. I paid my dad’s unexpected tax bill once while they bought me a car another time. No one cares. My best mate subbed me for years when we lost an income unexpectedly but I had done the same for her earlier in life. Another friend won some cash and offered us thousands which I didn’t take because I had no need but it was a no strings offer and just for the joy of sharing good fortune. I am rich in assets and will sell and share before my children get old. Our assets are family assets and will be used for us all. I do expect children to be hard working but life isn’t fair and I don’t doubt that their working lives will be tougher than mine in many ways. I live in a house unaffordable to young couples who do my job and we own this on one income! If I can help with stability or fun I am up for either. The thought of living in luxury while watching my grandchildren live in relative poverty is grim.

In theory she can do what she wants with her own money. In practice I find it disgusting when wealthy parents do this.

Does she see her sons? Are they on good terms? If they are they could ask for help if they need it as an advance on their inheritance. If they aren't on good terms they may not get the money at all.

I’d feel the same as you OP. As a mother I could never imagine living such a luxurious life meanwhile my children are struggling. My own mum would give me her last £10 if I needed it, I don’t understand parents that wouldn’t help if they had the money to do so!

You probably do but they keep these dark dark thoughts to themselves.

Inequality, greed and meanness is so ugly, isn’t it. There are so many people desperately struggling including her own kids and yet she’s throwing money around on business class flights and multiple bedrooms she has no need for. This isn’t about her saving for care homes, it’s rampant consumerism and frankly antisocial in the context of her kids and grandchildren struggling in the current brutal economic climate. it’s just very unappealing, she sounds gross

OP isn't asking for her money. She's doing fine. She's concerned about her brother in law, who is on need of support.