Wealthy MIL hoarding money

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance

This is never a given. Please do not pin all your hopes on it.

She sounds bloody mean and Scrooge like. It sounds like she’s got more than enough to go around but just doesn’t want to give. With an attitude like that, she’s probably going to be very lonely the older she gets.

What would happen if you refused to be a carer for your dad? They sound like pretty awful people. They are mean and uncaring but still think that they are entitled to hands-on support from you when they have never done anything for their children but the bare legal minimum.

Change your Netflix password and let the tight gits pay for their own Netflix account.

As a mother I wouldn't stand by and watch my adult child suffering like that.

What is it with MN being so grabby of other people’s money? However she got it, it is hers and it’s not like you are all going to have to fund any care. If she has any inkling of how you feel then she may want to leave it to charity.

Its such a nasty attitude to have, it’s no wonder shes not sharing the wealth.

I couldn't watch my DC or DGC go without while I sat on a lot of money. Maybe your Mil is worried about deprivation of assets if she might need a care home.

It’s always the ones who had help who end up like your MIL. I couldn’t let my child struggle financially if I had money, I just could not be like that.

@BrickBiscuit I'm not an AI fan but cant be bothered to search out the surveys

• So from AI Average Early Inheritance: Studies indicate a wide range in average transferred assets, often cited around £32,920 per child in some surveys, with another 2025 estimate averaging £18,212 for dependents.
• Median Inheritance Amount: Data indicates the median amount inherited directly from a parent is approximately £22,000, while grandparent-to-grandchild gifts have a median of £5,000.
• Regional Variation: Early inheritance transfers show regional differences, with an average value of £23,157 in the South West and £12,495 in Scotland.

Anyone can post anything on mumsnet and threads have been made up since the site began, initially by the owners. Journalists, teenagers, political bots, other country bots - they like to practise their creative writing and/or try to influence people.

Both of these things are true though. I’d definitely give my children money in this situation but I also think OP’s MIL is entitled to make her own choices and not be accused of “hoarding” her own property.

I also think that a lot of people on here have very little idea about the level investment you need to sustain a decent lifestyle in retirement. No idea of the MIl’s exact situation of course but if you want an income of £40k a year the standard advice is that you need £1m invested. I’ve seen many posts over the years on here where in-laws are accused of selfishness for having assets that would sustain a moderate lifestyle. Working age people have one very valuable asset- the ability to earn money and for that income to increase over time. Retirees are in a completely different position- often on a fixed income or else at the mercy of the markets. It’s absolutely standard to have a reasonable financial buffer and it’s grim how often daughters (or even more often, DILs) on here seem to think that’s an outrageous thing to do.

Again I don’t know the MIl’s finances here. But things like having rental properties don’t mean she has more than she needs. It’s an income stream.

I find the tone of OP’s post thoroughly unpleasant tbh, especially her grumbling about the likelihood of her MIL living to an advanced age, when the unselfish thing to do would be hurry up and die so that other people can have her stuff.

She's not hoarding her wealth, she's spending it on a very nice lifestyle for herself.

Yes, that sounds a lot. But has solely gone to my solicitor. All used up. Can't borrow against the house as its in both our names. I have had to turn heating and hot water off. Luckily we also have an electric shower. I pay alot for extracurricular stuff for kids and save a bit for them every month. That will have to stop now too. My car is 15 years old and has done 140000 miles.
BUT
I am not asking her for money. However my parents live in a different country, my father has terminal cancer. I speak to them at least once a day. They want me to visit again soon and I just cant afford it.
But I will be damned if I ask for money. I won't and I haven't.
So please dont judge. As they do have well over 1 million sitting in saving accounts and use less than their pension ( by far) on their monthly outgoings so it wasn't actually a significant amount for them. They get more in interest from their savings than what they gave me.
But that's okay. It's their money and their choice and I get it.
I would do it differently though, hence why I have tried to save money since my children were born.

I hope so. Leaving it all to The Cats Protection would avoid a lot of these unpleasant issues.

I'm so glad I don't have any wealth. I'd hate to think of someone waiting for me to die so they could get their hands on what I have, or valuating my life in financial terms and being annoyed that they can't get it. I know the CoL is hard but is it really coming down to this?

My parents have nothing. Not even life insurance. To be honest, they're not even parents. I don't speak to my mum, my dad was awol for the first 21 years of my life. I have never, and will never receive anything from them. But they don't have it to give, even if they wanted to. However, I have several friends who have really well off parents, they are active in their children's/grandchildrens lives and could really make a hugely beneficial impact by helping their children to buy their first home, or get a better car when theirs needs massive repairs.. But they don't. I find it so strange. To be this well off, and never think to alleviate the stresses of your own children or grandchildren. So weird. I'm thankfully, finally getting to a place where I am able to save towards deposits for my kids first homes, to give them that wee bit of help to get started, if I forego a few holidays over the next couple of years, forego a new car, I can help to set them up for life. I don't know why anybody wouldn't want to do that for their own children.

What does that even mean? The BIL and his wife are apparently both working. He isn't a drug addict who is in and out of prison. Even if he was, a decent parent should wonder what part they played in this.

I think if you and/or your DH are not helping his brother, either practically or by advocating to your MiL, then you are also part of the problem. Of course you have no obligation to your BiL but you know his family is struggling. It would be lovely if MiL volunteered assistance but your DH could ask her to help.

You are also watching BiL struggle while you describe yourselves as ok for money.

Perhaps it depends on whether her son has done his best in life so deserves her support

That's a fair point.
Also, there is no need for @hoardingwealth, her DH or BIL to do any running around after this selfish woman at all.

What an awful, selfish woman she is. No decent person would want to watch their children struggle when they had all this wealth (mostly inherited, from what you say).

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance

She might leave every penny to a hospice or an animal charity.

My parents gave me f all, even though I ran around after them both and had breakdown when my dad died.

Don't count your childrens inheritance chickens...

@SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack My siblings lives in a house with 1950s fittings and we live on the bread line.

are you all working full time?
in an expensive area?

am surprised that 1950s fittings are still safe to use! Do they know that some government grants can help with funding new heating systems?

I think the fact she inherited in the first place is important, and she’s not strictly hoarding all the money, as she’s spending quite a lot on herself.

I mean obviously it’s her money, but she got quite a lot of it by luck - and the luck helped her make more money, but the sounds of it.

And she sounds fabulously wealthy, rather than just well off. As though she wouldn’t even notice the loss of a sum that would be life changing to your BIL.

So I think YANBU

I definitely couldn’t watch my children struggle whilst I sat on massive wealth and had numerous long haul holidays, business class every year. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy one bit of it.

You can’t make her help her sons but it is horrible.

What privileged upbringing? OP has said they went to normal comprehensive school and had to buy their own driving lessons. Even my minimum wage earning parents paid for my driving lessons in comparison.

Is there any relationship between the sons and their mother at all?

Surely she can see BIL lives in a shabby house with nothing to his name? Why don’t they just ask for some of the inheritance now. MIL sounds oblivious to the way her sons are living or maybe they treated her badly before and she thinks they don’t ‘deserve’ any or she can’t trust them with it.

Maybe she will leave it to the cats home and leave them with nothing!

I think it is different if you have built up a fortune from nothing and want to see others do the same vs being given a leg up. As pp have said generational wealth doesn't happen on its own, you have to pass it down in small amounts over a period of time to bring everyone up with you.

The OP MIL is going to take this generational wealth and pay loads of it to HMRC - maybe she has strong views on that being the right thing to do, who knows.