Page 19 | Wealthy MIL hoarding money

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/04/2026 11:32

butternutrisotto · 19/04/2026 11:27

Those old people going on holidays, enjoying what's left of their lives are so selfish, they should live frugally and give every spare penny to their needy offspring - we should have a new law about this - it's an outrage, people post about well off parents not sharing out their cash with needy relatives every week on here - something should be done - take the houses away from them put them in a small studio, give them a modest sum to live out their days on - they don't need luxuries - they are nearly dead anyway,😉

I know right 🤣

Of course if they inherit loads from the MIL, then that means they have to live frugally as well as it’s not like they earned it 🤣

Actually there’s an interesting one. If people begrudge people inheriting and think they should give it all to the children, then what happens when they themselves inherit?

And what happens at the end of the line when someone has inherited but has no children? Are they allowed to do what they want?

BunnyLake · 19/04/2026 11:31

NetZeroZealot · 19/04/2026 11:12

That’s a big leap to make to starving them of affection!

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Not very affectionate isn’t the same as starving of affection. Thing is, if you’re mean with money you’re often mean in spirit.

butternutrisotto · 19/04/2026 11:31

notacooldad · 19/04/2026 11:24

Mum and dad lent us £100 so we could buy food for the kids but wanted it back within the month.They are definitely Not skint. They bought my brother a house the following year so he didn't have to rent.
I missed a word out.
That word changes everything! 😆 🤣

Edited

You weren't buying food just for the kids though were you? I'm not saying that you shouldn't eat - but there's a bit of emotional manipulation going in here - and that would annoy me.

corkscissorschalk · 19/04/2026 11:30

Once society encouraged people to live lives disconnected from family and community there is no social shame in not helping within the family.
This goes for the elder generation towards the younger, and also the younger towards the elder.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/04/2026 11:29

TeethAreImportant · 19/04/2026 11:27

Of course she can. I just think the OP (and many others who actually love their children), wouldn't want to see them struggle unnecessarily, when you had the means to help, or at least offer a few treats and nice days out here and there. It's not like she didn't benefit herself from her own parents as the OP has pointed out.

Show quote history

Again with the transactional. So you only love your children if you give them money when adults?

The older generation really fucked you lot up if that’s how you think.

butternutrisotto · 19/04/2026 11:27

Those old people going on holidays, enjoying what's left of their lives are so selfish, they should live frugally and give every spare penny to their needy offspring - we should have a new law about this - it's an outrage, people post about well off parents not sharing out their cash with needy relatives every week on here - something should be done - take the houses away from them put them in a small studio, give them a modest sum to live out their days on - they don't need luxuries - they are nearly dead anyway,😉

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/04/2026 11:27

FairKoala · 19/04/2026 11:06

I think the point is it was never all her money. Her parents started her off but she didn’t pass the favour on

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No the money belongs to her.

And if it isn’t all her money then it’s certainly not all of her children’s money.

TeethAreImportant · 19/04/2026 11:27

MagpiePi · 19/04/2026 09:07

She can do what she wants with her own money.

Of course she can. I just think the OP (and many others who actually love their children), wouldn't want to see them struggle unnecessarily, when you had the means to help, or at least offer a few treats and nice days out here and there. It's not like she didn't benefit herself from her own parents as the OP has pointed out.

Dragonscaledaisy · 19/04/2026 11:25

She's not hoarding anything. She's choosing not to spend her own money. It's not what I would want to do but ultimately it's her choice and it's none of your business.

notacooldad · 19/04/2026 11:24

Mum and dad lent us £100 so we could buy food for the kids but wanted it back within the month.They are definitely Not skint. They bought my brother a house the following year so he didn't have to rent.
I missed a word out.
That word changes everything! 😆 🤣

Original poster

hoardingwealth · 19/04/2026 11:21

JennyWrenSeven · 19/04/2026 10:59

YANBU.

FIL (only child) inherited extremely well from his parents. He has so much money in different accounts, that he’s now trying to sort due to MIL’s MH (she has been sectioned multiple times and we now think there’s possibly more going on). They live together but the relationship has completely broken down and we’re constantly receiving phone calls from one or the other.

MIL has been extremely outspoken (to those that will listen) about her Will (which has been changed at least 6 times in as many years) and now she’s stating that all of her money will be going to a member of staff who ‘treated her like a Princess’ where she was last sectioned, hence FIL wanting to sort his financial affairs out.

Tbh, it’s a mess. We tried to help by setting up an appointment with a financial advisor, but the advice has fallen on deaf ears. FIL could ‘gift’ family members so much per year, he could even ‘gift’ us £5K for our wedding from 6 years ago, but he doesn’t seem to want to give any of his wealth away, which is his right, but he’s constantly going on about it, about how much he has and that he hasn’t changed his Will since ‘94 and he needs to do something about it. Will’s cost money to set up, he doesn’t want to part with his money to do this.

Financial advisor gave some useful advice, and needed further information from FIL, but he’s not bothering. MIL has given the deeds to their property to someone and won’t tell FIL to who. FIL won’t fork out the money to buy copies of the deeds.

If anything were to happen to FIL (god forbid) then MIL will have everything and the inheritance FIL wishes for his two sons, will go to someone else. That’s why FIL wants to do something beforehand, but doesn’t want to let go of his finances on the other.

It’s a mess and one which, if not sorted soon, will be a complete nightmare to sort if things aren’t legally put in the place.

In your case OP, I’d feel the same as you. I’ve helped my DS no end and couldn’t see him struggle, even though I’m not extremely wealthy. Even though our situation is different, FIL is the same with the hoarding of his wealth, that’s his choice too but it’s almost like he wants to brag about how much he has, and talks about what he could do with it. It’s certainly not made him happy, which is quite sad really.

OMG, this must be so difficult. Gemini suggests......

Immediate Steps to Take

If you are seeing this happen, it is usually considered a safeguarding emergency.

Contact a Solicitor: You need a legal professional to assess whether the person had the capacity to sign those documents.
Alert the Bank/Land Registry: If the transfer is in progress, you may be able to put a stay on it if you can prove lack of capacity or undue influence.
Power of Attorney (LPA): If they still have some "lucid" moments, they should urgently set up a Lasting Power of Attorney for Property and Financial Affairs. This allows a trusted person to step in and stop these kinds of transactions.
Social Services: You can report a "Safeguarding Concern" to the local council. They have a duty to investigate if a vulnerable adult is being financially exploited or making decisions that put them at risk of harm.

OP posts:

mjhx · 19/04/2026 11:20

hoardingwealth · 19/04/2026 09:03

MIL is worth a few Million. Lives in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. Has multiple cars. Takes several long haul holidays every year, always business class. Lots of investments. Lots and lots of properties that she rents out. She's in very good health and in her mid 70's. Most women in the family live until 95. I'd say she's on track to do the same.

Now here's the rub. She was given a property and a business by her wealthy parents. She also inherited substantially. But she has effectively pulled up the ladder behind her, and has not given any such help to DH or his brother. We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance, but if she does indeed live until 95, DH and BIL will be in their early 70's by then.

How would you feel about this? I'm struggling to wrap my head around it, tbh. DH and I have adult children, and we have helped them financially to get on the housing ladder, to get married etc, even though we don't have anything near this kind of wealth.

AIBU to think that MIL should have done the same as her parents did for her, and given DH and BIL a leg up, just like she had?

Has anyone else experienced this?

So sad tbh.
Can't force her to give money or help but you would just assume a mother would do what she can to help her children. So sad.
Haa the BIL ask for help? Very hard to swallow your pride and ask for help but maybe she's just so in to herself she's not noticing.

It really sucks living wage slip to wage slip. I did the same for years until I met my husband with my two small children. He now would never see our kids (he calls them his🥰) go without anything and the same as me. Even bought property so the children have something when they are older. Shocks me to think people don't help when they are in a position to. Especially a mother!

butternutrisotto · 19/04/2026 11:20

Must be hard having to wait for all that money😂 - at least your kids will be young enough to benefit from it and that's what all these threads seem to focus on - I'd do anything for my kids why won't my wealthy parents. So relax, your kids will be well taken care of - your dh and his brother won't be needlessly spending the inheritance it'll all go to the grandchildren - you should be happy for them - but it's not what this is - your dh and his brother want that money now.

5128gap · 19/04/2026 11:20

She could keep only what she needs and give the rest to disadvantaged people. Which would include your BiL, but probably not you. Because if we're going to argue for a moral redistribution of wealth it should be each according to their means to each according to their needs. No morality in wealthy people passing down wealth to other wealthy people imo.

Holidayworry1 · 19/04/2026 11:20

@ShoopShoopBaDoop i do find that kind of tight fistned interesting.

The older generation in my family are frugal but they don't want the tax man to get their money

Gemtastic · 19/04/2026 11:19

araiwa · 19/04/2026 09:04

It's so easy spending other people's money

Yeah and MIL was quite happy to when she got lucky.

OP I agree with you. I can’t understand why people can be so mean when they’ve had such advantages. However in my experience some people have big egos so they like to tell themselves that it was all their own talent/hard work and nothing to do with all the advantages they’ve been given. So they don’t feel the need to pass on their good luck.

If your DH and BIL are working hard and not just waiting for handouts then there’s no excuse for her to not help them out and for them to share in some of the benefits of her good fortune.

roses2 · 19/04/2026 11:15

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 19/04/2026 11:11

I'm with the OP here. My mum died a few years ago and left a lot more money than we thought she had. 40% of it (less allowances) went on inheritance tax.

DH and I are well set up for old age financially. Our adult DC are starting out in life and could use extra money now. We are giving them large lump sums so they get to keep it all rather than getting just 60% of it when we die.

That's just being careless with money of your MIL! She could easily have given away £x/year (whatever the annual giving allowance is) in the 10-15 years leading up to her death rather than loose 40% to the tax man. Shame money hoarders don't consider this.

ShoopShoopBaDoop · 19/04/2026 11:13

My dad benefitted greatly from inheritance and has a very comfortable life as a result, he is very tight fisted and it would never occur to give any money to his children (my sister and I) even though we help care for our mum whom is in advanced Alzheimer's.

As a parent myself I find this hard to understand because any time I can help my kids financially I do but that's my dad for you, nothing I can do about it so I don't give it much thought tbh.

If that's the way MIL is then she's unlikely to change so it's something you just need to forget about.

At least she will have lots of money to cover her costs when and if she needs carers in or goes into a care home and you can just leave her to it.

NetZeroZealot · 19/04/2026 11:12

BunnyLake · 19/04/2026 11:03

As a mother myself there is no way I could be like her. I would imagine she wasn’t a very affectionate mum when they were growing up. I’d give my kids my last pennies and am always thinking of ways to be able to help them with deposits in the future even though I don’t have much.

That’s a big leap to make to starving them of affection!

thepariscrimefiles · 19/04/2026 11:11

Owenspannas · 19/04/2026 11:02

We’ve had a vaguely similar situation.

MIL recently received her “inheritance” - her dad has moved into a council funded care home and because his house was signed over to her and her sibling years ago they’ve sold it and banked the cash.

MIL has no assets, rents her home, no savings, etc.

She’s spending her dad’s life savings on luxury holidays. She goes away at least 6 times a year. She won’t have anything to leave her own children when she passes away.

My SIL recently had to borrow £200 off her as she’s a single mum and struggling financially and needed food, gas and electricity. Her mum has insisted she pays it back as she “has a Caribbean cruise booked” and needs the money.

It feels selfish to me.

How much did she inherit? It sounds as though she will spend the lot fairly quickly and will then be back to square one with no assets, no savings and still in a home that she needs to pay rent for.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 19/04/2026 11:11

I'm with the OP here. My mum died a few years ago and left a lot more money than we thought she had. 40% of it (less allowances) went on inheritance tax.

DH and I are well set up for old age financially. Our adult DC are starting out in life and could use extra money now. We are giving them large lump sums so they get to keep it all rather than getting just 60% of it when we die.

Original poster

hoardingwealth · 19/04/2026 11:11

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 19/04/2026 10:49

Yes, it’s her money but I could never sit back and watch my family struggle if I was able to help. It’s an unkind thing of her to do.

But I do wonder how your BIL has ended up living paycheque to paycheque when surely he must have had an excellent education and plenty of opportunities when growing up? Or has MIL never spent any money on her children?

They went to a normal comprehensive. There has been zero private education. Neither went to Uni. Clothes were worn until they fell apart. Everything was very frugal. FIL died. MIL seemed to then have a change of heart about spending money, perhaps realising her own mortality. She now spends oodles on herself and her boyfriend, but this does not extend to children or grandchildren. To a PP who asked if all the money is tied up in property, definitely not, hence the ability to spend on holidays, meals out etc. There is at least half a million in cash, spread over normal bank accounts. And a hefty private pension monthly. Granted, the rest is in bricks and mortar.

OP posts:

NetZeroZealot · 19/04/2026 11:10

What’s stopping BIL & SIL getting better paid jobs?

Snugglemonkey · 19/04/2026 11:10

I appreciate that it is her money, but I just can't imagine being like this. I work to earn money to improve my children's lives. If I had no children, I would work a lot less as I don't need much to be happy. I want to help them any way I can though. So I work for their education, to save for university, to help get them on the housing ladder, I am thinking of kicking off their pensions. I come from a poor background and I want to ensure my children never have to experience that.

Seeing my children happy has more value to me than anything I could possibly own.

FairKoala · 19/04/2026 11:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

so why didn’t mil look after herself? Why did she get help but doesn’t think to pass the same help onto her children.

Why is she so insistent on giving the money to the government instead if her children?