Wealthy MIL hoarding money

Maybe she’s trying to tell you all something…

Nah! I don’t.

You know that ad (I think it’s for a furniture co) where the old lady says she could have bought expensive furniture but she wouldn’t have enough to pay for the hot Carlo? I love that and always think ‘good on her’ 🤣

I personally wouldn’t see my family go without while I had more than enough. But it’s your MIL’s money and it’s up to her how she does or doesn’t spend it. The best thing you can all do is get on with your lives and not give it too much thought as no good can come of it.

The thing is though that unless she starts giving it away to family there we’ll be shed loads of tax .

it might be wiser to plan and minimise that.

And if you are doing okay, why don’t you help your BIL and SIL if they can’t support themselves and their family?

Do you honestly think she’s too stupid to know that you feel like this?

If her children can’t be happy about her living her life then perhaps she failed as a mother.

YNBU - my parents do everything legally to pass wealth to me from their estate NOW and have been doing so every year since late 2000’s. It’s call Estate Planning and ensuring the least amount gets taken in IHT. For every £1 over £1m they leave the government will take 40p. Hence legally passing to me now and watching me enjoy the money.

Assuming MIL is worth more than £1m has inherited her spouses IHT allowance and is leaving her main residence to a direct descendant, anything she leaves over £1m will go mainly in IHT.

MIL needs to shape up now and start legally giving away assets and recording what she gives away and to who. It’s not deprivation of assets if done legally. Someone needs a word with her as she’s heading to a huge IHT bill which you and your family / executors will have to pay.

In the UK, Inheritance Tax (IHT) must be paid by the end of the sixth month after the person died. If payment is not made by this deadline, HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) will charge interest.

Good luck!

You say you and your husband are doing well financially.
If she did help your brother in law in the way you think she should, would it make you feel better or would you and your husband be annoyed that she’s unfairly distributing her wealth?

I think a lot of the elderly worry about deliberate deprivation of assets. It's easier to give money from earned income. Is she aware of this? And as she still has an income from for example the rentals, she could give all of the income from one of the properties to bil.

Loving the support for wealthy, large property owning boomers on here ❤️ I thought everyone hated us older folk. 😂

So If they had given you money while not being emotionally available, you would have a good relationship ? Or if they had not given you money but were emotionally available would you?

Tell me why that’s not transactional

The fact the OP isn’t even her daughter is what would make this particularly galling. She may think OP is a gold digger. Yes they are family by marriage but it’s not her mother so she doesn’t get to say what she should do,

some people are just like that. stop thinking about it/her. thats what i do. my in laws are similar. they have never helped my DH - in fact they’ve always had spending ideas every time he had any large amount of ‘extra money’. take her for what she is - a self centered individual. in laws have told my dh not to expect any inheritance as they will ‘spend it all’. lovely people. i learn that these type of people are not generous with emotional support neither so no point in spending any energy on them

Some people need to be asked.
My FIL is wealthy, my own parents are not. My parents regularly give money to me and my siblings, once or twice a year. They live very simply and their excess pension just accrues, so they pass a bit on, usually at Christmas.
My FIL doesn't do this, it just doesn't occur to him, but twice in the last ten years when DH has dropped money issues into convo, he's offered us a chunk of money for a specific thing, he's paid for the flooring in my current home for example.
Perhaps BIL needs to ask? Could he stay in one of the properties for a peppercorn rent for example?

Exactly that. And/or doesn’t like the DILs because they are grabby.

Whilst inheritance is nice, it’s still every generation’s responsibility to make their own choices and not expect their arses wiped all the time.

It's her money, so it's her decision- I don't know why you are even thinking about- it's not your money so there is no point thinking about how you would allocate it if you were in MIL's position. Don't look forward to any money- if MIL lives to be 95 but goes into care at 92-93, which is common, there will be no money.
You have no way of knowing what MIL thinks of BIL's lifestyle, they may have fallen out over this, and not helping him is quite intentional.
Many parents who do not come from money do not believe in leaving an inheritance as a moral imperative- it's your life you should fund it, end of story.
It also sounds as if much of her wealth may have come from marriage, not her parents-so she may not believe in leaving an inheritance, even if there is money she may leave it to a charity- many people do.

Amusing?!

That’s fine but I hope it’s enough otherwise they will be whining like some of the people on here

I think maybe you have to love and like them to want to do that? It could be she simply doesn’t love or like her kids.

You read it here often enough: parents resent their children and wish they hadn’t had them. Maybe she’s been hoping this whole time that they would leave her alone.

OP, What sort of gifts does MIL give at Christmas/Birthdays? Do you ever go out for family meals etc? Who pays if you do? Is she good to herself or just generally a mean skinflint?

ETA just seen your last post. Cross posted

She probably has her reasons. Maybe she thinks it wasn't good for her having been given so much? Maybe she is worried that it will hurt the ambition of her sons (who are both working minimum wage jobs. Nothing wrong with that, someone has to do those jobs, but have neither of them aspired to help themselves to a better place?). Maybe she doesn't think they will help her in her old age? What kind of relationship do they have?

She's not doing anything wrong deciding what to do with her money. I can't imagine having that much and not helping my children, but I suspect she has some logic behind it she finds reasonable.

I hope your Mil leaves it all to charity rather than grabby family.