Wealthy MIL hoarding money

Doesn't sound like she is hoarding money at all. Sounds like she is spending it. On herself.

Some people just don't have a lot of empathy for others. For me, no I would not like to see a child struggle while I was rich, but some people don't have that empathy, maybe because she has never been there herself.

Her attitude may also be that her children get it all when she dies, so shes going to have fun while she can and then they get the lot to do what they want with.

You probably should be glad that you will get a large inheritance at all. Some people get nothing. In the meantime I would be dropping subtle hints and hope she catches on.

Yes @nearlylovemyusername @hoardingwealth will not be some Oscar winning actress. Her MIL will know exactly what she's after and that's why she's not doing it.

And I say this from experience. My IL's (MIL/SIL especially) have believed over the years that we should always foot the bill. They don't (always) come out with it but it's there in how they act, what they do themselves and how they hope to kind of bounce us. Always walking to the loo when the bill arrives would be a good analogy. All the while, also behaving like utter arseholes on other things ie: when eldest was struggling a bit with SEND, anything she could do a much younger "genius" cousin could do better and it was rammed down our throats. This means they will get not one penny from me. Not one. And actually there is a situation that has arisen where actually a request could be deemed reasonable and actually if they had been less twattish I would have said let's def do this. As it goes. Not. One. Penny.

Using only words as a mean of communication is one of the symptoms of autism. NT people communicate by variety of means, with non verbal communication playing a very significant role.

Who votes is not the issue. 'If voting changed anything they'd abolish it.' Super-wealth has a grip on public opinion and voting patterns, and government behaviour. However the latter means it's largely immaterial who the people vote for. Thatcher's reforms kick-started the wholesale transfer of the nation's wealth upwards, and it has continued since. We are in the midst of a huge acceleration of it now. Grey interests are indeed one bastion of targeted resistance, but that will soon be overcome. Boomer governments tended to attempt a better society. They are long gone.

Hilarious, so everyone who gets older has some unique ability to read body language.

Wrong, it's the grey vote that's dominated politics.

Because she is wealthy due to all her fabulous choices. Another boomer thought process, nothing down to luck (previous inheritance) or the prosperous time they started their working lives from. And besides , why would she rather hand it over to the government, to fund those who don't work and claim benefits. Makes no sense. She is just enjoying the position of superiority and power.

It wasn't the boomers who shafted the next generation. It was Thatcher's kids who broke that mould. Yes, boomers aspired to decent jobs, wages, houses, pensions and healthcare, but for everyone. Not for a few billionaires to suck up the wealth leaving the rest struggling. The 'bad reputation' comes from those billionaires instructing us to blame the boomers.

Over half of those who purchased their first home in the last five years in the UK received financial help from family. A lot of that will come from boomers given they’re able to do that. So many do help their children but it’s a shame that it needs to be done in the first place.

OP believes that MIL doesn't know because they never asked her to help.

What she fails to realise is that only 10% of information in human communication is derived from words, the rest is non verbal. With age people get better and better in reading those non verbal cues. I have little doubts that MIL knows exactly OP's view.

..imagine someone marries your ds/dd, then starts drooling over your possessions, judging your lifestyle,getting pee’d off that you are spending your money, wishing you drop dead asap so they can he hold of your money, all while dissing your character and taking the moral high ground .. nice!
Op,take a look at yourself.
Dehumanised like this, I would leave all to war children and cats.

She might not realise exactly how much Rachel Reeves is going to bank.
Although it might send her off on a wild spending spree that wouldn’t help here….

What is she like as a person? She may not realise how her son is struggling and if you and your dh sat her down and explained the situation, she may be ready and willing to help. On the other hand if she is a selfish, tight-fisted old codger, she may not be persuadable. It’s worth having a try though. Approach the subject gently and ask her if she thinks she could help BIL out.

she may be worried that she won’t have enough money for her own care needs, so you could reassure her. Could BIL and his family come and live in her 6- bedroom mansion with her? Now there’s a thought!

DH is the only person that can raise her finances with her, as it is her money. Is he comfortable doing so, as I would find it hard. Some people are not generous by nature. My own mother has the firm belief that adult children need to stand on their own two feet, and although she is very comfortably off and never worked and inherited herself, she scrimps and saves and she doesn't send her now grown grandchildren l, or great grandchildren a penny on their birthdays and if she hears of their struggles with housing and child care costs, she just says they have to learnt to live within their means. . She regularly talks about giving large sums of money to charities i.e well over £100,000k to ensure no one has any expectations, but has yet to find suitable charities that meets her expectations of not 'wasting' her money. Rightly or wrongly, she lives a fairly lonely existence. I'm glad I'm not like that but then I don't have that much money to spare but I try help out with what I do have, but my mother's money is hers, and I certainly wouldn't tell her how she should spend it..

Im confused about the timing of when she inherited.

So she was given everything & was never poor - but only after DH & BiL reached adulthood, so they grew up with nothing? In which case she presumably had to struggle when her own kids were small. Or did she support herself?

Or did they go to state school but live a relatively comfortable life? I am guessing they had a relatively privileged upbringing but just were sent to state school because there's nothing wrong with state school. Not everyone believes in private education.

Honestly I think this will be that she doesn't think theyve done enough to improve their own situation.

Ime this usually happens where the wealthy parents feel they gave the offspring a good start in life, but feel the kids have made poor choices subsequently that have led to them struggling. E.g they maybe don't like:

• choice of partner
• choice of job
• number of kids theyve had
• where they've chosen to live

And do not want to fund DC to make more and more choices they regard as poor.

If she doesn't give a shit about her kids now, why would she care about inheritance tax affecting them when she's dead?

If she has millions there will be a lot of inheritance tax to pay. Assuming FiL died and made her his heir, then a £3 million estate could pay £800,000 in tax if she has put no plans in place!!
Gifting now while she can and is young enough for the 7 year rule to work and stop the govt copping the lot

Got a pic?

I think she sounds like a right bitch to leave her son and his family struggling in this economy, when she’s inherited a fortune and swans off on business class holidays. I would not care to spend much time with her.

If you don’t all start being nice, she might find a toyboy who brings her some joy and marry him ! 😂

Absolutely!

she could at least has the grandkids for lunch often, buy clothes, send them on holidays

She can do as she pleases.. I hope she leaves it all to the cats lol

It's her money!