To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

WTAF, OP! (the hair message). And @SusieMyersonAndAssociates

I think one effect of reporting it direct to the police is that the FD will then feel 'out of my hands, oh dear the police have not arrested him / cautioned him so nothing to see here, nothing I can do...'. Which then means the only recourse you have is to turn down work associated with this FD, to your own loss.

And unfortunately the police are quite likely to be wet and ineffectual over this sort of thing. Unless anyone has confidence otherwise?

No it doesn't. What matters is that this man assaulted OP. He touched /hit her without her consent. It doesn't make a scrap of difference that he might have thought it was a joke.
What matters is OP didn't want him to hit her and he did.
It's definitely assault and it could also be sexual assault

Yes, I have encountered similar. Also blatant racism and general ignorance. I’m often spoken down to and I can’t abide the gossip and shit stirring culture. It astounds me thy some of these people are let anywhere near people at the most vulnerable time of their life. I also wonder whether because it’s an unregulated industry if that makes a difference. It has made me very wary of using an FD for my close family and will go straight to direct cremation as crematoriums on the whole are a joy to work with directly. Which is a great shame.

I would absolutely mention you’re thinking about taking this further. They need to not use him again. Nothing will change if we don’t “make a fuss”

I think you should report it.
I was assaulted by an older man at work once, after he tried to 'flirt' I assume and I shut it down. Unfortunately I was a student on placement and had little power other than to be removed from his case. I have had a number of run ins with older men who are rude, arrogant, entitled and quick to anger when they don't get their own way with young/er women in various capacities. Just because a man is older does not mean he's not dangerous, nor that he shouldn't face consequences. There are a number of older men who hold very outdated views about women and are limited in their capacity to harm women only by their age and relative frailty. I believe a lot of these men would have been very dangerous when young.
What he did to you was assault. It was appalling in any context, but in the context of a funeral it was additionally traumatising for you, as you had an absolute responsibility to the grieving family to remain professional and do the job despite trying to process having just been assaulted. Well done for doing it, but you shouldn't have had to.

The fact he did this before a funeral adds a whole other layer of sinister! I would be absolutely appalled if someone behaved like this before carrying my loved one at a time of such sadness and solemnity (where is the respect??) And that the person doing the difficult job of leading the ceremony had just been subjected to an assault!! Vile man. Absolutely tell his employer and say you refuse to work with him again.

Well OP, whether or not it was meant as a joke or not is arguable I suppose.

What is not arguable is that he slapped you on the bottom and that's got to some form of physical assault.
So up to you. All the best.
I don't want to make light of this BTW. I'd be pissed off too even if it was meant as a joke.

Can't have this sort of thing when you're working, either.

That's awful. I am not surprised you are upset.

Could you make a formal complaint to the company he works for?

You would be sexually harassed regardless of how you look (which I’m sure is lovely), so don’t change anything. One of my colleagues was shocked at a Christmas party when a male colleague said ‘I was watching your breasts move up and down as you blew that balloon up’ - she’s in her 60s, and certainly doesn’t ’dress for the male gaze’ IYSWIM

Just report it. Do it online. Do it now.

We all have our own opinions, you would like him to swing. I think op is the best person to judge how far the punishment should go.

I notice you are not quoting me when I said I didn't think it was ok and I said it should be dealt with? I think someone is spoiling for a fight 🤔

He has done it before though and there is no guarantee he won't do it again. What makes you think he has suddenly realised it's not acceptable behaviour?

He may do similar to other men.
Look, in my view this guy sounds unhinged.
I can't imagine anybody remotely sane doing this in the circumstances OP describes.
It is bizarre.

You seem to be implying that because you came out of sexual assaults feeling chipper, this is a blue print for how everyone should feel??? This sounds like assault one-upmanship? Your bravado is sickening and as for ‘my husband was furious and I must admit I didn’t stop him from waiting for the optician after work the next day’ - pathetic. You didn’t need a husband to sort this out, you needed to go to the police and report it for the crime it was. why would you want to invite further harm to your husband and escalate a situation? What was needed was for the police to deal with crimes like this. Admittedly, back in the day they were likely to minimise but times have changed/are changing.

It’s a complete aside OP but I I also work with FD and I am sick and tired of having to put some in their place for frankly, terribly discriminatory behaviour. I don’t know what it is, the culture of the industry, the people that take these jobs? But I’m sick to the back teeth of it.

As for going to the police, I don’t know. I’d certainly not be working with them again and making sure a forma complaint is lodged with the FD.

Out of interest, how would you 'feel' that? 🤔

A slap to the face would hurt a damn sight more and is done maliciously so yes as slap to the face by someone intending to cause harm I would treat differently. A slap on the arse is humiliating and unacceptable and I would never defend it. It is something which needs to be dealt with.
All I am saying is, I probably would not want him on the sex offenders register if I felt there was absolutely no chance of it happening again.

@Weeklyreport tbat poster has 'form'. Best ignore the attention seeking.

Technically this is battery rather than assault (ignoring sexual component)
as he did make contact and it was unwanted.
assault is the apprehension of force. Ie soneone about to hit you or throw something at you.

Agree. You don’t get a free pass the first time, he was lucky enough to be let off. And now again. He doesn’t care. He’s a grown man. He hasn’t learned. He sees it as his right to go round touching women inappropriately.

HE HAS DONE IT BEFORE!! If you are not going to even bother to read the OP's posts before commenting on such a serious matter then why bother even posting.

Reprimanding him does fuck all given he's been reprimanded before and still assaulted the OP.

As to what I want? I want him to suffer the legal consequences of his crime. I want his crimes to be recorded so if he ever goes for a job or volunteer position which requires a dbs then the evidence is there that he is not a good person. The dbs system only works if crimes are reported and punished. If we keep on minimising these types of crimes then it just makes it easier for men to go do them elsewhere.

OP - I really think the FD needs to take a lot of responsibility for this. He has repeatedly employed someone known to harass women and behave extremely inappropriately and by continuing to employ him has put you at risk.

It's all v well Ms FD having her individual say to this man but it hasn't stopped him, he hasn't learned any lesson.

As I say I would write a formal complaint to the person who took him on: the FD.

He is part of the problem if he fails to take this seriously. And in this case he is the equivalent of HR. He can very well stop employing this menace.

(I am of retirement age and yes this fucking nonsense was part of my early and mid employment years which is why I wholeheartedly supported the MeToo movement and want to see it stamped out - not be a cringing apologist for 'mens handsy banter')

I've also been a funeral celebrant and this is totally shocking. I'm so sorry he did this to you. I would have reacted as you did and it's admirable you were able to continue with your day.

I think because he is a casual worker that the FD not hiring him again is a good result. But I also think reporting it to the police as a sexual assault would be a good idea. He will be questioned by the police and even if he isn't prosecuted that might be enough for him to stop. It is possible he would be prosecuted because there were witnesses. He would then have a criminal record and probably be fined. I doubt he would be imprisoned.

Obviously you must make the decision that is right for you. I wish you well.

My view OP?

Go to the police. At the very least it is assault and you wouldn't be thinking twice about it if he had slapped your face.

‘How sorry he was’

This wasn’t a momentary lapse of concentration at the wheel, he didn’t bump into her and spill coffee.

He slapped her bottom. To humiliate her and titillate himself. Would you treat a slap to the face similarly?