To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

This. All this talk of her ‘ruining his career’, ffs. HE is the one ruining his career.

I'm not sure this would work. As I've said previously, this used to pass as humour. Still does in some places.
In my experience, if something can be minimised it will be if it means not getting involved.

The idea that the police are going to do anything about this is really naive.

The examples given here where men have been convicted for bottom slapping are meaningless in the absence of further context.
One City lawyer did get convicted for this but there was far more to it than a bottom slap.
Am I saying here he should get away with it? Hell no. At the very least he's upset OP and interrupted her work.
He is at the least a twat.

He is the one ruining his career purely through his behaviour.

The OP is perfectly right to report him as a sex pest.

No idea why so many on this thread still think women should put themselves and their feelings second when some idiot man can't keep his hands to himself. ...

Don't want to lose your job? Then don't harass women. It is that simple.

The cognitive dissonance goes deep.

I witnessed a man, my partner at the time, humiliating a young boy in full view of his family and me by pulling the young boy's shorts down in a public place, then standing and laughing until tears ran down his face. The rest of us just stood there looking and failing to believe what we had just seen. It seemed to go on forever.

At the least get all who witnessed it to
write statements to say what they saw! Then the abusive shit KNOWS he’s in trouble if he attempts to
do anything again!

And this is why the cycle of abusing women continues

It does make for bleak reading. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I can understand the fear of being blanked or boycotted and losing business because of this horrible incident that was absolutely nothing to do with the way that you conduct yourself.

I've been reading the thread with interest because I think it's very difficult to report an unpleasant sexist assault such as this one without severe consequences for the person reporting it. I think that first of all you can't actually believe that they have done such a thing. There's a mismatch between your experience and what was witnessed and what your mind is telling you should happen and is supposed to happen. Perhaps the other people who witnessed it also have this kind of cognitive dissonance where they can't really believe what's happened and also they want to forget all about it.

The breathtaking abuse of power is so shocking. Then there's the worry about it happening to somebody else which is pretty realistic. There is trying to think of ways that you could have prevented it happening (which are non-existent). Then there are the consequences. For the man, there don't seem to be any consequences other than a slight embarrassment at being shouted at.

I like the idea of him being reported to the police and them giving him a talking to, and I am reassured by the fact (thanks @Weeklyreport) that similar assaults have been punished in the courts. But your action will have consequences for you and it's trying to balance whether the consequences for you are going to inflict further damage to you, or whether they are going to make you feel vindicated.

Which way are you leaning at the moment?

I find it incredible that the FD and his wife continue to use this man. They know what he's like and continuing to use him as a bearer is condoning his shitty behaviour towards women.

Op unfortunately you are the only who can decide what to do about this man. Op a legal route won’t be any better for your reputation than the police will it. Do you not think your reputation will keep you in business? It’s a sad situation that you have to let this man get away with this for you to carry on. Or maybe when you pick up jobs you ask if this bearer will be there so you can avoid him tell them why if necessary because it’s their reputation at stake as well I can’t get my head around a bearer joking at a funeral in any capacity tbh.

Won’t the crematorium be owned by a local authority? They do have legal departments and care about upholding standards, regulations, reputation.

When you speak to the crematorium manager it might be worth asking what their policy is on this sort of thing - allowing people subject to complaints of discriminatory and criminal activity to work in their premises.

They might choose to take action on their own behalf. e.g under the Equality Act they have a duty to further (not just uphold) equal opportunity for people with all characteristics specified in the act, including sex. They may not want to put themselves in a position where women feel discriminated against / unable to work safely at their premises.

It does make for bleak reading Op, sorry that this has happened. He deserves to have the book thrown at him, I can empathise completely with your delayed shock reaction to what happened.

Hopefully the FD will stick to his word and not hire this dinosaur again, and I would follow up with them on that, also letting him know why he has no longer been hired.

The most important person here is YOU and ultimately what is best for you in the long run. It has to be seen that you do not tolerate this behavior, however you need to ensure that your reputation is not damaged irreparably in a sexist industry if you intend to stay in it. For that reason I would not contact the police. It's a very difficult decision.

Apology is cheap and meaningless - he intentionally did a horrible thing then said the word sorry - so you have to forgive him, accept his deliberate assault and forfeit all right to complain? No.

He’s not sorry. It wasn’t an accident. He’s done it before and will do it again.

I would write my account of the event while it’s fresh.
Report to police - they may not do anything, or they may speak to him.
Speak to the funeral director, let them know you’ve reported the assault to the police. Follow up with a brief summary email, so they have that in writing.
Speak to the crematorium manager, let them know the same, follow up email.

That way everyone is clear this man has assaulted someone at their premises / in their employment and has been reported to the police. They cannot pretend it didn’t happen, they didn’t know, or pretend they believe a deliberate assault can be magicked away with the word sorry.

After reading all your posts I think uki
sjou Report him to the police as he’s assajlted you and he WILL do it again if not stopped! People will have more respect for you reporting him than ignoring it and frankly I think if we just keep lettingem
get away with this behaviour this
is why they carry on! Also
report the sexual harassment each and every time by other people! They get away with doing it again and again because we don’t!

You did the right thing though. There may be reasons the police couldn’t pursue this occasion short of can’t be arsed but you have made the incident visible.

one thing not mentioned is that there may already be a history with the police about this guy. Unless he has a particular fetish for doing this at funerals, I would bet he has form in other locations and situations. As a student I was sexually harassed (not assaulted) by a college staff member. After putting up with it for a long time, I finally reported to the appropriate college authorities who asked if I would pursue. When I said yes, they broke into enormous smiles and I found out this guy had a track record of harassing young females and the college were relieved someone was prepared to make a statement so they had grounds to dismiss him, which they did though he appealed. Note this was not an assault, this needs the police, it was harassment; leering, inappropriate comments, standing close, witholding services that were part of his job…

I was up all night recently reporting a violent incident outside my house and giving a lengthy statement to police.

He was beating a woman up.

She retaliated - but in the end they didn't prosecute him because 'no physical damage was done'.

Hence my scepticism about the police and how it could leave you worse off - him feeling vindicated and the FD feeling 'nothing for me to deal with'.

The FD KNOWS it is not OK because his own wife was upset and furious when it happened to her.

You forgot to answer the question.

I'm a lover not a fighter... I see you were unable or unwilling to say how 'feeling' they wouldn't do it again might look. Ah well. I won't trouble you further.

I've only been a criminal practitioner for over 30 years what would I know?

Yes. This.

I presumed this would be what was stopping you from just reporting it straightaway.

And I agree, you’re between a rock and a hard place.

It’s so crap this is STILL the situation in 2026.

Obviously you know these people and this environment, and the fact he was allowed to get away with doing it to the FD’s wife shows the extent to which they minimise it, but part of me wonders if they would actually respect you more if you did report him. Maybe they’re all secretly a bit sick of him too, but find it hard to take a stand when the culture of letting it slide is so ingrained, and would actually be grateful to you for taking this as seriously as it deserves.

But clearly I can’t make that call, and I don’t envy you having to do it.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this misogynistic, racist shit on the regular when you’re just trying to do your job, a job you clearly care deeply about and do extremely well.

I doubt the police will do anything

I just saw @IneedAniffler 's update though - it looks like it might rebound: how depressing!

To be honest, the papers would love a story like this, considering the recent negative attention on FD.