To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

And what do you think that the police will do? Have a word? Maybe but there isn't any way this is going to trial.

Sorry, the reality is that if women indulge in Benny Hill-esque banter with men those men then think that they're 'game for a laugh' and a slap on the bum may be OK in keeping with the bawdy humour.

Not saying it's right, just the way it is.

That's why I don't do it any more. No way.

As for your assertion that people in dark situations don't indulge in banter (not sexual), you've got it arse backwards.
My professional role is one most people wouldn't do and my colleagues and I have all developed a dark sense of humour. It alleviates tension.

It's all very well telling her to report this assault (which is a criminal offence, whether it's considered sexual or not) to the police, but be aware that they may well not take any action at all. Yes, I know they could theoretically give the guy a caution, or even pass the case on for prosecution, but the police are pretty sexist themselves, and often don't take things seriously.

I have reportecd 2 such incidents in the past, and only because they happened to me while i was cycling (yes, along a road! with other traffic around!), and the men who did this were passing in vehicles, and I felt strongly about this also being a serious road safety issue.

On the first occasion, the police did nothing at all. Even though I'd given them the registration number of the vehicle involved. The second time, they actually found the guy, and had a chat with him, but despite him admitting to touching me, as I was riding along, and them having video evidence (this incident happenecd on the multi-lane Old Kent Road in London, which is covered by multiple cameras), they took no further action. He was not cautioned. He received no penalty points on his licence.

OP: I'm totally shocked by your experience, and can understand why you were too. Please ignore anyone on here blaming you for not reacting how they think you should have done. I think you handled it brilliantly, especially considering the setting & nature of your work, and it takes time to process something like this/ work out what to do about it.

I can't even imagine what sort of guy thinks that's an appropriate way to behave in any work setting, but especially not to someone who's just about to officiate at a funeral. Was he employed by the crematorium, or someone else? (I'm guessing that he wasn't just an unpaid relative of the deceased, based on what you've said) I'm glad to hear that those particular funeral directors will probably never use him again, and wonder if they'd help you take some further action to stop him getting any work in the industry?

Report him to the police. There are witnesses so it is not like it is just your word against his. I would also inform the person who owns the premises of what happened if they employ that man.

Ignore the advice of contacting him further, leave that to the police.

My guess would be as well that this is not the first time he has done this to a woman...

Oh god that is awful I am so sorry that happened to you. He took advantage of the situation which is a typical MO of predators. Relying on you not being able to respond. Maybe take some time to think about next steps and who to report him to.

Some men do this because they know women won't report it because of they are too nice and worry about upsetting the apple cart. Well fuck that for a start.
If some tosser gets a criminal record as a result or his wife partner dumps him / he loses his job, that is due to HIS behaviour and nothing else.
I was sexually assaulted at work and reported it, the boss laughed it off and said it was banter but I brought the police in.
The bloke got the sack - not my problem, then his gf who worked at same place dumped him, turned out he had been handy with other female staff members. Others came forward for the court case and he went on the sex offenders list.
You can definantly do something about this behaviour.

It's sexual assault and especially shocking in the context of your roles and that you were about to actually officiate at a funeral. I would definitely report to the police. You say he has done it to others so he's a serial offender and he needs to be dealt with.

I do not believe in "banter" as an excuse for this kind of thing anyway but exactly what kind of banter do the excusers on this thread imagine was happening minutes before a funeral service? Even that would be completely inappropriate, let alone physically sexually assaulting someone.

This man needs to lose his job. It's disgusting behaviour.

Absolutely not victim blaming. I am pointing out the dynamic of the secondary trauma of the assault not being acknowledged by witnesses and what that has left op with.

I think taking it further is a complete overreaction. He was wrong, he apologised. Move on.

I am still amazed about this.
If I have got this right you weren't indulging in banter with him.
I used to do this myself but learnt that some guys think that you like this Benny Hill type stuff (no offence to Benny Hill, his reputation was that he was a gentleman in reality but I hope you know what I mean) if you indulge in banter with them so I don't any more.

No giving them the impression I'm game for a laugh. Or cheeky (pardon the pun) humour.

I'm really really surprised that any man who was with a random adult female he did not know woman who was not indulging in banter with him, at such a solemn occasion, would do this.

Serious sexual assault sadly occurs no matter what the current year is and while obviously much more devastating it's not so shocking IYSWIM as what this guy did.

I am not sure I'd go to the police about this. I'm not saying he should go unpunished, though.

I don't think that a slap on the behind necessarily means he's a sexual predator, but in the absence of any banter it does make him unhinged. Or seriously socially uncalibrated.

You need to raise your self respect out of the gutter. It is assault and a police matter.
Saying sorry doesn't change anything no matter who the perp is or the victim.

I think police is an overreaction but a complaint to his employer is warranted.

The only think about legal action is who are you going to take action against and what do you want to gain?

In reality is the offender going to have funds to make a claim worth it?

Police? Then it’s criminal so no cost to you but a lot of hassle and I suspect police will do very little.

It’s 100% disgusting and unacceptable - I’m not trying to say otherwise. Just trying to understand what you’d gain.

Of course it was wrong and you were right to be angry and react strongly but where do you want this to go? You made it clear it was unacceptable and even people who were not even part of it said sorry. If you report it then when it goes to court (which it likely will as sexual assault) and marriages fall apart, children get stuck in the middle and jobs are lost, are you still going to be delivering a professional service, or are people going to avoid you like the plague and avoid going anywhere near you in case they say or do something a bit risqué around you which they potentially end up being arrested for? All that for a slap on the arse? There are people afraid to report far more serious violations because they think they won’t be believed but it sounds like you already made it perfectly clear you won’t tolerate that sort of behaviour. Of course everyone on here will egg you on to report it because it doesn’t effect them and they are all sat at home doing nothing while you have a living to make but think very carefully about what you want from this because it might have future career implications you didn’t expect if you do report it, especially in some male dominated industries.

What outcome do you want realistically?
What do you want to have happen to the man who slapped you?
Do you want a more formal apology?
Do you want him to lose his job?
Do you want him to get a criminal record?
Or do you just need more closure on this because of the situation and circumstances that it put you in?
Are you angry at yourself for not doing more at the time of the incident?
Have a good think about what you really want the outcome to be before taking further action. Was this just a really really, stupid misjudged banter slap? Totally unacceptable and the guy responsible is absolutely mortified he did it and will never do it again or is it the office scumbag who thinks he can get away with misogynistic behaviour and would benefit from a formal slaying to end this vile attitude to women once and for all.

This. It’s sexual assault. This is what the police are there for, you don’t need to see a solicitor or instigate your own legal action. They will do it for you. Sorry to hear of your experience.

I think you should take action for sure. Does he have an employer? They should have a policy on sexual harassment. Explain to them what happened and ask what their policy and risk assessment says and how they purport dealing with this.

As you have been assaulted, you could also contact the police

It’s a shame that this is the first thought of many, but I think it looks worse if she doesn’t take action

But he already has.

This sadly isn’t behaviour that got left in the 1980s, it’s happened to me twice by random strangers just as a woman walking on the street, and both times I’ve found it pretty difficult to process my rage but also the adrenaline that runs through your body as a result of being treated with such disrespect (and attacked, it is an attack). Unless it’s actually happened to you I think it’s probably easy to minimise how awful it feels. If it was someone I worked with and knew the name of, I would definitely want some accountability.

Contemporary interpretation of physical interaction? He hit her. Would it be OK if someone walked up to you at work and punched you in the face?

This. You made your thoughts very clear, he apologised and I doubt he’ll ever do it to anyone ever again. Think it’ a major over reaction to take it to the police and to say you feel violated. I’m from a generation who tend to think the police have better things to do than deal with slaps on the bum when your words will do the job.

I would report to police then since he is a freelance too presumably. How horrific. Whatever the rights and wrongs of carrying on with the funeral, what incredible strength to be able to do it. So sorry this man assaulted you.

The specific context makes it SO much worse! How disrespectful to you and to a room full of people in mourning! Jeez.