To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. This is assault and I would report to the police.

To be fair, reporting to police etc doesn’t undo it either

I think a PP has asked the most pertinent question…. What outcome would OP like? And then work from there

It is good that the funeral directors wife has said they will never use him again.

If you want to take if further then report to the police. IME they will prosecute and he will get a criminal record.

Don't be silly. Why do you think by not going to the police I'm suggesting that he should be allowed to get away with it?

Do you think that police intervention is the only way of dealing with these things?
I don't.

And I'm sorry but I really don't see a slap on the bottom as being in the same category as upskirting and flashing.

The former may be an attempt at very badly judged humour while the latter two examples are undoubtedly sexual violations.

Any reasonable person can see this distinction.

I’d report to the police for assault. I’d not pursue any civil legal claim as there are no damages. But this would appear to be a fairly simple criminal case with 4 witnesses to it. The police may do nothing beyond interviewing him but that would be enough for me.
I’d also tell all the local funeral homes factually what had occurred. Written carefully about what happened so no risk of defamation case winning (as it’s true!) . No need to include your feelings or what they should do about it, just facts. Or tell them when next on their premises as you won’t work there on that occasion if they are using x.

Couldn't agree more

Not sure about that he gets up to worse things in private to be honest.
In fact I think that serious sexual offenders can often behave impeccably in public.
A lot of men like this just view it as humorous. It isn't of course but that's how they see it.
And as I've already said, humour is often used to relieve tension in serious occasions.

Nevertheless it's a violation and OP should take action of sorts.

When you suggest not going to the police then you are suggesting letting him get away with it. This is not thr first time he has sexually assaulted a woman and it won't be the last. People like you and others on this thread who have been minimising this are shameful.

Gisele Pelicot's husband was only caught because he upskirted a woman and the security guard who caught him didnt minimise his behaviour but instead reported him to police. Sarah Everard's rapist and murderer had a history of flashing that wasnt dealt with properly because it was seen as minor. Who knows what else the man in this case has done. That's why all sex crimes, of any degree, should be reported to the police (as much as the victim feels ok to do so).

Absolutely this. Imagine what he gets up to in private if he thinks this is acceptable? And in these circumstances !

Seems to me that you were not undertaking any nudge nudge wink wink banter with this guy, OP.

This guy sounds a bit unhinged.
I'm not sure if it's predatory behaviour as such because he'd have to be stupid to do this to the FD's wife given that the FD is presumably higher up the food chain than him in terms of status.
Unless the FD sees his wife as fair game for other men.

Just unhinged, really. I'd be pissed off, too.

I'm not saying what he did is an any way acceptable just that it may be unhinged rather than intentionally sexually predatory.

When I say that I think that going to the police may not be a good idea I'm not saying that he should get away with this btw. Oh no.

He needs a verbal warning from his employer, due to his abhorrant behaviour which was more than completely inapropriate.

He is a stupid fool, and lacks the intelligence to interact appropriatly around women.

Your reaction was absalutely spot on OP, he knows he overstepped a boundary and the shame is on him and not you.

I suggest you send a complaint to the companies head office as they should class this as an assault and he should be dealt with appropriatly.

Remember, let him carry the burdon of shame for his bad behaviour, it is not your to carry.

I'm not sure what you should do (so tricky as a freelancer. Shouldn't be, but I imagine it is).

More than anything I just wanted to say well done for dealing with this in the moment. It is so, so difficult to think quickly when you can't quite compute that anyone would do such a thing and it has just happened.

Why when anybody talks about something that has upset them, do some people think that’s them saying it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to them? It’s an extraordinarily stupid thing to say.

I work in mental health and often people who have experienced the worst kind of child SA, get affected by things like this. Not saying that this is the OP at all of course, but I’m just trying to make you understand that things are not always as simple as you make out.

OP I don’t know about the legal stuff. But this is a disgusting thing to happen. He is a Neanderthal. These things are designed to demean and humiliate women and deserve zero tolerance.

In my force he would be interviewed for sexual assault and either cautioned if he admitted it or the file sent to CPS for a charge if he didn’t (unless it was caught on CCTV with clear facial images, in which case police could charge).

Why not? Have you ever grabbed a man’s penis and testicles in a moment of playful misjudgement? If not; why not?

There was someone who did this recently and he was found guilty of sexual assault and put on the sex offenders register. I don’t think I could do that to someone I knew if I felt they were genuinely remorseful but I’d be finding the media reporting of the other case and sending it to him as a warning.

Perhaps ask around other females in your profession locally to find out how many others he's sexually assaulted/harassed.

Then report the fucker to the Police

Is this not assault and a police matter?
I would think very seriously about reporting him for assault.

Not that there's ever a right place for this. It would be wrong anywhere but I can't think of a more inappropriate place!

Just seen your update, OP, about him doing this to at least one other woman.
And that he's pretty much retired - so not working that often/ maybe doesn't need the money, so it's more a hobby for him nowadays...

I'm now finding myself wondering if there are other ways he could be punished/ re-educated/ shamed for his behaviour, eg what would his grandchildren think about his actions? Or the people at his church/ bowling society/ art group? Is there a local paper which could run a story about his inappropriate behaviour? Or can you be bothered printing some posters and putting them up around town/ his local shops? It might be quite satisfying...

From someone who lived through the 70s and 80s - completely inappropriate. I almost agree with this post except the part to tell him how you feel. I don’t think anyone who would smack someone like that would take that on board. It would probably make them think along the lines of “effing snowflake it was just banter”.

I would just contact to say closer to “this happened, it was unacceptable, do not ever touch me again”. Legal action should happen but will probably end up being costly and overwhelming.

I still recall a similar violation when I was twenty. I dismissed it at the time because nobody would have taken me seriously and I would have lost my job. Fifty years later I wish I had slapped him in the face. Well done Op for getting an apology at the time.

Sorry this happened to you OP.
I would absolutely inform the crematorium manager that you were assaulted on their premises. I would also contact all the FDs I worked with to inform them I would not work with this individual again under any circumstances. They'll ask why - tell them. Much more effective than reporting to the police.

You need to stop excusing/enabling the behaviour of men who assault women.

It is not about apologising, it is about men understanding that they should not behave in such ways in the first place and that if they do assault women there will be consequences to their actions.

As previously said have a chat with the fd and say that you don't want this man to be a bearer when you officiate again. I don't see who else you can report it to but I know it's a horrible feeling.
We had a chap at work who did it to me in front of our manager and I actually shouted at him that if he ever touched me again I would punch his lights out (I know two wrongs don't make a right) but I was shocked plus it hurt. He apologised and my manager asked if I wanted to report him for sexual harassment and I said no as long as he looked the other way if he did it again and I slapped him.
We did eventually ask a manager to have a word because while me and the older ladies could put him in his place there were a few younger ones who were a bit intimidated by his lechy behaviour. He did calm down but it's not nice.