AIBU to prioritise our children too much over my marriage?

No but it is a bit rich if any man feels neglected because his wife didn't want to continue having sex when a 5 year old is calling out for them and possibly knocking at the door - or even coming in if they didn't lock it. Who on earth would enjoy that? Yeah he is perfectly entitled to not want to continue after the interruption but feeling neglected because of the interruption?? Ridiculous.

Children do not 'toughen up'. Only those with their own issues use that phrase.

I think you was wrong to cancel the night away but YANBU with everything else.

I actually can’t believe you cancelled his birthday celebration because your child lost a hockey game. That is absolutely wild and I’m not surprised he feels neglected. Hopefully he’ll wake up and see you will never put him first even on special rare occasions, leave and still be a hands on brilliant dad with another person who does appreciate him and makes him feel loved.

in 15 years you will have no children at home, and if you continue this way, no husband. What will you fill your time with then? Think on this carefully

Who wants to continue having sex while your young child is awake and calling for you??

You're both on different extremes.

Cancelling a weekend away because a 9 year old lost a hockey match is utterly ridiculous.
Sending a child to boarding school to toughen them up is borderline abuse.

I wonder if you are both overcompensating for what you see as the other parent's failing in either being too harsh/too soft?

That's why bedroom doors need locks!

You are an absolute wetwipe

No guess not, but then she can't blame her DH for not wanting to continue when she returned. Fact is, he's feeling neglected and OP needs to decide if she cares enough to address that.

Kids being flexi boarders means you're meeting halfway. Compromise is the
best thing here.

YABU, for all the examples you've given, he probably has many more he hasn't even mentioned to you.

It's good you're addressing it as once the kods leave, the resentment can be too much to repair.

Who wants to have sex whilst someone shouts Mommy?? Or knowing one of the kids can hear and is too young to understand so is more likely to come in than if they were teens? That doesn't sound relaxing or fun to me

The sex own, did he really wanna risk the kid coming in or have sex to the sound of your kid screaming your name??

His birthday, did you lose the money for the hotel? Wondering if you could have rescheduled instead? I'd be disappointed too.

So on those grounds, I'd say it's swings and roundabouts and I can see why you made the decision you did.

The school and shooting stuff, that's a different issue. Different perspectives, you just have to work on a compromise rather than you having to make the final decision. Would he want to flexing board? If not, it's a no. Otherwise maybe yo u could trial it? Other kid, he's tried shooting, the option is on to try again when he's older but he doesn't have to do a hobby just could dad wants him to

So is she supposed to ignore a child calling for her whilst having sex?! Who could continue under those circumstances? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sorry, but interrupting intimacy with your husband because your child 'called for you'?
Cancelling a night away because your child was a bit upset?
Yes, YABU. Team Husband here.

You should’ve gone away after the hockey match- I agree with him on that one but overall I think Yanbu - how were you to know it was a false alarm when your son called out for you?

Also boarding - no way! So cruel.

I don’t think you should be having sex while children are in the house and awake, but I don’t think you should have cancelled his bday trip. The boarding school and toughen him up thing are weird it’s like he’s very jealous of his own son

Sex yanbu
Hockey yabu
Boarding yanbu
Shooting yanbu

This has got to be made up!

Your examples are all very different.

The sex interrupted one - well I defy anyone to continue happily having sex when there is a 5 year old calling your name and likely to land in on you at any moment. Just what did your dh expect you to do? Have an orgasm while your child knocked on the door? You're a better woman than I am if you could have done that.

The hockey game - I'd have gone away.

The shooting - on what planet is a child's enjoyment of an activity with someone else his mother's fault? Your dh should be called on blaming you for what he perceives as a fault in his child. And then called on thinking it is a fault for his child not to enjoy every activity. Once he was polite to his grandfather and didn't act out or act bored then it is not spoiled to not enjoy shooting (or golf or anything else)

Boarding school - that is a decision for you both to make and has absolutely nothing to do with prioritising a child over a husband. Sending a kid to flexi board to toughen him up is probably up there in top three reasons not to send your child to boarding school.

Sorry, children should always be prioritised. You done what you felt is best, as their mother. Never be ashamed of putting your kids first, there’s plenty that don’t and they’ll be the ones to regret it later down the line.

I’m with you. I don’t think I like your dh.

I’m on your side 100% OP. I’ve always prioritized my kids too. When they were younger, their father did as well, but as they got older I started noticing a shift. He just didn’t care for them in the same way I did. He consistently put his own wants first, and on top of that, he’d get annoyed when I did things for the kids.

It wasn’t even enough for him that I took over all the drop‑offs, pick‑ups, and other stuff, he didn’t want me doing it either, which made no sense to me. At one point I told him it felt like he was jealous of his own kids. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “Yes, I am.”

To be honest, I was already halfway out the door for other reasons, but a father who doesn’t prioritize his kids is a huge turn‑off for me. It told me everything I needed to know.

Obviously the hockey match thing is ridiculous.

The rest of it - honestly, you might seem to be the reasonable one on the surface but if your reaction to a hockey match is to cancel a weekend away for your husband's birthday then my guess is that you're probably a bit ridiculous about the kids in general and there's just been a build up of resentment.

I can tell you right now that if DH decided to cancel taking me on a birthday weekend away because our son lost a match, I would find that really hard to get over.

I’m team husband. Not going away for a night because your son lost a game of hockey is ridiculous. It sounds like you’re on different pages with your children.

Im now at the life stage of the two DS being at university.
Prioritize your husband. The Dc go off and love their lives. They do not look back. It will be you and DH. You are fortunate that he loves to spend time with you. Many husbands don’t. Embrace it.

I feel for you. You’re a good, loving mum. He’s making you feel like this - he sounds a bit petulant.

I’m feeling that he had a harder time of it growing up than your boys and is a bit jealous of the softer, kinder, more loving childhood that they are having. I had this a bit with my husband too. Well tough titties - the kids come first. Always.

But, having said that, you do sometimes you have to show them that they are loved and valued otherwise you’re going to end up divorced. Try again with a date night or weekend away.

The children won’t always be this little and demanding. Put your children first but do what you need to do to keep your husband on-side.

We’re nearly 40 years together, married for 37 years.