Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

So you're concern is that if he's so happy to send a dick pic to you, he might have sent them to 100s of women before you? Girllll what he's done before you with other consenting women is absolutely none of your business. I can't imagine thinking like this. Yes there's a good chance plenty of women have seen his dick. So what!!

You're allowed to ask for a naked pic without the dick, it's doesn't mean you then have to accept a dick pic. But tbf to him, he didn't send you one. Many would have!! He just threw it out there as a bit of a joke to see how you'd react. You confirmed no dick pics. So all is good in the world is it not?

Because you’re dismissing the op’s concerns based on your own old fashioned experiences. You yourself are coming across as unpleasant to the op!

You have no idea who he is or what he does or even if he does work let alone if he's married- this is what the pp meant by false intimacy.

Is there any need to be so unpleasant? Just saying that, even as an older poster, I work with a lot of younger people, and mandatory “on the day checking” does not seem prevalent

So you know people who are online dating and they don’t communicate on the day? That is definitely unusual.

One of my friends, who lives in Australia, met her dh at church and she lives somewhere with only a satellite signal so they communicated by letter. She wasn’t WhatsApping him on the day.

But if I was meeting her for a coffee now, two decades later, she’d text me because things move on.

You can’t really compare the two. It’s quite normal to be ghosted even after months, so yes, I confirm on the day of the date while I’m getting to know someone. It’s a sad sign of the times.

Good for you that you've never been stood up or cancelled on after paying for a train like l have been!

Can't argue with stupid.. I would honestly just leave it.

Awe that’s cool you met your husband on line 🙌 .
So there is success stories out there .
I think I should take some of your advice also & hopefully meet the right person 🤞 😊

Haha that would be pretty short. I often hear tall women think they can't date shorter men because it makes them feel less feminine which is a shame. I am plus size so always dated massive guys without necks so I didn't feel so fat but then ended up marrying a slim runner!

Oh sorry , I picked it up as date someone you’ve zero interest in really 😂 😂.

I get what you’re saying now .
I agree you can’t judge by photos , you need to meet up in real life .
Have to admit , I can’t bring myself to date someone shorter than me though , but then I am only 5/4 so he’d want to be pretty short. ! 😂

I mean at the online stage regarding the attractiveness as some people have bad photos online or are just more attractive in real life. Going for a usual type hasn't worked if someone is still single so try something different. Height is so superficial and a person could be missing out on soneone perfect for them in every way. Not bad advice at all.

“ Date people who you wouldn’t usually go for , or find attractive, or that are shorter than you “.
That there now has to be the worst dating advice I’ve ever heard 😂 !!

Well good for you… in the good old days when arrangements were made by wired telephone that meant you got charged for every phone call so you had to be economical with contacting and phoning after 6pm in an evening!
Things are different now with everyone having access to the internet and the online world where men have thousands upon thousands of choices of women to choose from (like a catalogue) and women are very much replaceable in the blink of an eye. The constant swiping left and right on many men/ women available not just in the local area but nationally, even globally! And a man can just choose to ‘go with someone else’ while deciding to ghost the previous one who he’s been chatting to for a couple of months without giving any reason!
It’s not like the 70s and 80s where if you was dating a woman you were considered as being ‘together’. Nowadays people can just meet up with any random and shag each other then never see each other again. And people use dating apps to take advantage of that! Nowadays it IS necessary to double check on the day of the date! People have WhatsApp now so it’s instant contact and not confining things a few days before via an old telephone attached to the wall via a cable! Keep up!

I met DH before online dating was a thing. But I’ve never heard of “on the day checking” anywhere except MN

Also to say that when a man is genuinely lovely you will automatically be more calm and laid back because the wont send mixed messages or do or say confusing things.

I just wanted to say don't give up. I was in the same online dating cess pool for ages and a single parent like you and am now happily married to a man I met online in my late thirties. It really is a numbers game. Don't give up but also don't invest so much. Like others have said, speak to multiple men, minimal chat, minimal thinking about them, delete anyone who tries to talk about sex at the chat stage. Then meet for a coffee and bin if clear red flags. Date people who you wouldn't usually go for or find attractive or are shorter than you etc and write them off for red flags not superficial reasons. Try and take a less intense and more laid back approach which is easier said than done when you have been burnt before but you can do it. Hope you meet a genuinely lovely man.

OP, I'm sorry you had this experience. Sounds exactly like a few guys I talked to. I guess I've got a spidey-sense now of when something's off (cancelling, not confirming on the day, and above all the sex talk). When they would cancel because of illness or whatever, or they just had to pause things for a while, friends thought I was being mean in assuming they were already in a relationship rather than anxious. They would usually come back one late night when they were drunk, to try and get some sexual gratification. But keep pursuing it. I'm ten years older than you, and no way that even I am too old to find a good relationship. Try different dating apps, Tinder/Hinge/Bumble were all useless for me, there's plenty out there to find the best one for you. I met my 30-year-old DP two years ago on OKCupid, we had lovely chats and met about a week later, he was nowhere near pushy and it's been brilliant, I just knew from the beginning that he was special, and too many times I'd had to just fend guys off who only wanted sex (I'm autistic and demisexual, I take a few months to really find attraction so they would be very disappointed anyway). My advice for if someone does this again - have a plan B to meet a friend if the date goes awry, I needed that to pick myself up sometimes.

Well said!

Well I don’t know one person who would rock up to a date without being in contact with one another that day .
Op was ghosted, so goes to show what having NC day of date results in .

That’s not what you said sorry! Also why should op validate him further by letting him know that him not turning up has bothered her. She’s got her ‘closure’ from the supportive people on this thread who have told op what he was after, what his intentions were and that she dodged a bullet. She doesn’t need any validation from him neither does she need to give the twat an ego boost by asking for ‘closure’ which he’s quite likely to lie about and manipulate op again anyway!

I'm saying that for SOME PEOPLE this is sufficient. It wouldn't be for me, but I would have texted again after to find out what his lame excuse was, just to get that closure. Op didn't do that after the morning text unless I've missed an update from her.

The point is op DID double check and she was met with no response. I can’t understand why people are just excusing this guy’s behaviour. So are you saying op was wrong not to waste her time turning up to a date with a guy she messaged and he never responded to and never contacted her again??

You said this
”Right? he confirmed the night before which for men is basically a 'see you there'. My other half will make plans a week before with a friend, they wont text again, and then they'll meet up at the agreed time/place with no drama.”

Basically telling the op that she should just accept his non response! You did not say you would have text again. Op did message him and he didn’t respond. So if he didn’t even bother to respond to it then he’s not going to turn up either, regardless of what you’re happy to accept from your other half.