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AIBU?

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AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

713 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 15:42

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 14:39

A slag is someone who sleeps with numerous people, I have never been a slag in my life.

Yes, I was sleeping with him whilst my ex was in prison, we were still in a relationship at the time.

I don’t see how being intimate with one person is being a slag.

What attitude do I have towards his wife? I have never ever disrespected her or said anything about.

Men cheat, married or not. I am pretty sure if I was male I would do the same thing now and again.

No, I didn’t keep the baby to keep him in my life, he would always be in my life, all I had to do in the past is call him and tell him I am at home alone, and I don’t like being alone.

My baby is fine and will always be loved.

This actually makes you sound worse, which I didn’t think possible!!!

you have zero morals, zero class, I’d put money on you having a neck tattoo.

he is married for fuck sake! How low is your self esteem that you will throw yourself at him despite him choosing his wife and “real family” over and over?!

OMG IS HE KYLE WALKER?!!!!

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 14:40

Swiftie1878 · 03/05/2026 13:21

You make me sick.

GOOD!

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 14:39

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 14:10

either that or this is a troll thread. No one can be this stupid/scummy.

I hate the word slag but the OPs attitude towards this man’s wife and her own son are abhorrent.

Did you only keep the baby to keep him in your life? Your baby seems almost an afterthought in this shitshow…

A slag is someone who sleeps with numerous people, I have never been a slag in my life.

Yes, I was sleeping with him whilst my ex was in prison, we were still in a relationship at the time.

I don’t see how being intimate with one person is being a slag.

What attitude do I have towards his wife? I have never ever disrespected her or said anything about.

Men cheat, married or not. I am pretty sure if I was male I would do the same thing now and again.

No, I didn’t keep the baby to keep him in my life, he would always be in my life, all I had to do in the past is call him and tell him I am at home alone, and I don’t like being alone.

My baby is fine and will always be loved.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 03/05/2026 14:22

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 14:10

either that or this is a troll thread. No one can be this stupid/scummy.

I hate the word slag but the OPs attitude towards this man’s wife and her own son are abhorrent.

Did you only keep the baby to keep him in your life? Your baby seems almost an afterthought in this shitshow…

Yeah I think the more the OP says, the more I think she may have additional needs. Even if it was a trolley post... I think you'd need to a certain level of person to come up with this story.

happychops · 03/05/2026 14:20

A nod of the head or a small wave of acknowledgment is all they get from me!

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 14:10

BudgetBuster · 03/05/2026 14:00

Do you have learning difficulties @lifesbeenfeelingheavylately ?

either that or this is a troll thread. No one can be this stupid/scummy.

I hate the word slag but the OPs attitude towards this man’s wife and her own son are abhorrent.

Did you only keep the baby to keep him in your life? Your baby seems almost an afterthought in this shitshow…

BudgetBuster · 03/05/2026 14:00

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

Do you have learning difficulties @lifesbeenfeelingheavylately ?

RampantIvy · 03/05/2026 13:58

Has anyone asked MNHQ if this is a genuine poster?
It feels as if we are being played.

ItTook9Years · 03/05/2026 13:53

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

Okay. Ha ha. Joke is on all of us. What an absolute waste of everyone’s time.

RampantIvy · 03/05/2026 13:26

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

In an earlier post you said you didn't want to break up the marriage.

You contradict everything you say.

Your behaviour is contemptible and hypocritical and devoid of any kind of logical or critical thinking.

I'm not sure that this thread is real. No-one is this thick.

Or it is rage bait by someone who is bored.

Swiftie1878 · 03/05/2026 13:21

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

You make me sick.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 11:55

Haha, you are completely delusional. Either that or completely lacking in self-awareness, or any semblance of integrity or class.

Why keep sleeping with him then? Giving him all the power with regards your son really isn’t the “innocent victim” flex you think it is. You are just letting your son down by putting this cheating twat’s ego (and your own, infantile logic “oh I just fancy him”) above his welfare.

You’ll be back here in a few years with threads about your useless “baby daddy” and “unfair” Social Services involvement..

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 11:55

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 11:39

Are you okay? I would never ever use my son as a pawn!

What power games are you even speaking about?

I have let his father have every thing his own way since the baby was born.

I let him name him, he had his surname, so how am I using my child as a pawn?

I think you need to read back over the thread, because the two things you’ve mentioned do not make sense!

Haha, you are completely delusional. Either that or completely lacking in self-awareness, or any semblance of integrity or class.

Why keep sleeping with him then? Giving him all the power with regards your son really isn’t the “innocent victim” flex you think it is. You are just letting your son down by putting this cheating twat’s ego (and your own, infantile logic “oh I just fancy him”) above his welfare.

You’ll be back here in a few years with threads about your useless “baby daddy” and “unfair” Social Services involvement..

ItTook9Years · 03/05/2026 11:42

It’s you that isn’t okay, OP.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 11:39

CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 11:24

This thread is absolutely wild. How the OP can spout such faux naïveté as “why would I stop him seeing his son? Why wouldn’t I give him his last name?” Whilst still sleeping with a married man who she created a thread about to moan he is controlling and abusive?! the mind boggles.

Tbh your life sounds toxic and chaotic, an ex in prison, openly pursuing a married man, seemingly having no respect for your own child that you are using him as a pawn in your weird power games.

You and this man both sound as morally corrupt, thick and frankly scummy and classless as each other. The only victims in this are his wife and the children, who deserve much better than this.

What kind of future do you think you can provide for your baby?!

Are you okay? I would never ever use my son as a pawn!

What power games are you even speaking about?

I have let his father have every thing his own way since the baby was born.

I let him name him, he had his surname, so how am I using my child as a pawn?

I think you need to read back over the thread, because the two things you’ve mentioned do not make sense!

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 11:24

This thread is absolutely wild. How the OP can spout such faux naïveté as “why would I stop him seeing his son? Why wouldn’t I give him his last name?” Whilst still sleeping with a married man who she created a thread about to moan he is controlling and abusive?! the mind boggles.

Tbh your life sounds toxic and chaotic, an ex in prison, openly pursuing a married man, seemingly having no respect for your own child that you are using him as a pawn in your weird power games.

You and this man both sound as morally corrupt, thick and frankly scummy and classless as each other. The only victims in this are his wife and the children, who deserve much better than this.

What kind of future do you think you can provide for your baby?!

SisterThorn · 03/05/2026 07:50

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 12:37

Is there something wrong with you? Very weird!

Why would I do that, it seems like people here find pleasure in breaking up families, I would never do something like that.

You and he have already done enough to break his family.

Every time you see him, you and he are breaking his family
Every time you have sex, you and he are breaking his family

99bottlesofkombucha · 02/05/2026 23:17

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 12:37

Is there something wrong with you? Very weird!

Why would I do that, it seems like people here find pleasure in breaking up families, I would never do something like that.

Nothing is wrong with us. He is having domestic issues because he’s an abusive controlling nasty freak, and clearly his wife and kids get their share of his awful behaviour. It was always clear to everyone but you that he’s as awful and controlling a dad amd husband to his real family as he is to you. We are hoping telling her he has a second family he wants to see and sleep over with would be the final straw for his wife to leave him and then his other dc would be more protected from him too. Even if they have contact coming home to a house free of the controlling dad would be like a fresh breath of oxygen, when they get home to mums place they can be free. No-one delights in breaking up families, we want women and especially children protected from controlling men. You’re an adult and you can fuck your life up if you choose, but it’s horrible to see adults making choices every day to also do this to their children, it would be one small win for children in a tough world if his wife dumped him. And for your baby if you blocked him and never let him inside again.

ItTook9Years · 02/05/2026 22:52

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 20:19

Thank you babe x

I wouldn’t tell his wife, I would not get any satisfaction out of splitting up his family.

best hope your son doesn’t do an ancestry and me/other DNA tracking scheme at any point in his life then.

ItTook9Years · 02/05/2026 22:44

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 20:16

I didn’t want to have a child with him, yes I wanted a baby and I was actively trying with my ex for a while but it just didn’t happen.

When I was sleeping with my sons father it was always protected, the one time we went without that’s when I fell pregnant, I had no plans on keeping the baby, due to his circumstances.

Of course I let him know I was pregnant, if he would have said he didn’t want the baby I would have had to have an abortion.

I do not want to ruin what he has with his family, I’m not that kind of person.

You actively contradict yourself in every post.

You always used protection except that one time you didn’t.

You didn’t want to keep the baby, but somehow did.

make it make sense!

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 20:19

Notabarbie · 02/05/2026 18:06

You're learning. Don't give up on yourself and talk about yourself that way. You have some insight into your behaviour and you recognise he can't be in your life like this. Those are positives.

In practical terms, his wife needs to know about your baby for your son's sake. Otherwise you're too vulnerable to being treated like his secret family and you are tied into assisting him to see his son in ways that cross boundaries. When his wife knows, their marriage may end. That's ok. He will have to make arrangements to see all his children out in the open. He may be allowed to stay on the condition he cuts you both off. Better that than the reality of having a dad who can't acknowledge you in public. The truth will either come out later or your son will be very hurt by his behaviour. Tell his wife.

Thank you babe x

I wouldn’t tell his wife, I would not get any satisfaction out of splitting up his family.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 20:16

RampantIvy · 02/05/2026 18:45

Oh come on. You said you had fancied him for ages.

It takes two to tango. You could have said no.

I just don't understand your illogical thought process.

I didn’t want to have a child with him, yes I wanted a baby and I was actively trying with my ex for a while but it just didn’t happen.

When I was sleeping with my sons father it was always protected, the one time we went without that’s when I fell pregnant, I had no plans on keeping the baby, due to his circumstances.

Of course I let him know I was pregnant, if he would have said he didn’t want the baby I would have had to have an abortion.

I do not want to ruin what he has with his family, I’m not that kind of person.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 02/05/2026 20:10

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 17:11

He is the one who wanted this, so it’s all on him.

No it isn’t all on him. You have to take responsibility for the fact you conducted a sexual relationship and had a child with a married man.

BudgetBuster · 02/05/2026 19:20

Swiftie1878 · 02/05/2026 18:40

No, sorry. You knowingly slept with and became pregnant by a married man with children. You are both scummy.
What you are both doing now is scummier still. Own it.

And has been continuing to sleep with him so an actual affair. An entire side family.

It's disgusting that people think that low of their innocent child.

RampantIvy · 02/05/2026 18:45

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 17:11

He is the one who wanted this, so it’s all on him.

Oh come on. You said you had fancied him for ages.

It takes two to tango. You could have said no.

I just don't understand your illogical thought process.

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