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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

713 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
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99bottlesofkombucha · 11/05/2026 01:10

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 18:55

You probably don't want to hear from me, but I feel the need to apologise for the distasteful things I said.

Sorry 🙁

A lot has happened since I last posted here, my son's father said he no longer wants anything to do with me because I stood my ground.

So now it’s just me and my son.

Of course he doesnt if he cant control you. Everything he said about loving his children and your child together and everything you thought about him being a family man is a lie, and it is irrelevant you knew him already, some people are good liars. You should be happy that your child is free of him as that’s much healthier for your child, block him on everything, call your child whatever you want even if it’s not their legal name, and move on. I’m sorry for his wife and other children who are presumably stuck, you and your child were a dirty secret so easy to dump.

Bigcat25 · 11/05/2026 00:46

Sorry to hear this OP .Wishing you and your son the best in the future. Definitely a head trip that you've been through.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 21:21

Swiftie1878 · 10/05/2026 20:20

I’m not saying you’ve made up what he said. I’m saying you are making up your honest response to it, and that you’ll be on your back with him again as soon as he snaps his fingers.
I don’t believe you’ve had a light bulb moment, I don’t believe you feel shame, I believe you are loving the drama and the attention.

Your poor, poor child. ☹️

He got very abusive.

OP posts:
guestusername · 10/05/2026 20:21

This is possibly the best opportunity you could get to sort yourself out.

He will come crawling back. You know it, I know it and the whole of MN knows it. What you do about it is entirely up to you. There is only one person who can sort you out OP. You. You can either subject your child to an entire lifetime of thinking that your situation is normal, that his mum willingly allows his dad to treat her so badly, or you can show him that you can do better. He deserves better and so do you.

Which will you choose?

Swiftie1878 · 10/05/2026 20:20

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 20:13

Seriously, why would anyone even make something like this up?

I wish it was, because I’ve disgraced myself to the highest level.

I’m not saying you’ve made up what he said. I’m saying you are making up your honest response to it, and that you’ll be on your back with him again as soon as he snaps his fingers.
I don’t believe you’ve had a light bulb moment, I don’t believe you feel shame, I believe you are loving the drama and the attention.

Your poor, poor child. ☹️

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 20:13

Swiftie1878 · 10/05/2026 19:58

Sorry if I don’t believe any of this and it turns out to be true, but I think he’s just manipulating you again. He’ll suddenly come back and you’ll be sooo grateful and drop your knickers for him again.
It’s so boring and predictable. <yawn>

Seriously, why would anyone even make something like this up?

I wish it was, because I’ve disgraced myself to the highest level.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 10/05/2026 19:58

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 19:36

Thanks for staying kind even though I was very rude to some people, looking back I'm really ashamed of myself.

I am staying away from him, with my friends and family providing support.

I want to change the baby's first and last name, but I cannot do so without his consent.

I’ve been so foolish, I shouldn’t have let myself get into this situation.

I also need to move out of this apartment because I want to be closer to my family. Being here alone at night scares me, and I can't cope with it.

Sorry if I don’t believe any of this and it turns out to be true, but I think he’s just manipulating you again. He’ll suddenly come back and you’ll be sooo grateful and drop your knickers for him again.
It’s so boring and predictable. <yawn>

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 19:36

Zanatdy · 10/05/2026 19:20

I have just read through most of your messages. You need to stay away from this man, he is having his fun controlling you and having 2 women on the go. He will be back, but you need to keep standing your ground or he is going to make your life very miserable.

Thanks for staying kind even though I was very rude to some people, looking back I'm really ashamed of myself.

I am staying away from him, with my friends and family providing support.

I want to change the baby's first and last name, but I cannot do so without his consent.

I’ve been so foolish, I shouldn’t have let myself get into this situation.

I also need to move out of this apartment because I want to be closer to my family. Being here alone at night scares me, and I can't cope with it.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 10/05/2026 19:20

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 18:55

You probably don't want to hear from me, but I feel the need to apologise for the distasteful things I said.

Sorry 🙁

A lot has happened since I last posted here, my son's father said he no longer wants anything to do with me because I stood my ground.

So now it’s just me and my son.

I have just read through most of your messages. You need to stay away from this man, he is having his fun controlling you and having 2 women on the go. He will be back, but you need to keep standing your ground or he is going to make your life very miserable.

RampantIvy · 10/05/2026 19:05

Stay strong. It really is the best result 💐

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 18:55

You probably don't want to hear from me, but I feel the need to apologise for the distasteful things I said.

Sorry 🙁

A lot has happened since I last posted here, my son's father said he no longer wants anything to do with me because I stood my ground.

So now it’s just me and my son.

OP posts:
SisterThorn · 05/05/2026 07:44

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but I do not deal with men who have porn addiction

No, what you deal with is worse. You deal with a man with a wandering penis and think thats ok

RampantIvy · 04/05/2026 15:34

Firstly I am not a teenager, and I slept with him because I wanted to, that’s the only reason.
BECAUSE I WANTED TO!
I never once said I didn’t have any friends, I do have friends but this isn’t something I feel comfortable discussing with, because I am actually ashamed and embarrassed.

So many contradictions here.

Milothebunny · 04/05/2026 12:36

You come across as having the mental capacity & intelligence of a child!!
Ridiculously immature!!
In black & white you appear completely idiotic.
I pray you are a troll and have not birthed a child.

Milothebunny · 04/05/2026 12:31

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 08:38

I have allowed people here to be rude to me, the moment I be rude back everyone has an issue with it.

I am beyond caring now, I said what I said and it’s probably true that their husbands/partner have a porn addiction, and they have ugly kids.

Don’t project on me.

I am divorced and child free so, yeah nice try but hugely incorrect!!
You really are puddled!!

ForeverPombear · 04/05/2026 11:39

You two sound perfect for each other tbh, morals as low as each others.

I feel so sorry for the poor baby being brought into this.

Therapyboop · 04/05/2026 09:02

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BuckChuckets · 04/05/2026 09:01

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😂😂😂

Therapyboop · 04/05/2026 08:53

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 19/04/2026 16:10

He's not trash, me and him have always had a connection.

HE IS MARRIED.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 08:41

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BudgetBuster · 04/05/2026 08:40

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 08:38

I have allowed people here to be rude to me, the moment I be rude back everyone has an issue with it.

I am beyond caring now, I said what I said and it’s probably true that their husbands/partner have a porn addiction, and they have ugly kids.

Don’t project on me.

Ah yes, my kids must be ugly because I had them in a loving marriage and not via a sordid affair 😂

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 08:38

Milothebunny · 04/05/2026 08:17

You are absolutely tapped!!
Doubt any of this is even true, but if it is, I truly feel sorry for the child.
You sound unhinged & unstable.

I have allowed people here to be rude to me, the moment I be rude back everyone has an issue with it.

I am beyond caring now, I said what I said and it’s probably true that their husbands/partner have a porn addiction, and they have ugly kids.

Don’t project on me.

OP posts:
Milothebunny · 04/05/2026 08:17

You are absolutely tapped!!
Doubt any of this is even true, but if it is, I truly feel sorry for the child.
You sound unhinged & unstable.

SisterThorn · 04/05/2026 08:04

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So what happens in17 years when he does a dna test and finds all his half siblings?

And will this prince of father be around when he is older? How will he explain where he goes when not visiting his son?

You haven't even considered anyone except yourself and a quick shag with a man who wont have a decent and proper relationship with you. Is your life so sad you are not worth your own man?

SisterThorn · 04/05/2026 07:59

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

With all honesty, why the fuck are you here then? What do you want? A pat on the back and a there-there??

Seriously, you are acting like a kid. And yes you ARE harming your child, you ARE harming his other children, you ARE harming his wife.

Your clear lack of regard for anything apart from YOU is disgusting