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AIBU?

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AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

713 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
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Swiftie1878 · 12/05/2026 07:27

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No, you just shag their husbands ‘because you like it’ and bring a child into the whole mess too. You’re a much superior being!

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 23:17

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Reasons like enabling a man to cheat on his wife and young children, having a secret baby and mutilating his genitals? Or continuing to sleep with said man and prioritising him over a tiny child’s wellbeing? Telling a jailbird ex that you had to be moved away from for your own safety that you have a a baby making him a potential target?

If not these reasons, then what reasons?

LizzieW1969 · 11/05/2026 23:14

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It's really nasty to talk about ‘ugly kids’, why would you even bring that up???

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 23:13

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 23:06

Why are you so bothered about my next step in life?

My dad can get a mortgage, worry about yourself and your children.

I have no worries, sweetheart. I make good decisions.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 23:11

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lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 23:06

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 22:40

Well, he can’t get a mortgage on your behalf without becoming a landlord and you won’t get one without secure employment, so……..

Why are you so bothered about my next step in life?

My dad can get a mortgage, worry about yourself and your children.

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 23:02

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 21:20

Didn't I mention my dad was gonna help me? I might not qualify, but he does, and I've got the money to cover the repayments.

You’re full of bullshit, thinking you know everything about me.

You basically accused anyone who questioned your morality of being married to men with “porn addictions” and “having ugly kids”. I’m not the bullshitter here….

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 22:40

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 21:20

Didn't I mention my dad was gonna help me? I might not qualify, but he does, and I've got the money to cover the repayments.

You’re full of bullshit, thinking you know everything about me.

Well, he can’t get a mortgage on your behalf without becoming a landlord and you won’t get one without secure employment, so……..

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 21:23

LizzieW1969 · 11/05/2026 21:10

Why are you all so keen to keep on accusing the OP of lying? Why not just hide the thread? If you think it's all for attention, why give her that attention?

Thank you so much, I have not once lied. I have no reason to sit and lie to strangers, I don’t know any of you and nothing will ever identify me.

When I start being rude to people who think it's okay to disrespect me, they get all upset.

Hiding behind a screen to disrespect strangers is just cowardly, and it clearly makes them feel better about themselves.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 21:20

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Didn't I mention my dad was gonna help me? I might not qualify, but he does, and I've got the money to cover the repayments.

You’re full of bullshit, thinking you know everything about me.

OP posts:
LizzieW1969 · 11/05/2026 21:10

Why are you all so keen to keep on accusing the OP of lying? Why not just hide the thread? If you think it's all for attention, why give her that attention?

CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 20:52

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lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 19:30

CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 18:35

I did ask, before and you were either lying then or now as this directly contradicts what you said earlier though, which means no one can trust what your saying is the truth, or even close to it!

you seem strangely proud of having an affair (and a child) with a complete rat of a man. Zero integrity, zero pride, zero empathy for his wife. Your backpedaling now reeks of attention seeking, as people had stopped responding to your ignorant, offensive, and downright classless responses to women on this thread….

I didn’t lie

I don’t need Universal Credit or housing benefit permanently, it’s only temporary.

He is probably with his wife and children now, they are a family, and I have no reason to feel sorry for anything except my son.

OP posts:
ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 18:57

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 18:10

Instead of assuming, why not just ask?

There aren't any inconsistencies.

The police moved me because of threats on my life, and I ended up in a housing association place.

Since I wasn't going to work, they told me to apply for universal credit and housing benefit.

But you’re going to apply for a mortgage, are you?

CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 18:35

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 18:10

Instead of assuming, why not just ask?

There aren't any inconsistencies.

The police moved me because of threats on my life, and I ended up in a housing association place.

Since I wasn't going to work, they told me to apply for universal credit and housing benefit.

I did ask, before and you were either lying then or now as this directly contradicts what you said earlier though, which means no one can trust what your saying is the truth, or even close to it!

you seem strangely proud of having an affair (and a child) with a complete rat of a man. Zero integrity, zero pride, zero empathy for his wife. Your backpedaling now reeks of attention seeking, as people had stopped responding to your ignorant, offensive, and downright classless responses to women on this thread….

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 18:10

CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 17:22

Yep, soooo many inconsistencies! She obviously loves the drama/attention and is trying a different approach to get people to reengage.

also, thought you had “private income” with no benefits etc. Yet you want to “give your house back to your housing office”

maybe focus on your child instead of all this “relationship” drama…

Instead of assuming, why not just ask?

There aren't any inconsistencies.

The police moved me because of threats on my life, and I ended up in a housing association place.

Since I wasn't going to work, they told me to apply for universal credit and housing benefit.

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 17:22

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 16:32

Didn’t OP’s mother think he was a “lovely man”?

Still not convinced any of this is real.

Yep, soooo many inconsistencies! She obviously loves the drama/attention and is trying a different approach to get people to reengage.

also, thought you had “private income” with no benefits etc. Yet you want to “give your house back to your housing office”

maybe focus on your child instead of all this “relationship” drama…

BudgetBuster · 11/05/2026 16:52

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 16:49

I don't understand why you're here, you bring nothing but bad energy.

Most people don't understand why you are here... with a new story every day

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 16:49

BudgetBuster · 11/05/2026 16:44

It can't be real. But it's not even sounding like a good fiction anymore... the plot has been completely lost.

I don't understand why you're here, you bring nothing but bad energy.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 16:48

RampantIvy · 11/05/2026 16:01

Good call going back to your mum's house. You will get more support there.

Yes, she did, and now she is asking what went wrong.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 11/05/2026 16:44

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 16:32

Didn’t OP’s mother think he was a “lovely man”?

Still not convinced any of this is real.

It can't be real. But it's not even sounding like a good fiction anymore... the plot has been completely lost.

RampantIvy · 11/05/2026 16:40

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 16:32

Didn’t OP’s mother think he was a “lovely man”?

Still not convinced any of this is real.

Yes, you are correct.

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 16:32

Didn’t OP’s mother think he was a “lovely man”?

Still not convinced any of this is real.

RampantIvy · 11/05/2026 16:01

Good call going back to your mum's house. You will get more support there.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 13:43

He loves his other children, but he doesn't love mine as much as he says, if he did, he wouldn't act the way he does.

It's alright, my child is surrounded by many people who love him, so for now, it doesn't matter if his father is present.

I visited my doctor and asked for a referral to a specialist I could talk to about my mental health, which isn't in a good state. She gave me one, but the NHS wait times are just too long, so I might have to go private since I don't want to keep feeling like this.

I called my housing office today because I want to give the property back. I don't think I deserve it, and honestly, I'd feel way better if it went to someone who really needs it. I'm going back to my mum's while my dad helps me sort out a mortgage application.

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