AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

^This 💯. Why would you suppose that the only reason we’re saying these things is because we’re bitter?

People have been trying to help you, and to help your son op. You’re being very rude to them. Parenting is a responsibility and should be in the child’s best interest. Every time you let him walk into your home you’re acting to your child’s cost, because he does not benefit from having this controlling man in his life. We are not saying this because we are bitter or ‘unattractive’, we have husbands who aren’t cheating and who are great dads who put their children and us first and we have children who we put first all the time. You have neither, and refuse to put your child first and lock this man out. You’ve made up some rubbish about he deserves to see his child to justify your being a doormat. You’ve lied to yourself that he’s a family man, and that he loves his children or anything but himself and being in control. If he really wants to see his child, he can prove that by going to court for access because you’ve locked him out. You would not be taking him to court, you would be being taken to court. You would be being a good mum.

Well you’re in it now so what next?

im reading your posts and you seem incredibly passive. Is that fair?

This man is being controlling… you have no boundaries whatsoever and for the sake of your child you need to out some in place quickly

The other day, I went into my wardrobe and found some of his clothes hanging up, along with a bag full of toiletries.
When I asked him why his clothes were in my wardrobe, he answered, 'Just in case.'

Bag them up and give them back to him.

Ironically, she was a nursery teacher. 😂.

And she was instrumental in helping my sister navigate similar issues with her baby’s father through the courts (although he wasn’t married, just a dick).

Yes, darling. I’ve been married over 20 years. Very happy. Lovely child and a capable husband and father. I’m not bitter, you’re just incredibly dense.

Seen multiple friends and family members deal with child access through the courts, hence trying to give you helpful
advice.

OMG. Not once has anyone suggested YOU take HIM to court.

HE can go to court to arrange appropriate access to your child. It’s a formal structure so that you aren’t the gateway to access and prevent him from controlling you because you have basically given him an open door to your child and therefore YOU.

Do you need me to find some crayons?

One fucked up decision after another.

You need to agree set times and dates.

So tue 4-5 after work, Friday 4-5 and Sunday 10-12, just as example.
He needs to take DC and not expect time with you.

You trust this guy. He has a relationship with your DC. Allow him to spend time together but not impact your life or routine.

Eventually build up the time away from you.

Will you eventually allow full days and then overnights if he wants them?

@lifesbeenfeelingheavylately I mean this kindly. Do you have learning difficulties? Because you seem to really not quite understand what people are saying to you about court, alongside many other things. It's not about you taking him to court. It's about you putting healthy boundaries in place for your child so that they have routine and certainty about what family life looks like for them. That isn't his father turning up randomly and whenever he wants - that's a recipe for disaster. That means his father should apply to court for a proper contact schedule if he wants one. Which he won't do because he has a whole other family. As long as he can turn up whenever he wants, he has control over you and your child. Do you understand what I'm saying? Or is there someone else who can help advocate for you and your child if you're not able to do that for reasons such as learning difficulties?

Also attacking posters who are trying to help you really isn't on. People who aren't with their partners or husbands aren't automatically bitter - almost the opposite of they are in control of their own lives. You seem to view being in a relationship as being the ideal. Sometimes it isn't.

He can see his child anytime he wants,

By doing it this way you are allowing him to control the narrative. You need to take back control and make the contact rules yourself.

Exactly. It’s just pure attention-seeking. I still can’t believe there’s women out there as ignorant and deluded as this OP but there you go….

But she wants him to control her... hence why she pops up every few days with a new silly sob story

Just fucking block him and let him take you to court for access to your son. It’s really quite simple.

You won’t, because you live for this.

Didn’t take long.

He can't control you if you don't allow it.

And what does that mean?

You are the only person who can change the situation

You're basically tefloning the whole situation as if you are passive bystander observing. Well you're not.