AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

@lifesbeenfeelingheavylately I think people are trying to help you by pointing out just how awful the father of your child is. They are all seeing what you aren't or what you are refusing to see.

He is controlling
He is a liar and a cheat
He is abusive
He treats you like a doormat (and you let him)
He doesn't respect you (or his wife and, I suspect, women in general)

You and your baby are entitled to a life free from this kind of abuse. His "rights" don't trump yours.

Accept the help and support from your family to get away from him and your horrible ex, and try to find a way to build up some self esteem so that you can raise your bar when it comes to men. You don't need a man in your life to feel valued or validated.

Wishing you all the best 💐

It's almost as if it's just rage bait...

But you shouldn't trust him...
He is a clear danger. Surely even you can see his behaviour is detrimental to you (and therefore by default your baby)?

It's almost as if you won't believe it until it happens

You've been given lots of good advice.

I suggest putting your phone away for the day and enjoying time with your baby.

Because you had a bit of your baby cut off to make this man happy.

I cant understand why you are posting, he is an abusive arsehole but you dont care. You dont care about your child, as you are willing to let him see how this 'man' is treating you and you accept it as normal.

None of this is normal, from the start he has shown what kind of lowlife he is, and what youre doing is licking his boots while he kicks you.

You’re in the wrong place, love.

You don’t need gentle platitudes, you need a kick up the arse.

It’s sounding more and more like a wind up post because there is no way you can honestly believe this man has good intentions just with the things you’ve posted about here.

You have made awful decisions which resulted in a baby, about which you made some more awful decisions. And you are still making awful decisions. If you want this to be your life, crack on, but please stop posting drivel about him trying to protect you or being a good father. The man is utter SCUM.

If you fully trusted him then you would be able to tell him very firmly and clearly to stop getting his nose into your business.

you are not his wife. He does not get to suggest dictate or command any aspect of your home, life or parenting. The fact you let him away with comments like “ not while I’m here” proves that you are afraid of speaking back to him to some degree.

I fully trust him with the baby also

That'll be the baby he had mutilated?

But you've said yourself- he isn't normal. His behaviour isn't normal.

Its how you define behaviour that is the issue. Children should not grow up to see one parent being abusive and controlling towards another.

I would seriously consider moving to live near your mum and if he wants to see the baby then perhaps your mum can help supervise so you dont have to see him.

I’m so glad you are going to your mum’s. Moving nearer to your family and friends is really important.

I understand why you want your child to have a relationship with his father. That’s very important.

But it’s also really important that you protect yourself from this man and have strong boundaries in place. Your family and friends will be able to help you with that.

His behaviour is controlling and abusive and you need to think longer term about how this comes across to your child. You don’t want your son to grow up thinking how his father behaves towards women is normal or acceptable.

I also am sorry you are getting nasty responses on this thread. I think you need support not attacks. It says a lot about them as people.

@lifesbeenfeelingheavylately It doesn’t really matter that much about some of the things you’re talking about. The fact is that based on most of what you have posted that he is a danger to your child. Maybe not a physically but absolutely toxic emotionally - he’ll fuck up both of your lives if you let him. You are in the perfect position to get both of you away from him. He’s not going to come after you because he can’t without his wife finding out. Run for the hills.

He’s a sociopath. He doesn’t feel anything.

Words I used to determine that my DH would be a good father and someone I could cope with parenting with for the entirety of DD’s life and qualities I wanted passed on to DD:

honest
capable
reliable
clever
encouraging
supportive
kind
dedicated

Your son’s equivalent is

dishonest
manipulative
controlling
unreliable
disrespectful
threatening
dangerous
toxic

He will look to this scummy man as an example of how to treat women. I guess it’s good that he isn’t in prison, but honestly, he’s the lowest of the low and he hasn’t even got out of first gear yet.

Being in your son's life is fine, assuming he is willing to accept your choices (dummy, visiting mum) and not trying to control you (ring door bell, friends staying to long ).

There will come a time you may want to put boundaries in place, so he calls during the day only, not evenings as DC is in bed or not weekends because you have plans. Him visiting your child should not impact on the way you choose to live or the choices you make.

The sooner you put yourself and your child ahead of this man the better.

Your own words on this tread suggest not. Seriously, if a good friend of yours was the author of this post would you not be warning her to steer clear of this utter arsehole of a man?

Youll be the subject of a future documentary if you aren’t careful.

Putting unreasonable demands and pressure on you hourly is a perfectly good reason - he can pursue appropriate access to the child through the court if he wants to. I suspect he won’t bother.