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AIBU?

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AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

713 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
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9
BudgetBuster · 21/05/2026 14:13

KatherineParr · 21/05/2026 14:04

He's on the birth certificate so in reality the Police would be able to look him up very quickly.

And they probably did....given he apparently blocked the OP

KatherineParr · 21/05/2026 14:04

He's on the birth certificate so in reality the Police would be able to look him up very quickly.

BlueMum16 · 21/05/2026 13:54

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 13:28

By the time they showed up, I was already a mess. They asked for his name and details, but I didn’t give it to them.

One of my neighbours knocked, saying she was sorry but just worried about me and my son.

You should have given his name and number.

Don't protect him.

A call from the Police might have made his see his behaviour is unreasonable.

BudgetBuster · 21/05/2026 13:48

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2026 13:40

Here’s hoping SS do an intervention. This kid is in trouble with these two as parents.

Absolutely 💯
I really do hope SS were made aware because someone needs to safeguard the child.

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2026 13:40

Tableforjoan · 21/05/2026 13:35

Stop protecting him you should have given them his details.

You might possibly also now be on social services radar since the police were called due to a man who alleges he is the baby’s father causing a scene at your place of residence.

You won’t have helped yourself if they are by refusing to give his details.

Here’s hoping SS do an intervention. This kid is in trouble with these two as parents.

Tableforjoan · 21/05/2026 13:35

Stop protecting him you should have given them his details.

You might possibly also now be on social services radar since the police were called due to a man who alleges he is the baby’s father causing a scene at your place of residence.

You won’t have helped yourself if they are by refusing to give his details.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 13:28

BlueMum16 · 21/05/2026 11:15

Don't worry about your neighbour. They did the right thing.

What did the Police do? Have they spoken to him?

If is why he needs boundaries.

He has his own bed to sleep in. He is not sure problem. This isn't about seeing your son, who I'm assuming was asleep at 11pm.

By the time they showed up, I was already a mess. They asked for his name and details, but I didn’t give it to them.

One of my neighbours knocked, saying she was sorry but just worried about me and my son.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 21/05/2026 11:15

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 10:54

I appreciate your advice, thank you. I want nothing to do with him anymore, he's shown his real colors.

I have never stopped him from seeing the baby, he came late last night and assumed he could stay here and sleep in my bed.

I still can't believe he went and told our business to my neighbours, like who even does that? fucking weirdo.

My two neighbours are probably gossiping about me right now.

Don't worry about your neighbour. They did the right thing.

What did the Police do? Have they spoken to him?

If is why he needs boundaries.

He has his own bed to sleep in. He is not sure problem. This isn't about seeing your son, who I'm assuming was asleep at 11pm.

CodeAmber · 21/05/2026 11:14

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Tableforjoan · 21/05/2026 11:12

It’s just another tactic from him to control you.

He knew you wouldn’t want the neighbours to know. You ignored him. So he spoke to them to show that he will do yet again whatever he wants regardless of your feelings about it.

Notabarbie · 21/05/2026 11:02

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 10:18

He showed up late last night after 11, and I told him he can't just arrive unannounced and that he needs to go home.

With that, I turned off the intercom and my phone. Shortly after, two of my neighbours came to my door to tell me that he had rung their doorbells, telling them he is my son's father and accusing me of not letting him in, and that he just wants to see his child.

I told them that he isn’t well and just to ignore him, they ask if I wanted them to call the police, I told them not to, but an hour later they turned up.

I know my neighbours were just trying to look out for me. But I am very pissed off with them. I have tried to call my sons father but he has blocked my number.

If a strange man is calling your neighbours doorbell and trying to involve them in a dispute, and you are telling them this is not a welcome visitor, they were absolutely right to call the police on their own behalf if not for you and your son. This is a messy situation that shouldn't be concerning them.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 10:54

Tableforjoan · 21/05/2026 10:32

Seriously. You need to stop playing his games.

Everytime you give in he wins. He gets you back where he wants you.

Everytime you look like you might finally break free of him you let him reel you back in.

It’s not healthy for you or your son. If he wants to see baby meet at a cafe or soft play. Don’t let him in your flat. You have an abusive ex and an abusive controlling baby daddy.

Though I think deep down you like the fact he wants to be near you so bad. But it’s not because he loves you, it’s because he likes to control you. Like he controls his wife and his children. Wanting the baby to use a certain baby wash isn’t because he wants to spend time with you or your son it’s to control. Sleeping in you bed control and dominance showing he can and will do what he wants.

Like a dog pissing on a lamppost.

Get help for you and your son. Visits only in public.

I appreciate your advice, thank you. I want nothing to do with him anymore, he's shown his real colors.

I have never stopped him from seeing the baby, he came late last night and assumed he could stay here and sleep in my bed.

I still can't believe he went and told our business to my neighbours, like who even does that? fucking weirdo.

My two neighbours are probably gossiping about me right now.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 21/05/2026 10:50

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 10:45

He is not an ex, he is simply my son's father. We have never been in a relationship.

He doesn't want a relationship with his baby. He wants to control you.

How can you not understand this?

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 10:45

RampantIvy · 21/05/2026 10:22

You shouldn't be pissed off with your neighbours. They did you a favour.

You shouldn't have tried to call him either. He is an ex and needs to stay an ex.

He is not an ex, he is simply my son's father. We have never been in a relationship.

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · 21/05/2026 10:32

Seriously. You need to stop playing his games.

Everytime you give in he wins. He gets you back where he wants you.

Everytime you look like you might finally break free of him you let him reel you back in.

It’s not healthy for you or your son. If he wants to see baby meet at a cafe or soft play. Don’t let him in your flat. You have an abusive ex and an abusive controlling baby daddy.

Though I think deep down you like the fact he wants to be near you so bad. But it’s not because he loves you, it’s because he likes to control you. Like he controls his wife and his children. Wanting the baby to use a certain baby wash isn’t because he wants to spend time with you or your son it’s to control. Sleeping in you bed control and dominance showing he can and will do what he wants.

Like a dog pissing on a lamppost.

Get help for you and your son. Visits only in public.

RampantIvy · 21/05/2026 10:22

You shouldn't be pissed off with your neighbours. They did you a favour.

You shouldn't have tried to call him either. He is an ex and needs to stay an ex.

BudgetBuster · 21/05/2026 10:22

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 10:18

He showed up late last night after 11, and I told him he can't just arrive unannounced and that he needs to go home.

With that, I turned off the intercom and my phone. Shortly after, two of my neighbours came to my door to tell me that he had rung their doorbells, telling them he is my son's father and accusing me of not letting him in, and that he just wants to see his child.

I told them that he isn’t well and just to ignore him, they ask if I wanted them to call the police, I told them not to, but an hour later they turned up.

I know my neighbours were just trying to look out for me. But I am very pissed off with them. I have tried to call my sons father but he has blocked my number.

At least your neighbours have some common sense

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 10:18

He showed up late last night after 11, and I told him he can't just arrive unannounced and that he needs to go home.

With that, I turned off the intercom and my phone. Shortly after, two of my neighbours came to my door to tell me that he had rung their doorbells, telling them he is my son's father and accusing me of not letting him in, and that he just wants to see his child.

I told them that he isn’t well and just to ignore him, they ask if I wanted them to call the police, I told them not to, but an hour later they turned up.

I know my neighbours were just trying to look out for me. But I am very pissed off with them. I have tried to call my sons father but he has blocked my number.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 10:18

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I know you are, but what am I? 😜😜😜

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 20/05/2026 08:24

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BlueMum16 · 20/05/2026 07:44

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 19/05/2026 21:57

Thank you, I really appreciate you.

1-2 hours is not enough for him, I can manage 4 hours, but as I mentioned before, he likes to out stay his welcome.

Given the circumstances, I don't believe he will ever want to have the baby overnight.

The other day, I went into my wardrobe and found some of his clothes hanging up, along with a bag full of toiletries.

When I asked him why his clothes were in my wardrobe, he answered, 'Just in case.'

This isn't about him and his wants.

This is about your DC.

If you are happy for him to have 4 hours visits and your DC is happy to be away from you for 4 hours that is fine. But this should not be in YOUR company.

You need to take control..if he wants to see DC he needs to focus on that. And make arrangements to see DC

He should not be in your home, there is no need. He has made this mess and now you all need to navigate it.

Think ahead, 5 years down the line, you've met someone else, your DC is old enough to understand more. Do you want to be living how you are now? Having DC turn up and intrude on your life in this way? No.

It's time to focus on what you want and what is best for DC. This man in YOUR life isn't it. You are happy for him to facilitate a relative with your DC. That needs to be his focus not you.

Strat some boundaries. See how much he wants and cares for your child.

BuckChuckets · 20/05/2026 05:10

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She resurrected the thread after people stopped commenting, purely for attention/rage bait. It's a running theme 😂

wandawaves · 20/05/2026 03:23

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Isn't he in prison?

TellHerToFuckOff · 20/05/2026 00:11

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lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 19/05/2026 23:23

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