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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

713 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
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BudgetBuster · 26/04/2026 07:28

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 07:21

He stayed over last night, and we slept together, I feel so ashamed of myself.

I have told him that this must never happen again and assured him it won't, and I can't have him coming around as often as he does.

😂😂 Honestly why are you still posting here... youndont want help or advice. You want to be this mans sneaky secret.

Your poor child.

RampantIvy · 26/04/2026 07:23

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 07:21

He stayed over last night, and we slept together, I feel so ashamed of myself.

I have told him that this must never happen again and assured him it won't, and I can't have him coming around as often as he does.

Give your head a wobble.

I hope you used contraception.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 07:21

He stayed over last night, and we slept together, I feel so ashamed of myself.

I have told him that this must never happen again and assured him it won't, and I can't have him coming around as often as he does.

OP posts:
VeraWang · 25/04/2026 11:50

@RunningJo it was a typical Friday night thread that's had a decent run.

RunningJo · 25/04/2026 11:35

RunningJo · 25/04/2026 10:29

Sorry, but more I read the OP responses, the more I’m not convinced it’s can’t be true

I wasn’t actually typing that with my eyes closed 😂
It should say, the more I’m convinced it can’t be true

RunningJo · 25/04/2026 10:29

Sorry, but more I read the OP responses, the more I’m not convinced it’s can’t be true

BudgetBuster · 25/04/2026 09:29

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 07:41

I really don’t know, but I feel sorry for her.

No, you don't.

You need to grow up and stop all the lies. You don't feel sorry for her, if you did you would have told her and saved her and her kids this horrible life. Instead you are happy to have HER husband over to your house while she's off looking after HIS other three kids. If you felt sorry for her it wouldn't even cross your mind that you might sleep with him again.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 07:43

I am heading home soon, he is going to come around and see the baby.

I have told him there will be no playing happy families, I am not going out in public with him, he is not to outstay his welcome nor will he be spending the night here.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 07:41

Barrenfieldoffucks · 25/04/2026 07:10

Or done the deed to conceive him in the first place.

Surely the child's name tells everyone who he belongs to anyway?

Yes I know, we were just having fun, which we shouldn’t have been.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 07:41

BudgetBuster · 25/04/2026 07:01

So he's most ikely doing something controlling to keep her dangling on too

I really don’t know, but I feel sorry for her.

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 25/04/2026 07:10

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 19:32

I know what I’ve done is wrong. I should have never have kept the baby.

Or done the deed to conceive him in the first place.

Surely the child's name tells everyone who he belongs to anyway?

RampantIvy · 25/04/2026 07:05

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 06:58

I did it to please him, he is a Christian so it wasn’t done for cultural reasons.

I have no words.

BudgetBuster · 25/04/2026 07:01

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 06:59

He told me that she always says she’s leaving him but never leaves.

So he's most ikely doing something controlling to keep her dangling on too

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 06:59

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 24/04/2026 21:45

His other children get a full-time father and come from a two-parent home; my child will never have that.

Jeez OP that statement is all kinds of fucked up.

His other children get a cheating, controlling scumbag for a father, who was planning to be unfaithful to their mum yet again this weekend. Ugh.
Poor kids.

I think his wife will divorce him anyway, eventually. She'll also be subjected to his controlling behaviour and probably suspects him of cheating, too.

He told me that she always says she’s leaving him but never leaves.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 06:58

RampantIvy · 24/04/2026 22:51

He made me get our baby circumcised,

Why did you allow it?

You could have prevented this. You are the child's mother yet you won't even advocate for him. What culture is the father?

I did it to please him, he is a Christian so it wasn’t done for cultural reasons.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 25/04/2026 06:56

RampantIvy · 24/04/2026 21:42

Did you know he was married?

Yes, I have known him for a long while.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 24/04/2026 22:51

He made me get our baby circumcised,

Why did you allow it?

You could have prevented this. You are the child's mother yet you won't even advocate for him. What culture is the father?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 24/04/2026 21:45

His other children get a full-time father and come from a two-parent home; my child will never have that.

Jeez OP that statement is all kinds of fucked up.

His other children get a cheating, controlling scumbag for a father, who was planning to be unfaithful to their mum yet again this weekend. Ugh.
Poor kids.

I think his wife will divorce him anyway, eventually. She'll also be subjected to his controlling behaviour and probably suspects him of cheating, too.

ItTook9Years · 24/04/2026 21:44

Nobody is saying your son shouldn’t exist.

But you are wanting him to have a father he will never have. Because the kind of man that behaves like this will never be that sort of father. Every decision he makes is for his benefit. He wanted sex with you, so he had it despite the commitments he made to his wife and children. And he knows you’ll accept titbits of attention dressed up as care that are just about manipulating you to give him what he wants. You admitted you would likely sleep with him if you spent a longer period of time with him. You’re craving a “normal” family but he will never give you that. He wants control - to the point of persuading you to cut part of your perfect baby boy off for literally no reason.

He’s a toad and he’s going to milk you dry.

RampantIvy · 24/04/2026 21:42

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 21:32

I am glad that I did decide to keep him, I know it’s all wrong, but nothing is ever going to change that.

His other children get a full-time father and come from a two parent home, my child will never have that.

I dread to think what things will be like as he gets older and learns to speak and starts to ask questions.

Did you know he was married?

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 21:32

TellHerToFuckOff · 24/04/2026 20:47

OP, WTF, you had every right to keep your baby. You slept with a married man, you have to live with that… but what you’re actually doing wrong now is the entire set up since your child came along.

I am glad that I did decide to keep him, I know it’s all wrong, but nothing is ever going to change that.

His other children get a full-time father and come from a two parent home, my child will never have that.

I dread to think what things will be like as he gets older and learns to speak and starts to ask questions.

OP posts:
TellHerToFuckOff · 24/04/2026 20:47

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 19:32

I know what I’ve done is wrong. I should have never have kept the baby.

OP, WTF, you had every right to keep your baby. You slept with a married man, you have to live with that… but what you’re actually doing wrong now is the entire set up since your child came along.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 19:35

Alittlefrustrated · 24/04/2026 19:22

Are your family in a different area from which the police moved you OP?

Yes, it’s not in the same borough. Even though I get very lonely I miss being there because it’s new and very nice, I don’t want to be at my mums house.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 24/04/2026 19:32

ItTook9Years · 24/04/2026 18:47

How, exactly?

I know what I’ve done is wrong. I should have never have kept the baby.

OP posts:
Alittlefrustrated · 24/04/2026 19:22

Are your family in a different area from which the police moved you OP?

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