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AIBU?

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AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

713 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
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9
VeraWang · 26/04/2026 10:42

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 10:09

Because I carry my Dads surname, he is the father and the baby belongs to him, it’s as simple as that.

And I shouldn’t have let him chose his first name “Sirius” it’s hideous and I fucking hate it, so I just call him by his middle name.

Because I carry my Dads surname

Lol, that might not be all you're carrying.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 10:35

No it’s not a wind up, I know that I shouldn’t have allowed him to name him that. But at the time I just wanted to please him.

I can’t change it because he needs to consent to it.

OP posts:
ItTook9Years · 26/04/2026 10:34

On the tiny off chance that it isn’t, you’re utterly pathetic OP.

You’ve been flouncing around on here telling all of us that have been giving you advice that we don’t understand and you’re not being controlled and you don’t want him and you just want him to be a father and and and

And it’s all bollocks. You’re talking to him constantly, grateful for tiny scraps of attention. You have ZERO boundaries and no idea how fucked your baby’s life is going to be. You are allowing this snake all of the control.

And you’ve been told multiple times you need to stop contact, block him and let him go to court for structured access that doesn’t involve you sleeping with him the second his wife’s back is turned.

You need to go cold turkey and really sort your head out. Your baby deserves more than this. You’re a fucking disgrace. .

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 10:31

RampantIvy · 26/04/2026 10:19

Because I carry my Dads surname

So what!

he is the father and the baby belongs to him

No, the baby does not "belong" to him

It’s as simple as that.

No, it isn't.

Your priority is you and your baby. Stop prioritising the sperm donor. What kind of upbringing did you have to believe that men have the right to dictate to you? You are your own person. Grow up and start acting responsibly.

You need to go to baby groups so you can meet other people. I also think you should move back to be near your family. You have a very warped idea of thinking that you need to prioritise the father here. Your rights and the baby's rights trump his.

Edited

I am going to a baby group next week, my health visitor gave me the details to one nearby, I think once I meet new people I’ll be fine, because I don’t have any issues making friends.

I just feel so lonely here.

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 26/04/2026 10:31

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 10:09

Because I carry my Dads surname, he is the father and the baby belongs to him, it’s as simple as that.

And I shouldn’t have let him chose his first name “Sirius” it’s hideous and I fucking hate it, so I just call him by his middle name.

Brilliant 😂

BuckChuckets · 26/04/2026 10:30

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 08:30

No he didn’t, no one could ever force me to do that.

I have come here for support, only to be accused of trolling.

This is a very difficult and embarrassing situation for me, I haven’t been rude or disrespectful to anyone here, so I don’t expect people to do it to me.

I am so lost and lonely, I’ve let him know that this can’t happen anymore and he needs to go and be with his wife, as this really isn’t fair on her or his other children

Stop trolling.

ItTook9Years · 26/04/2026 10:29

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 10:09

Because I carry my Dads surname, he is the father and the baby belongs to him, it’s as simple as that.

And I shouldn’t have let him chose his first name “Sirius” it’s hideous and I fucking hate it, so I just call him by his middle name.

This is definitely a wind up.

TimeForTeaAndG · 26/04/2026 10:22

Sirius?

Did the registrar wonder how you, baby, baby's dad, and a shark all fitted in the office?

RampantIvy · 26/04/2026 10:19

Because I carry my Dads surname

So what!

he is the father and the baby belongs to him

No, the baby does not "belong" to him

It’s as simple as that.

No, it isn't.

Your priority is you and your baby. Stop prioritising the sperm donor. What kind of upbringing did you have to believe that men have the right to dictate to you? You are your own person. Grow up and start acting responsibly.

You need to go to baby groups so you can meet other people. I also think you should move back to be near your family. You have a very warped idea of thinking that you need to prioritise the father here. Your rights and the baby's rights trump his.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 10:09

thecomedyofterrors · 26/04/2026 09:56

Why on earth did you give the baby his surname and let him chose the first name. You sound like a pushover as well as very foolish. Can these things be changed? It’s not too late. 🤦🏽‍♀️
The rest sounds frankly, crazy. An ex in prison, who cat give you a baby asap, so have one in an affair?! Then give the baby his name? Have some self-respect and give your baby respect and an identity. Your name and a first name you like.

Because I carry my Dads surname, he is the father and the baby belongs to him, it’s as simple as that.

And I shouldn’t have let him chose his first name “Sirius” it’s hideous and I fucking hate it, so I just call him by his middle name.

OP posts:
thecomedyofterrors · 26/04/2026 09:59

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 08:30

No he didn’t, no one could ever force me to do that.

I have come here for support, only to be accused of trolling.

This is a very difficult and embarrassing situation for me, I haven’t been rude or disrespectful to anyone here, so I don’t expect people to do it to me.

I am so lost and lonely, I’ve let him know that this can’t happen anymore and he needs to go and be with his wife, as this really isn’t fair on her or his other children

No, it’s not fair on his wife or other kids. You’ve messed up their lives. Grow up and be responsible. This sort of problem really annoys me, as you’ve not learned right from wrong, act irresponsibly, cause damage to children emotionally and have no concept of the fall out of your actions. Teachers and therapists will be living up the pieces of your quick shag- poor morals, for decades to come.

BudgetBuster · 26/04/2026 09:56

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 09:52

I do care, it might not seem like I don’t but I do. He should also be not wanting to sleep with me either, but he just doesn’t see the wrong behind it.

🙄 Stop blaming him. You can't control him. You can only control your actions which are just utterly fucking ridiculous.

Grow up, keep your knickers on and start giving a shite about your child. It's clear you don't care about his wife or other kids but DO BETTER for your son.

thecomedyofterrors · 26/04/2026 09:56

Why on earth did you give the baby his surname and let him chose the first name. You sound like a pushover as well as very foolish. Can these things be changed? It’s not too late. 🤦🏽‍♀️
The rest sounds frankly, crazy. An ex in prison, who cat give you a baby asap, so have one in an affair?! Then give the baby his name? Have some self-respect and give your baby respect and an identity. Your name and a first name you like.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 09:52

BudgetBuster · 26/04/2026 09:46

You are trying what exactly? To do everything in yiur power to fuck up the lives of 4 innocent children! Good job OP.

You willingly slept with him yet again. You don't care about anyone or anything else.

Don't come on here pretending you want help when all you want is a big life of drama. Well done, you have it. And in the meantime YOU are heavily impacting on the lives of kids. I hope the shag was worth it.

I do care, it might not seem like I don’t but I do. He should also be not wanting to sleep with me either, but he just doesn’t see the wrong behind it.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 09:49

BlueMum16 · 26/04/2026 09:21

Did you use condoms at least?

What do you want from him? Really?
Do you want him to leave his wife?
Do you want to share him in this way?
Do you just want him to be a father to your child? What does this look like? Visiting the baby while you go out? When baby older taking him out? Or you continuing to play happy families?

Of course we used protection, I do not want another child.

The only thing I want from him is to be there for my child, I don’t want to share him and I shouldn’t be sharing him.

I do not want to play happy families with him, because it’s all false.

He doesn’t see anything wrong with us sleeping together, he just says ‘what is the problem people do these things, it’s nothing to be ashamed of’

He said that he doesn’t feel guilty because his wife has violated him many of times, but the so called violation doesn’t include cheating, if the violation was so bad, he wouldn’t still be with her right?

I just need to be left alone, and he can’t come here whenever he pleases.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 26/04/2026 09:46

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 08:19

I am trying.

You are trying what exactly? To do everything in yiur power to fuck up the lives of 4 innocent children! Good job OP.

You willingly slept with him yet again. You don't care about anyone or anything else.

Don't come on here pretending you want help when all you want is a big life of drama. Well done, you have it. And in the meantime YOU are heavily impacting on the lives of kids. I hope the shag was worth it.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 09:43

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 26/04/2026 08:39

You cut off a very important part of your tiny helpless newborn baby to please a man whose married and keeping you and the baby a dirty little secret.

Honestly you need to do some therapy and get some confidence. You sound so "pick me". Are you enjoying all the drama, does it make you feel special? Put your baby first.

How can you ask me if I’m enjoying all the drama? There isn’t much drama.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 26/04/2026 09:21

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 08:19

I am trying.

Did you use condoms at least?

What do you want from him? Really?
Do you want him to leave his wife?
Do you want to share him in this way?
Do you just want him to be a father to your child? What does this look like? Visiting the baby while you go out? When baby older taking him out? Or you continuing to play happy families?

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 26/04/2026 08:39

You cut off a very important part of your tiny helpless newborn baby to please a man whose married and keeping you and the baby a dirty little secret.

Honestly you need to do some therapy and get some confidence. You sound so "pick me". Are you enjoying all the drama, does it make you feel special? Put your baby first.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 08:30

RampantIvy · 26/04/2026 08:25

Try harder.
You didn't have to sleep with him, or are you saying he forced you?

No he didn’t, no one could ever force me to do that.

I have come here for support, only to be accused of trolling.

This is a very difficult and embarrassing situation for me, I haven’t been rude or disrespectful to anyone here, so I don’t expect people to do it to me.

I am so lost and lonely, I’ve let him know that this can’t happen anymore and he needs to go and be with his wife, as this really isn’t fair on her or his other children

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 26/04/2026 08:25

Try harder.
You didn't have to sleep with him, or are you saying he forced you?

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 08:19

BlueMum16 · 26/04/2026 07:46

So you ignore all the advice.
Jump straight back into bed with him at the first opportunity.
Find some self respect.
No one can help you until you do.

I am trying.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 26/04/2026 08:02

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 07:31

Because I can’t discuss this with anyone else.

I do want help.

So, exercise some self control and help yourself. No-one else can do this for you.

You are frustrating the hell out of everyone trying to help you on here. You don't seem to be able to accept any kind of responsibility in what you do. You would have terminated the pregnancy if he had asked you to, you had your baby mutilated because he told you to, you sleep with him because you won't tell him to be lost and when he says "jump"you say "how high?"

You don't need a man in your life to feel valued or validated.

BlueMum16 · 26/04/2026 07:46

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 07:31

Because I can’t discuss this with anyone else.

I do want help.

So you ignore all the advice.
Jump straight back into bed with him at the first opportunity.
Find some self respect.
No one can help you until you do.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 26/04/2026 07:31

BudgetBuster · 26/04/2026 07:28

😂😂 Honestly why are you still posting here... youndont want help or advice. You want to be this mans sneaky secret.

Your poor child.

Edited

Because I can’t discuss this with anyone else.

I do want help.

OP posts:
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