AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

But that would make it harder for her to just sleep with him when she feels like it so the OP definitely won't do that.

I didn’t tell you to go to court. I told you to stop contact and make him go to court. For contact. Not money. To establish an agreement for contact that you can enforce instead of him having one foot in your house at all times.

Made me chuckle aswell 😂 the irony

Lower yourself 🤪

You are delusional. You have had an affair with a married man and father of 3 and justifying to yourself that it’s ok because you have always been attracted to him.

You are happy for you and your son to remain his dirty little secret. You are happy to let this man push you into decisions you don’t feel comfortable with including mutilating your child’s genitalia.

You are already pretty much at rock bottom, get a grip of yourself and get stuffs sorted for you’re son’s benefit before he has the chance to really screw you and your son up, or worse than that social work have to intervene because you won’t stand up and do what’s needed for your sons benefit.

Oh, do the courts only exist for the benefit of low-class people?

Lower yourself from what?! You’re hardly Rapunzel!

I’ve suggested that at least 3 times in the thread, as have others.

(your user name is apt!)

Nevermind telling him when he can visit either. OP could and should have him pursue contact through the courts, and she needs to pursue maintenance through CMS.

Anyway, OP is a lost cause. Don’t know why she came here for advice, or why people continue to advise her. She’ll continue sleeping with this man, continue to allow him to control her, continue to be the AP to a man who has 3 children at home, and continue to allow her child to be treated like a dirty little secret, and not good enough to be known by his wider paternal family. Pointless contributing to this or advising any further, I’m out.

What a wonderful example you’re showing your child; 1) that it is ok for a woman to be treated like that and that it’s fine for him to do so as he gets older and 2) that a woman should go out of her way to accommodate being treated so badly. This is not ok. He may be just a baby now but he won’t be forever. What you are doing now isn’t putting him first

You really need to do some work on your self esteem. This man knows exactly what to say to you to get what he wants. And you just keep rolling over and taking it. Over and over and over again.

You have many, many wonderful replies of advice here but you seem to be ruling fanjo over head. You know deep down what you have to do, and indeed need to do. You just need to find your backbone and stick to your guns

If i knew you in person I’d be flagging this to social services. He is displaying coercive and controlling behaviour and you don’t seem to be stepping in to protect your son’s best interests here.

And he is not protective of his other children, he’s controlling. Stop wrapping abuse in nice words, that’s how you stay abused.
you can talk about your ended affair relationship and your baby’s father to anyone you want. It’s your business and he doesn’t get to control that.

why would you say you’ve done everything to please him?? That would be being a bad mum. Your highest priority should be caring for your baby, followed by caring for yourself. You should absolutely not be doing everything to please him.
since he seems very much in your life still, you reply my top priority is baby followed by looking after myself as a single mum, I don’t have much time or energy left to please you and a good man who cared about his baby and felt bad he couldn’t look after his own baby would be supportive of that. The world doesn’t revolve around you and nor does my life.’

Classic. He’s trying to shrink your world.

never mind calling before he visits: tell him when he can visit and stick to it.

(didn’t you tell him you wouldn’t be sleeping with him this weekend…….?)

Your ex was violent and got his friends and family to harass you. This was serious enough that you had to be moved for your own safety.

Your OP about this absolute Prince sets out the numerous ways he has and continues to control you, and this has increased even in the few days since you first posted.

It’s clear how poor your judgement is. Coercive control is a crime. Just because your son’s father hasn’t laid hands on you doesn’t mean he isn’t abusive.

Genius 😂

Unless the wife knows about OP, there's no way to link a baby to her husband, is there? Either way he's a twat. I just don't see anything wrong with not wanting to post the baby on social media.

I think everyone sucks in this situation.

He isn’t doing it to protect the baby, it’s obviously to protect himself so his wife doesn’t find out.

Except you’re not protecting him because you had him circumcised when he absolutely didn’t need to be, just because this man demanded it!

I don’t understand this situation OP and I’m not even going to pretend to. You’ve replied over 100 times so I didn’t read it all but from what I gather, you had an affair with a married man and got pregnant. He hasn’t left his wife, nor has he even told her about your child (this will eventually come out btw and when it does all hell will break loose…) For some reason you let him choose your baby’s name and gave him his surname (why?! you’re not even in a relationship let alone married!) And now he’s being weird and demanding other things from you which you happily roll over and accept.

People baffle me. I’m going to assume you have MH issues or severely low self esteem. I strongly recommend counselling.

I am also entirely sure he is very controlling of his own children too. You can post just your baby’s hand or something, babies hands are adorable, and i think you should post something where you can make the comment to say my beautiful baby or something showing it’s your baby. It’s all baby steps to do things he doesn’t want you to do until you stop feeling conflicted by this or considering his view. Your decision process should be ‘is it good parenting? Yes then do it/keep doing it’ and ‘is it good for me and good for baby or doesn’t impact baby? Yes then do it - going to your mums and having friends over fit this category. Giving you a break and giving you important social contact is good for baby. Your thought process should not include ‘does he not want me to do this?’

Judging by your replies on here, you sound like you are somewhat in love with this guy and are happy to continue sneaking around and being his side piece as long as he isn't irritating you / nit picking at you..

Establish some boundaries.

You mention you are financially stable without him which means you don't have to put up with ANYTHING you don't want to.

Advocate for yourself and your baby.

Stop saying yes to things you aren't happy or comfortable with.

Whilst he sounds like a dickhead, married man having an affair and what not.. I agree with him regarding social media.