Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

713 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
BlueMum16 · 01/05/2026 18:40

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 16:42

If I get angry, I will get myself into a state.

I will not allow him to do that to me, I am just so annoyed right now.

He needs to go home.

Has he gone yet?

Just tell him to leave. Now!

I can't believe you allowed him to get in bed after everything you've said.

ItTook9Years · 01/05/2026 18:20

He gives me a monthly allowance which is enough for me and the baby to live on.

Classy.

ItTook9Years · 01/05/2026 18:19

italianmountains · 01/05/2026 18:13

No one would be able to link your baby to him, you say. I thought you said you have given the baby his surname and he is on the birth certificate. Is that not a link?

And also paying OP money. Maybe she’s noticed.

italianmountains · 01/05/2026 18:13

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 27/04/2026 13:22

Thank you

I don’t understand why people think it has got something to do with his wife finding out.

No one would ever be able to link my baby to him, unless I told them.

No one would be able to link your baby to him, you say. I thought you said you have given the baby his surname and he is on the birth certificate. Is that not a link?

SunnyRedSnail · 01/05/2026 17:59

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 16:42

If I get angry, I will get myself into a state.

I will not allow him to do that to me, I am just so annoyed right now.

He needs to go home.

OMG please stop being so spineless! This is ridiculous and an embarrassment to all females.

You say to him "you need to leave. NOW".

And repeat.

And if he doesn't leave then you add "Leave now or I am calling the police".

Then call the police if he doesn't leave.

It is really not hard.

Proudestmumofone1 · 01/05/2026 17:52

Read your posts back - you’re worse than him as you’re actively allowing your child to be around this utter nonsense.

go stay with your phone. Change the doorbell. Change your phone number and stop this nonsense before social services do.

TeaPot496 · 01/05/2026 17:46

You''ve already let yourself get into a state. He's taking the absolute piss out of you and you are fetching him clean sheets like a handmaiden.

Just tell the abusive cunt to fuck off! It's really not that hard.

Polkadotpompom · 01/05/2026 17:17

Don't cancel your visitors. Let them turn up! He will likely scuttle off home.

I don't understand ...

Why you let him in

Why let him get in your bed and sleep?!

Why you haven't told him you won't be cancelling your visitors.

ItTook9Years · 01/05/2026 16:57

You know you need to say that to him, not us, right?

Kick the fucker out!!

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 16:42

If I get angry, I will get myself into a state.

I will not allow him to do that to me, I am just so annoyed right now.

He needs to go home.

OP posts:
LizzieW1969 · 01/05/2026 16:28

Lmnop22 · 01/05/2026 15:41

He’s doing this because you’re letting him.

Just say no. Tell him to leave as you have plans.

I am really struggling to have sympathy with you when you’re just not listening to anyone and think saying he couldn’t come yesterday is some huge step forward when today he’s fallen out with his wife and he’s asleep in your bed and staying over tonight whilst you cancel plans and cook him tea? Fuck that OP, where is your anger??

^This. You really do need to find your anger at the way this man is behaving, OP. It really is shocking.

BuckChuckets · 01/05/2026 16:05

ItTook9Years · 01/05/2026 13:20

Assume you mean OP.

😂🙌🏻

Lmnop22 · 01/05/2026 15:41

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 15:24

He is awake now, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. I told him he just can’t come here and sleep, only to be told stop acting like I don’t want him here, I really don’t.

My cousin and friend were supposed to come here to keep me company for the evening. I told him this and asked when he would be leaving. He said it might be tonight and asked me to tell them not to come since we are spending time together.

He treats this mess like a joke. I don't want him around, he should go back to his wife and kids.

It's getting to the stage where this situation can't continue. It seems as though he did this on purpose. Now that we share a child, he thinks he can just come over anytime, say inappropriate things, and ask to know when I'll start cooking dinner because he's hungry. I won't be making food for him.

He’s doing this because you’re letting him.

Just say no. Tell him to leave as you have plans.

I am really struggling to have sympathy with you when you’re just not listening to anyone and think saying he couldn’t come yesterday is some huge step forward when today he’s fallen out with his wife and he’s asleep in your bed and staying over tonight whilst you cancel plans and cook him tea? Fuck that OP, where is your anger??

TeaPot496 · 01/05/2026 15:35

You are not trapped. You ask him to leave immediately. If he doesn't, you go out with your baby, and call the police.

99bottlesofkombucha · 01/05/2026 15:34

Can your cousin drop by now? Can anyone drop by now? And tell him to go home to his wife? You Must. Not. Let. Him. Over. The Doorstep. Message him ‘you cannot come and sleep in my house like you did today! You are not allowed in my house. If you want to see your baby message me what times work and a suitable location and I’ll bring the baby there. You’re not allowed into my house anymore, we are not in a relationship, I won’t open the door. All communication needs to be about your baby.’

ItTook9Years · 01/05/2026 15:32

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 15:24

He is awake now, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. I told him he just can’t come here and sleep, only to be told stop acting like I don’t want him here, I really don’t.

My cousin and friend were supposed to come here to keep me company for the evening. I told him this and asked when he would be leaving. He said it might be tonight and asked me to tell them not to come since we are spending time together.

He treats this mess like a joke. I don't want him around, he should go back to his wife and kids.

It's getting to the stage where this situation can't continue. It seems as though he did this on purpose. Now that we share a child, he thinks he can just come over anytime, say inappropriate things, and ask to know when I'll start cooking dinner because he's hungry. I won't be making food for him.

Are you reading your posts back, OP?

Do you not see what we see?

(I’ll bet a £5 to charity the oven is on by 6pm.)

BudgetBuster · 01/05/2026 15:29

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 15:25

I agree my son does deserve better

So do better

Well him to get out, or you will call the police.

ETA: Under no circumstances should you cancel your plans. In fact, I would ask them to come earlier.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 15:25

BudgetBuster · 01/05/2026 13:50

Awh remember yesterday when you said "if he shows up here, I won't let him in" and we all knew you wouldn't actually do that and BOOM, today he is in your bed.

Your child deserves better than 2 idiot parents.

I agree my son does deserve better

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 15:24

He is awake now, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. I told him he just can’t come here and sleep, only to be told stop acting like I don’t want him here, I really don’t.

My cousin and friend were supposed to come here to keep me company for the evening. I told him this and asked when he would be leaving. He said it might be tonight and asked me to tell them not to come since we are spending time together.

He treats this mess like a joke. I don't want him around, he should go back to his wife and kids.

It's getting to the stage where this situation can't continue. It seems as though he did this on purpose. Now that we share a child, he thinks he can just come over anytime, say inappropriate things, and ask to know when I'll start cooking dinner because he's hungry. I won't be making food for him.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 01/05/2026 14:55

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 14:18

He wanted to come yesterday, I said NO, he said he’d come today.

I literally can’t cope with him and all the nonsense, once he is awake he needs to leave.

I can't cope with him... but he's in your bed all day.

That doesn't make sense.

Kindly, OP, I think perhaps it's time you sought some help for yourselves from a therapist or alternative sources.

ItTook9Years · 01/05/2026 14:27

You’ve legally attached yourself to this nonsense for at least the next 18 years, OP. So it really would be best that you start laying groundrules (that you stick to) from now

or, as many of us said, stop his contact and let him
take you to court for a formal arrangement that you both have to adhere to.

ItTook9Years · 01/05/2026 14:25

STOP BEING A DOORMAT AND LETTING HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS TO.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 14:18

BudgetBuster · 01/05/2026 13:50

Awh remember yesterday when you said "if he shows up here, I won't let him in" and we all knew you wouldn't actually do that and BOOM, today he is in your bed.

Your child deserves better than 2 idiot parents.

He wanted to come yesterday, I said NO, he said he’d come today.

I literally can’t cope with him and all the nonsense, once he is awake he needs to leave.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 01/05/2026 13:50

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 01/05/2026 11:43

He came here this morning and asked where I keep my clean sheets, as he needed to sleep. A confused me asked him why he needed to sleep when he had just come from his house. He said that he hadn't slept yet and mentioned something about dealing with domestic issues.

I never agreed to this nonsense, I have no idea who he thinks he is, showing up here and expecting to sleep. I will speak to him when he wakes up, because this is the last time something like this can happen.

Awh remember yesterday when you said "if he shows up here, I won't let him in" and we all knew you wouldn't actually do that and BOOM, today he is in your bed.

Your child deserves better than 2 idiot parents.

Swiftie1878 · 01/05/2026 13:23

ItTook9Years · 01/05/2026 13:20

Assume you mean OP.

Yup.

Swipe left for the next trending thread