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AIBU?

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AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

713 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
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9
JHound · 25/05/2026 13:22

Felixfox · 22/05/2026 01:24

Darling, don’t listen to all these sanctimonious old women. There’s nothing wrong with you or what you’ve done or are planning to do. Chin up, shoulders back, you’ve got this . Go and be an amazing mum! Xx

Cool ageism

ItTook9Years · 23/05/2026 09:30

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The giraffe or the duck?

Not that it really matters. You really are just wasting your time here (and ours), aren’t you? Your self esteem is so fucked you’ll keep acting like this forever and sod the consequences for your son, who you clearly couldn’t give a toss about. You ignore the advice of the people you have asked for help.

So crack on. Just don’t come crying when it all goes wrong because you think all of this is going to somehow work out fine.

CodeAmber · 23/05/2026 08:07

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What sort of ignorant and nonsensical response is this?!

You are absolutely delusional OP. Enjoy your shitshow of a life, hopefully there is a some semblance of intelligent presence or role model somewhere in your orbit for your son, who is the only innocent victim in this soap opera. His parents certainly aren’t up to the task.

RampantIvy · 23/05/2026 07:55

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Oh, grow up.

You are behaving like an immature teenager.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 23/05/2026 07:44

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ItTook9Years · 22/05/2026 23:27

it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has feathers and swims
on water but OP is still convinced it’s a giraffe.

TimeForTeaAndG · 22/05/2026 23:23

suggesting that he doesn't care and only wants to control me.

You literally used the word controlling in your thread title. It's right there. And have then gone on to give several examples of behaviour illustrating this fact.

RampantIvy · 22/05/2026 23:01

However, some women here are trying to convince me otherwise, suggesting that he doesn't care and only wants to control me.

Because they can all see what you are refusing to see.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 22/05/2026 18:56

Felixfox · 22/05/2026 01:24

Darling, don’t listen to all these sanctimonious old women. There’s nothing wrong with you or what you’ve done or are planning to do. Chin up, shoulders back, you’ve got this . Go and be an amazing mum! Xx

Thank you so much, babes.

I understand that I'm not a bad person. Yes, I was wrong to sleep with a married man and have his child, but what's done is done now.

I know that I am a good mother, I love my son, and his dad loves him too. However, some women here are trying to convince me otherwise, suggesting that he doesn't care and only wants to control me.

Hope you have a great weekend x

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 22/05/2026 10:12

Felixfox · 22/05/2026 01:24

Darling, don’t listen to all these sanctimonious old women. There’s nothing wrong with you or what you’ve done or are planning to do. Chin up, shoulders back, you’ve got this . Go and be an amazing mum! Xx

I'd rather be sanctimonious than raise a child in this shit show 😂

JG24 · 22/05/2026 08:28

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 20:17

I'm really sorry you've experienced domestic violence, I get it because I went through the same thing with my ex.

This isn't DV, it's just him wanting things his way.

Coercive control is included in domestic abuse.
And he is very much on that path

JG24 · 22/05/2026 08:26

Felixfox · 22/05/2026 01:24

Darling, don’t listen to all these sanctimonious old women. There’s nothing wrong with you or what you’ve done or are planning to do. Chin up, shoulders back, you’ve got this . Go and be an amazing mum! Xx

Have you read all her comments?

RampantIvy · 22/05/2026 07:16

Felixfox · 22/05/2026 01:24

Darling, don’t listen to all these sanctimonious old women. There’s nothing wrong with you or what you’ve done or are planning to do. Chin up, shoulders back, you’ve got this . Go and be an amazing mum! Xx

😂😂😂

Felixfox · 22/05/2026 01:24

Darling, don’t listen to all these sanctimonious old women. There’s nothing wrong with you or what you’ve done or are planning to do. Chin up, shoulders back, you’ve got this . Go and be an amazing mum! Xx

99bottlesofkombucha · 22/05/2026 01:06

Notabarbie · 21/05/2026 11:02

If a strange man is calling your neighbours doorbell and trying to involve them in a dispute, and you are telling them this is not a welcome visitor, they were absolutely right to call the police on their own behalf if not for you and your son. This is a messy situation that shouldn't be concerning them.

this - I’d have called the police and would do it next time too. You should have given the police his details. Your poor neighbours are aware there’s a baby in your place and must be worried about the baby’s welfare, there are so many news articles about women who’ve been with the wrong men and let them into their lives and the children have suffered for it. You need to be aware that men have hurt and killed their own children because they think if they don’t get to see them whenever and however they want to the mother shouldn’t get to see the baby either. The police need to know his name and details to protect your baby.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 20:17

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lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 20:17

BuckChuckets · 21/05/2026 19:26

The reason I ask is not because I'm a 'dark soul' (though that sounds fun, ngl), but because I've been in a DV situation where the police were called and they mentioned they would have to report to SS. Nothing actually came of it, but it's important to be aware of what might happen.

I'm really sorry you've experienced domestic violence, I get it because I went through the same thing with my ex.

This isn't DV, it's just him wanting things his way.

OP posts:
Brokentoes85 · 21/05/2026 19:39

So you've had your babys genitals mutilated on a whim and he's the controlling one?

BuckChuckets · 21/05/2026 19:26

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 16:12

Nope, they didn’t bring up social services, you’re such a dark soul. You’re probably sitting there with a huge smile, crossing your fingers that they’ve been notified.

I have nothing to hide, I welcomed them into my home while my baby was sleeping peacefully in his cot.

I told them the truth that we are not in a relationship, and he believes he can show up here whenever he wants, even though I have told him not to. I am neither afraid of him nor do I see him a danger to me or my son, I'm just trying to set boundaries with him.

The reason I ask is not because I'm a 'dark soul' (though that sounds fun, ngl), but because I've been in a DV situation where the police were called and they mentioned they would have to report to SS. Nothing actually came of it, but it's important to be aware of what might happen.

ItTook9Years · 21/05/2026 18:39

Pics didn’t attach.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?
AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?
AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?
ItTook9Years · 21/05/2026 18:30

Relationship:

BudgetBuster · 21/05/2026 18:28

ItTook9Years · 21/05/2026 17:10

You were in a relationship - you had an affair over a prolonged period of time. You had sex which created a child but it wasn’t a ONS. You registered him together and gave the child his name. He gives you money and you allow him access.

You have a lifelong relationship of some sorts with him because of all of this.

She also.had sex with him about 2 weeks ago... and has admitted she'd do it again🙄

Coupled with the fact that she has been housed away from another criminal ex, I'd say the police have most definitely notified SS just in case anything further comes up.

ItTook9Years · 21/05/2026 17:10

You were in a relationship - you had an affair over a prolonged period of time. You had sex which created a child but it wasn’t a ONS. You registered him together and gave the child his name. He gives you money and you allow him access.

You have a lifelong relationship of some sorts with him because of all of this.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 16:12

BuckChuckets · 21/05/2026 15:32

They have your details and the fact you have a baby - did they mention social services?

Nope, they didn’t bring up social services, you’re such a dark soul. You’re probably sitting there with a huge smile, crossing your fingers that they’ve been notified.

I have nothing to hide, I welcomed them into my home while my baby was sleeping peacefully in his cot.

I told them the truth that we are not in a relationship, and he believes he can show up here whenever he wants, even though I have told him not to. I am neither afraid of him nor do I see him a danger to me or my son, I'm just trying to set boundaries with him.

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 21/05/2026 15:32

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 21/05/2026 13:28

By the time they showed up, I was already a mess. They asked for his name and details, but I didn’t give it to them.

One of my neighbours knocked, saying she was sorry but just worried about me and my son.

They have your details and the fact you have a baby - did they mention social services?

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