AIBU to feel quite put out about MIL’s 60th weekend?

This sounds so much more fun!

For me not wanting my children(her grandchildren) to be there would have been a decisive factor. I would have said we can’t come without children.

Only read first and second page. I would push back though on separate tables, unless you know and like the other people on your table, and 2) you don’t get sucked into being the dogs body and general project manager.
you’re paying a lot for someone else’s birthday so you’re as entitled as everyone rise to sit back and enjoy yourself

I'd probably be sending my apologies with the excuse of no childcare available. Leave DH to go alone, save yourself the stress.

That'd be a no for me

Reading the title I thought it's her birthday do what she wants. But she's asking people to spend stupid amounts of money and banning kids? She can have her ambience and id stay home and have takeaway pizza and a kitchen disco with my kids

Only read the first page & this one. I had 2 thoughts:

Why isn't MIL paying for everybody's meals & hotel rooms if she's going to be so exacting?

And is MIL going to be wearing muted clothes just like everybody else, or is she going to use you all as a muted background to her extravagantly OTT, loud outfits? If you do go to it, please report back!

This is the maddedt thing ever. I couldn't deal with this. Especially not leaving my children behind. My parents would want their grandchildren with them. This is all about optics, not who is there. It's actually very sad.

So, what is she paying for?!?!

@Yabbadabbadooooooo is clearly an overbearing MIL who likes to boss her family around.

@CotswoldConundrum

MiL is absolutely taking the piss, and sounds like a narcissist!! The assumptions would really get my back up!

It does sound like a wedding, and like she wants you there as staff, not so much as guests! Wants consistency for the photos, a dress theme?! WTF?!

If you go, good luck!!

The only person with main character syndrome here is you. Stop making it about you and celebrate someone making your son who he is, making your family what it is, count your blessings and be happy. This is first world problems in the extreme. Get a grip.

Your MIL sounds like an entitled, controlling nightmare. I also think she's cheap. They are relatively well off, yet they are inviting people to attend a party to celebrate her birthday and expect them to pay for their dinner! I simply can't believe anyone would also try to dictate what others are allowed to wear, unless it was fancy dress. Does she have children other than your DH?

Do you want to piss her and the rest of the family off forever and get yourself and your kids cut out of the will and have a frosty forever after? Just suck it up and go. You’re only 60 once. Maybe she’s making up for all the tame birthdays she’s had in the past. Maybe she’s been diagnosed with terminal cancer and it’s her last hurrah. It’s her 60th. You do what she wants. Don’t be so passive aggresisve and pretend you’re the victim when you already said you can easily afford it and your mum can have the kids. You do this. For a lady turning 60. You keep the peace. All the people here telling you not to go just want the juicy sloppy gossip when you get cut out the will and your husband divorces you. There are some bitter people on here and you’re seeking validation from them. Do what’s right. Make your MIL happy. I hate mine and I would still do this for her as it’s a simple case of manners. Stop bitching about it and call her now to ask how you can help. You’ll have your hands free with no kids and you’re a good organiser. Offer to help. Make her birthday a really happy memorable occasion. It might even make you feel good about yourself. Stop snivelling and start helping.

ok so you can afford it, fair enough. What I don’t understand is why she doesn’t want her grandchildren there for any of the weekend. Surely milestone birthdays are about immediate family, grandchildren especially. My mom would hate to have a party without the grandkids present.

I don't wish to be an arse now the children are invited, but that sounds like a really boring weekend for them. Like a wedding reception but on repeat. Would they not have a better time with your mum?
How many other kids are now going and will they be able to be children or sit nicely for all these fancy meals? And will they eat?

I just had memories of being taken to similar as a child and being tired and bored and it seeming to never end. But maybe your kids are more grown up than I was.

Even with the childcare aspect sorted, I'd still be very unenthusiastic about going. It's a lot of money and you're basically being ordered about, while also being asked to help organise. I hate being pushed around to do things, so that would get my back right up.
The diktat on cohesive photos and muted colours would make me want to turn up (if I did turn up) in some Zandra Rhodes hot pink and yellow psychedelic affair.
And even with the kids there, your problem is not so much solved as changed: you'll have to tun around after them, juggle partying and socialising with their bedtimes etc.

It all sounds like a lot of spending and a lot of hassle just for someone's ego and Instagram goals, and I wouldn't go.

Shit me I don’t even remember my 60th
thats a shed load of demands for a bloody birthday

It’s just one weekend. Yes MIL seems very demanding but why rock the boat? Go along with it and have fun.

Surely she is paying for the dinner? I simply don’t believe that a party of 100 people will all be getting individual credit cards out at the end of the night.

If the in laws are 'used to that kind of spending' why aren't they covering costs for the immediate family? If I was inviting my family I'd be paying. If that was the case, I'd say why not go and have a great time? Otherwise, it seems pretty demanding, not to say cheapskate to me. Though I don't blame your MiL for wanting a celebration that incudes her loved ones.

That sounds bonkers, particularly the 'cohesive dress code'. Is she selling the pictures to Hello! magazine?

Fuck. That.
Is your MIL Elton fucking John?
Kids not invited, one of you goes and represents the other, your DH draws the short shitty straw and you get a weekend with the children.

So what you’re saying is the MIL is over the top and expects everyone to do as she says?
I would go but I would wear the dress she said no to.
Do you have anyone that you trust the children with 100% for the whole weekend?
I personally think she’s asking a bit much of someone with young children.

It's giving all fur coat no knickers. If she's that minted her friends and family wouldn't have to pay for the £95 meal, she's playing at something she wishes she was but isn't. Also she is building this birthday up so much she is invariably going to be disappointed, blame other people and cause drama.

I happen to love mine (and other people's) birthdays and love to celebrate with folks but this stinks of desperation to fill a hole to be made to feel special. She's seeking something from people who will never be able to provide it.

Also the hint around gifts is just so tacky and new money

As for the 'muted tones', I'd be digging out my loudest flowery dress.